How the Hell is the Unicorn a Symbol of Purity?

It has a huge phallic horn on its head. And the legend goes that it will approach a virgin and lay its head (with the huge phallic horn) in her lap.

What the fuck is pure and innocent about that?

And it's considered something desirable to pet these perverts in fantasy stories?

To Hell with that. I see a Unicorn, I'm running, and I'd advise you to do the same.

Stunt

This is funny.

This is Funnier.

(Now I have to read them both regularly.)

Feminine Facts

Gordon of BlogThisPal! fame has a fun list of Random Wildcat Facts up (ala the Chuck Norris List) and suggested others contribute.

I like Wildcat, but I'm not an expert. I do, however, know a few things about his old girlfriend, Queen Hippolyta (better known to Wildcat as Polly), the mother of Wonder Woman.

Random Facts About the JSA Wonder Woman

-- Hippolyta had no need of divine intervention to have children. She brought Wonder Woman into the world solely aided by her own mighty feminity, through intense concentration on her womb and willing it to fertilization. Because even Amazons are overwhelmed by the sheer power of Hippolyta's womanhood, her chief spin doctor Phillipus made up a story about sculpting a baby out of clay, and threw in some deities for good measure.

-- Why are so many comic-book women badly written? The writers don't feel they can stand up to the glory that is Hippolyta.

-- Hippolyta's only son? Chuck Norris.

-- The only man virile enough to satisfy the Queen of the Amazons more than once is Wildcat. When the two finally met in 1941, their very first kiss tore at the very fabric of reality. The resulting breakdown in the space-time continuum was the true reason for Crisis on Infinite Earths. Krona was just a glory-seeker.

-- Hippolyta is not actually Ares' daughter. Hippolyta has no father. She emerged fully grown and wielding a sword from a Volcano during the Earth's formative years.

-- While she is generally believed to be a youthful 3 millenia old, Hippolyta was in fact the first sentient person born on this planet. Her exact age is unknown, but the hot flashes she experienced when she underwent menopause resulted in the end of the last Ice Age.

-- Hippolyta, after her death, does not reside in Hades. The forty-room manor she was offered in the Elysian Fields was too small, and the 72 slave boys for her pleasure were simply not enough selection. Instead she pinched the Ferryman on the behind, and then lept across the river Styx. She took up residence on Olympus, and nobody said a word for fear of her sword.

-- The Mayans were the first human civilization to discover time-travel. When they peered into the future, they saw Hippolyta, in her Wonder Woman costume, wielding a sword and determined that she was the Herald to the End of the Universe, and figured there would only be a few more years afterwards, tops. They set their calenders accordingly.

-- In the 40s, Queen Hippolyta used the last name "Esther" in her secret identity. This was suggestion of the Flash. It's a good thing he can run fast.

-- Hippolyta once convinced the entire Green Lantern Corps to take a group picture, from the back. She has it on her wall.

You Can Always Count on the Flash

I had weekend work today. I got the day shift portion (which is insanely early, who is up at that hour?) Now, as a certifiable night-shift-owl, it's unnatural for me to sleep during the hours of darkness. So, in preparation for this shift, I obtained maybe an hour of rest. We had a light day planned, maybe an hour or two of inspections for Monday's flight. But apparently my regular shift can't get along without me so they left us with a bunch of jets that couldn't fly. I was out there thirteen hours today. Everytime we fixed one problem, another developed. I have to fix three new problems tomorrow morning.

Frustrating, I tell you.

So, in desperate need of relaxation, I turned to my Golden Age Flash Archives, which I haven't touched for a year. I haven't had a chance to read through Volume 2, so I figured I'd do a little glancing around for fun innuendo.

I opened to a random page.

This is what I saw:



I am a childish woman. I couldn't help but chuckle at the first line.

Then I moved on, to the very next panel:



Life is Good.

Because of the Meme...

I've seen a 200% increase in traffic since being linked to Dorian's Always Remember meme.

It warms my heart to see so many of you viewing the best Green Lantern has to offer.

Linkblogging (Been saving some of these)

Hmm.. some of these are old, but too good to pass up.

Click Here for More Links

Firstly, if anyone is still here from Jog's place looking for Seven Soldiers insights, I don't have any for Mister Miracle yet. I suggest you check my archives, and then head over to Melchior's. If you are so inclined, the Bulleteer #3 preview is up at PopCultureShock.

The Comic-Blog Legion -- I found out about this last week, but umm.. Well, better late than never. Check it out.

Now, a concept we really need to see more of in comics. I think it could help. Maybe we could petition the Dark Lord.

Some lovely discussion of Frank Miller.

Alan Scott's son comes out. Fans speculate on Alan's reaction.

They've got to be kidding.

I believe this one may be serious, though.

Here's an interesting Legion of Superheroes/Infinite Crisis Theory (Mild Spoilers)

Well, he's wierd but he has a point. Especially in lieu of this and this.

If you are particularly strong of heart -- Click at your own risk.

And last, but never least, the following people have blogged about Green Lantern (I'm not the only one!):

Mogo -- Kalinara

John Stewart -- Jer-El78, GlyphRich, and myself

Kyle Rayner and Guy Gardner -- Kalinara, James Schmee, Mallet, Greywing, Chris of the Matter-Eater Blog, and Devon.

Hal Jordan -- Jerry tells us how to draw Hal. Scipio, Dave of the Longbox, and Marionette discuss Hal getting hit on the head. Sleestak tells us about Hal being stupid. Dave of YACB shows us Hal being badass (mind-controlled).
This all leads to the challenge of Zombie Mallet: Be nice to Hal this week. Mallet's got a head start on us, but I'll do you one better. Do an "I Love Hal" post before the end of February, link me to it in the comments, and I'll link all of them by the time Green Lantern #9 comes out, and then crosspost those links on a few Green Lantern message boards. So, give it a try. It'll get you some traffic...

On a lighter note.

More Banners for Dorian

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Okay, I think it's all out of my system now.

Thank you

Feel Like Vomiting

(Sincerest apologies to Kalinara for stealing this rant idea, but I need to vent)

Well, just learned from Chris Sims about Spider-Man/Black Cat #6.

Turns out that its revealed that Black Cat was raped in college.

Lovely, another one for the list.

Yes, there's more to this.

I first read this sort of thing in a comic in my teenage years, when I bought some back issues that included Wonder Woman #1. I was irritated that it was there and chose to ignore it.

I then encountered it in Watchmen. Found it disturbing, but it served the story.

Same with The Killing Joke.

I didn't really mind it in Green Lantern #109, because I didn't care much for Jade to begin with. I just considered it a lackluster issue and moved on.

I thought Mia in Green Arrow having been a hooker was an interesting past for a potential sidekick, and was more bothered by her blonde hair and blue eyes than her traumatic past.

I didn't think the Engineer in the Authority needed this at all.

I honestly didn't care much about it in Identity Crisis. I mean, it was pretty vile, but it was about the only horror that could explain away the irrational actions of the Justice League.

But when you start putting them all together, you get a freaking bad trend. Nearly every female character has sexual trauma in her past.

Someone needs to sit these writers down and tell them to stop. You're not adding emotional resonance to the story anymore, because this ploy is tired and overused. You are not showing the slightest sensitivity to women's issues, so don't consider yourself enlightened for using such an adult subject. And you are not making the female character any deeper and more compelling with this, at all. If anything, they become more superficial because the issue isn't properly explored.

And it really bugs me that these writers find the only way they can emphasize a female character's strength is by giving her a past sexual trauma to overcome. As though this is the only trial fit for a woman.

I blame the guy who rebooted Wonder Woman (not Perez, the guy before him) for taking the Amazon's positive past and attitude and painting them as manhating isolationists with having been raped as justification for their prejudice. And I heard a rumor once that he'd planned on having Diana fend off a rape attempt within the first few issues but was stopped by editorial. I'm sorry, that's just plain stupid. Every crime prevention briefing I've ever attended has emphasized certain behaviors to avoid being a victim. Your standard rapist would not target a six foot Amazon who carries herself like a Queen. Too intimidating, too risky.

But I digress. However it started, it needs to stop. It's not only cheapening the characters, but the depicted trauma which happens to far too many women everyday.

Knock it off.

Or Else.

I can't stop...

Blame Dorien, and to a lesser extent Kalinara.

(I have at least 10 more saved on my computer.)

Okay, One More

"Next time, you give me the paperwork before I get all the way to Oa!"

(Yes, that was Mr. John Stewart in the hooded sweatshirt)

(Check out LiveJournal's Green Lantern art meme)

Alan's Shame

Let's face it, poor Hal Jordan has been put through the ringer by the comic-book blogging community.

He's an irresistable target. An arrogant man who is constantly being hit over the head. How can we not make fun of him?

But, in the interest of fairness, I must bring to light the tendancy of the rest of the Green Lantern Corps to also take beatings over the head.

Click Here for More Head Injuries
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Green Lantern Follies

First, we see that Hal has passed on his tendancies to his respective successors.





So, surely, this clumsiness is only inherent in the human males in the Corps.

Right?


Katma and Arisia might disagree.



The Green Lantern Corps is for Equal Opportunity injury after all, I suppose.

But this isn't even the most shocking display of incompetence in this franchise.

Feast your eyes upon the Great Alan Scott, Green Lantern of the Justice Society, 1940-1951.



Here we see where poor Kyle went wrong:



We also get a double-feature in a later issue...



But hey, at least Green Lanterns have never been taken in by their own powers..



Oops, spoke too soon.

Yes, that was Alan Scott being beaten with his own power beam.

I think we've seen enough.

John "Hal's Got the Paperwork" Stewart

DC has had trouble with John Stewart. They have five Green Lanterns (once again, Jade doesn't count) and each one was slated, after Rebirth, to appear regularly in a book. Hal got Green Lantern, Alan got JSA, Guy and Kyle each had roles in two miniseries, and John would get JLA.

The one year later solicits have revealed a few changes. JLA is being canned. John has only had a marginal role anyway, so its not much of a loss. Kyle's getting an ongoing. Guy's supposed to be headlining Green Lantern Corps when it actually starts (although I find it suspicious that it hasn't been solicited yet). John is only marginally mentioned.

He does, however, appear in the Green Lantern ongoing.

Just not nearly enough.

Yes, there's more to this.

Now, I like John Stewart. I think DC's writers do, also. But it's hard to think of things to do with him that aren't better suited to one of the other three. Hal, Guy, Alan, and Kyle all have distinctive aspects to their personality that just invite certain types of stories. Even the JLU version, when you get down to it, is basically a hard-ass version of Hal Jordan, and attracts the type of stories that in the regular DCU would go to Hal.

A lot of fans might tell you that the problem is that John has no distinctive aspects to his personality.

They would be wrong, of course.

John Stewart was heavily fleshed out in Green Lantern: Mosaic. Outside of Mosaic, I think John's written like a Virgo. Meticulous and detail-oriented, but still able to pull back, see the big picture and adjust accordingly. It's a good surface personality, and fits well into the Mosaic storyline, especially the issue where Hal confronted him. Hal thought his friend was losing his mind, but John was just undergoing such changes that his true self was bubbling to the surface. On the surface, however, John is a Virgo and Virgo isn't really an exciting and sexy sign. Their personality type isn't the kind you see in high adventure, not like a reckless Leo, a tempermental Aries, or a busyminded Gemini. The writers get distracted by these other personalities, and so they follow them and leave John alone.

That's one of the great things about Green Lantern: Rebirth to me. We see the John Stewart of Mosaic again. The mature John who kept his social activism/conscience. And it's not social conscience like Green Arrow. Oliver Queen mainly comes off as a blowhard. John Stewart doesn't simply sound off about the symptoms and the wrongness of the issue. He's an Earth-type, but his mind is a razor-sharp sword, that pierces to the heart of the matter. Even under the influence of Parallax, he's sharp enough to give Batman a verbal beating like he's never had before. And he follows up next issue by physically beating the snot out of the entire JLA (with a little help from Guy). This is the John we lost after Emerald Twilight. Our multifaceted rock. Our grounded philosopher. Our thinking bruiser. Our self-examining, endlessly questioning warrior/poet/social critic. John Stewart, the fully rounded, fully realized, fully effective character was back. If only for one mini-series.

As rich and deep and soulful as John is, he's still left to the wayside.



Why?

Is it the Earthly, solid surface to his personality? Does this superficial personality seem to boring in an action story? Does he lend himself better to introspection?
Or is it, as some contend, his race?

Or is it a combination of the the two?

John's motives, values, and personality encourage social activism. Now, this is responsible social activism, mind you, not simply the venting partisan paranoia of some loudmouths we know, but a fully rounded fully realized responsible consideration of the issues. John is no slave to a political ideology, or any foolish consistancy. Nor is he fickle or reactionary. He is a truly radical thinker. He avoids camp mentality. Instead, he's a reasoner who adjusts, learns, and grows. John's social activism works best in a situation that shows both sides of an uncertain conflict. There, he can mediate a blanced solution that involves openness, education and understanding.
To say it short and simple, a good John Stewart story needs to be long and complex.

This leads us to two problems. First, and this may be a shock, John is a black man. That is not a coloring error. This gives us a combination-prejudice problem with his writing. From his story options glares one stunningly obvious theme. This theme was used well at his conception, but after 34 years writers may still find this theme too irresistable not to use, which then leads to a paranoid perception of John-- "He's black, so if we do a racial tolerance story it'll be seen as stereotyping" combines with "He's black, so let's make it a racial tolerance story" to create John's most recent role in Green Lantern, which involves bitching at Hal for joining the USAF, calling Hal at the scene of a car accident, bitching at Hal for the paperwork, and giving Hal a message Superman felt to socially awkward to deliver personally.

I know we all have our personal crusades, and many of us pursue a social cause exclusively. But John is a comic book character. He needs to be flexible and appeal to the widest audience possible from the start, so that he will sell, and develop a large enough fanbase to stick around. And John has loads of potential. We need him to stick around for another Gerard Jones. We don't need him slaughtered in the company crossover.

Secondly, John suffers from the stigma of social commentary. As superhero fans, we don't like it and we don't want to hear about it. I don't believe this is because fanboys are fangirls are necessarily bigoted by nature. Variety is the spice of life, and I've never heard objections to a character being a different gender, color or sexual orientation than is usually seen unless the character has been previously established as otherwise (though, for the record, I could've sworn Kyle was Asian from JLA those first few years, and I know for a fact I'm not the only one who made that mistake, so him not being 100% Irish isn't really a big deal) such as the Starboy reboot (which yielded a really awesome character design). It's more because any social awareness stories are reminders of the crappiness of existence, which we are attempt to escape from by diving into our stories about heroes and villains with absurb powers and motivations. A little reality, yes, is welcome. We want to laugh, so jokes about trying to make the bills and such are wecome. We want our bad guys as bad as bad can be, so a certain degree of grim and grittiness is generally acceptable. We want to empathize with our characters (just not through their helplessness!), so stories of complex motivations, failed romance, and a certain degree of tragedy is also encouraged.

There is, however, a limit.

In general, we don't like to be reminded of the idiocy of the human race as a whole.

We're after superhero stories, not after-school specials. If we want a life lesson, we will look for it. But as it is, if I see a female character I want her beating up bad guys, not wailing endlessly about the double standard. If I see a gay character, and he wants to get married, well, he'd better just move to Massachusetts and get on with it rather than spend a twelve-issue storyline fighting the governor. Again, more butt kicking, less preaching. And if I see a different colored character, I do not want them stopped at the door of the country club while the bad guy gets away. I want them to bust through, beat up the bad guy, and then get thanked.

Part of the problem of "A Very Special Issue" stories is the major let-down at the end. The injustice is too big to just punch away. The hero is usually deeply unsatisfied with the outcome, because it must be realistic (realistic = no hope). In order to lend weight to the issue, a feeling fo helplessness and impotence must be portrayed.

Case in point: Green Lantern: Brother's Keeper.

Kyle Rayner's Assistant Terry Berg (who, up until this point was a cute fun character with a crush on Kyle) is seen on a date with his boyfriend (who is a dead ringer for Kyle, talk about having a type, Terry!). They kiss in front of your standard, faceless, mob of morons. Morons beat the crap out of Terry. Kyle spends half the issue in the hospital waiting room, and the other half beating up the morons (which was not nearly as satisfying as it should have been) and asteroids. Oh, and bitching to Wally and Hal. GLAAD apparently gave Judd Winick some sort of award over this comic.
GLAAD knows shit about comic books.

Many fans still despise this storyline. Mentioning the name Terry Berg will attract much venom on most message boards, as the character is seen as a means to "hijack Green Lantern" for a social agenda. I very much doubt this is a reaction to the social issue itself. It's more the mood of the story. It was depressing and hopeless. The theme was helplessness. Kyle was coming off of an unbelievable power-up. Winick manufactured this situation to drive home the point of pointlessness. Kyle beats the crap out of the perpetrators, but cannot change their views, cannot change what they have done, and ultimately, cannot change the world. He's so insanely powerfuly compared to the featured morons he even feels like a bully for beating them up. The editorial point of the story was to make Kyle hate humanity and want to leave Earth.

It worked. Kyle was so disgusted he up and left that night, and so did many of his fans.

I'm sorry, this sucks.

I don't want to read a superhero story and get this much powerlessness out of it. I have little enough power in reality, I want hope and triumph in my fantasies. Villains so evil as to be inhuman must run away in the end with their tails between their legs. Heroes, even when setback, must retain some measure of control over their lives. Helplessness, injustice, that's fine for the middle of the story. But you don't end it with no progress. The situation needs resolution or resolve. At the end of the stroy, the problem must be solved or the hero must be resolved to solve it at a later date. In addition to doubling the hero's determination for change, some small progress must at least be made. Just one person needs to change their mind for the better.

This is the twofold problem of social commentary stories. The situation cannot be properly resolved, because it is a direct mirror to our society's unsolved problems. The underlying problem is too big to be resolved by a single person, and if it is resolved it is disrespecting the problem as a whole and destroying the faint reflection of reality in the story. Solving the situation that stirs up the underlying problem in a manageable storyline in a way that is satisfactory to the readers and respectful of the difficulty is a delicate line, and one most writers do not have the balance to walk. And they know this. So many of them don't even try.

Witness Wonder Woman. She can never eradicate sexism. There's only one of her. Yet, in the early stories, she seemed unstoppable. No one could resist her reasoning. She used a message of tolerance and understanding (and... hehe.. loving submission) to turn nearly every enemy she made into a friend, even that Nazi baroness! She's suffered badly since Crisis, and I think that's because they kept the "Mission to spread Tolerance" but will never let her win anymore. When writers use her to bring awareness to women's issues (The Once and Future Story), there's a hideous fatalism to the story. You are reading a tragedy. This is Wonder Woman's life mission, and it is doomed to tragedy. Wonder Woman should not be a tragedy, it should be fun and hopeful. She should be something women want to be!

Likewise, John Stewart should be someone fun to be.

He has one of the best concepts in all of comicdom. But due to the combination of being the only fully non-caucasion male Green Lantern flying about and having a history of being used for social commentary (good and bad stuff), he's become difficult to handle. Stewart's most unique strength is his social conscience. He looks at people and power and questions their motives, he looks at his friends and questions their motives, he looks at himself and questions his own motives. He's a character that lends himself to social activism.

But it is hard, in these pessimistic times, to tell a tale of social awareness and instill hope.

Green Lantern: Mosaic managed this. I think it's because the mirror wasn't so direct. I mean, it was firking obvious that they were talking about tolerance, but the messages wasn't hammered into the reader's head. It wasn't simplified, if anything, it was complicated more. Simply because it was damned wierd! Religious tolerence was explored with the Orthodox poulty, homicidal triplets and the displaced Crow Ridge Indian Reservation. Understanding through singing plants, Sex and violence and resurrection, something red, yellow trucks, yuppie copycats and the whole damned mess was about cultural tolerance!

And more than that, Green Lantern: Mosaic was fun. John got to make jokes.

Now that I think of it, Star Trek has the same advantage. By exploring social issues through an alien culture, they maintained just enough closeness to recognize the issue, but had enough of a distance that fans could explore the situation objectively, and engender enough hope that the audience doesn't feel like total defecation when the credits role.

This is the main advantage of all science fiction.

So why the hell are our Superheroes spending so much time in earthly problems they can't solve?

I mean, I think its vital to the story and the message of any social awareness plot that the heroes be allowed to change things for the better. Social commentary set on Earth restricts that change so as not to compromise the "mirror" so much that we can't suspend our disbelief anymore.

Twice the Lumps, Half the Time

For Scipio's collection, from Green Lantern #2, current series.

Now, this image shouldn't count, because it's in mid-battle, right?

Well, here's the thing. In this storyline, Hal gets his butt saved from the indignity below, suffered from a standard manhunter robot. His rescuer is a newer model manhunter robot. Immediately afterwards, Hal gets up to thank the new model, and suffers the indignity shown above.



Within a page of this, guess what happens again.

Welcome Back, Hal

Now the Meme can die.

I was avoiding joining this particular set of fun images, but someone was left out. When even Linus has participated, I can't let this meme die without one of these guys.

So always remember,



(All of them do!)

Why is No One Discussing This?

Sleep is For Suckers has the Infinite Crisis #4 Review up.

Now, I'm too lazy to read Didio's Crisis Counseling Interviews for myself, but luckily my fellow bloggers sum up the important stuff.

So, I'm surprised, no one has commented on this particular bomb:

And, a bit later, something I quite appreciated reading:

?: Will the Crisis have any major effects on the Starman legacy? Or on Opal City? Now that you have "terminated" Black Condor (in a rather disrespectful way, I must say), that city is without a hero.

DD: That’s a question only James Robinson can answer.

Yes, there's more to this.

Now, when I read that, I needed to give it a moment to sink in.

I mean, could that possibly mean what I think it means?

It's mildly possible Didio is just referring to Robinson as the Opal City expert, being the last writer to extensively use the city.

But it's a much better possibility that, given the the fact that Robinson is writing Batman's first OYL story-arc, that after he's finished there we'll get to see him dust off his old supporting cast a bit and show us what's going on in Opal City.

Maybe we'll get an Elongated Man miniseries. I'm not much of a Ralph fan, but Robinson handled him nicely before.

Better than that, maybe we'll get a Shade mini-series.

Or a Gotham Central-style police series based around the O'Dares. A little CSI-style stuff with Hamilton Drew as a consultant would be fun. I do want to see the Opal City Crimelab try and examine some of the Shade's shadow stuff again.

Maybe some other new hero or heroine will take up residence there. Shining Knight or Booster Gold would both work very well there, as Opal City has such a large time-lost population since the Post Demon storyline. I always figured it would attract more time-lost people, for the comfort of knowing other people in a similar situation.

Maybe Courtney will go to college at Opal University. She's got a healthy enough respect for the Starman legacy that she might consider that city ideal for striking it out on her own. I could see her doing it to honor a request of Jack's, or even the Shade's.

Maybe we'll get a brand-new Starman. Or one of the future ones hinted at before, like Danny Blaine. He needs a different costume, though. Hate that full-face mask. Only villains should have them.

Maybe we'll get a Starboy. We do have a spare, after all. The white edition has been floating aimlessly around the timestream since the reboot. And we also have option of bringing the black version back from some ambiguous future in the current Legion timeline, y'know, like they're planning with Supergirl and they did with Superboy before the reboot.
The Shade can set him up with a place to stay. Hell, Shade could tell everyone this is his long-lost son or grandson. Everyone would probably accept the kid without question. He's Opal's oldest living citizen, and no one knows where he lives. He could have a number of wives and kids scattered throughout the city, for all they know.

If nothing else, I get to add to my DC Comics Wishlist. I'm hoping to get a combination of the above. I'd love to see a time-lost hero from the future team up with a time-lost hero from the past. Or the Shade working with Hope O'Dare. Or just Hope and Clarence and Mason O'Dare, because they haven't even gotten cameos. Or be able to see Thom Kallor on a regular basis again I ended up dropping the LSH book, as the reboot's not to my taste, which is a shame because Starboy's new costume with the cape looks pretty sweet. I swear, if you had said white pants and cape with a starfield shirt I wouldn't made a face, but actually seeing it it really works.



Man, it'd be nice to see him in the JSA.

Green Lantern Fashion

I swear, I was writing my John Stewart post last night. But close to sunrise, I fall prey to a medical condition common among Night-shifters.

You see, my brain starts tor resemble cottage cheese.

This has prevented me from finishing my John Stewart post.

It has also further dulled my wit to the point that I cannot make a recognizable joke.

So, instead, I have a special treat that I've been saving for all of you.



That's right, it's the Green Lantern Corps dress uniform, as modeled by Kilowog!

Please note the length of the cape.



It allows an uninterrupted view of the most important body part.

Jim Lee -- Better artist than previously thought

Over at Crisis/Boring Change there's a good review of All-Star Batman and Robin up to the third issue.

It has pictures (like this one) to better comment on Jim Lee's cheesecakey art.

It's in that interview that I noticed something very important about the picture to the right.

Look around the stomach area.

Try it without distractions.



Do you see it now?

Ladies and Gentlemen, that stomach is convex.

Vicky Vale has a pooch-belly.

A small fat deposit over her abdominal cavity.

A gut.

Not just curves, actual fat. That's several notches above a lot of pinup artists. That's a few degrees away from a realistic woman. That implies Jim Lee finds pot-bellies sexy.

And he's willing to draw them.

Wow.

(She must be reading Supergirl)

I've been link-farming for When Fangirls Attack for 15 days now, and I've yet to see the panel at right in a post.

For shame, folks, for shame.

Anyway, Carnival of Feminists #7 is up here and mirrored here.

It's a big one this time. Lots of neat stuff.

The Comic-Book section has the most posts. I made it for my Bulleteer #2 review this time. Kalinara made it twice. A number of people I found while link-farming are there too.

Check it out.

Type this one into Yahoo

perpetual stick up her butt

More Kyle

There's a three-page preview of Ion #1 at Newsarama.

The biggest surprise, I think, will be if what appears to be happening in those pages is actually happening.

I'm iffy on the art, but that sequence could be distorted on purpose. And I may be unhappy because Kyle's front is tilted towards the camera the whole time.

But I must own the first issue.

I feel confident we'll get a worthwhile angle on the character once the actual series is underway.

Ion Musings

The April solicitations came out before I woke up today (damn nocturnal hours) and the Internet is abuzz with a sigh of disappointment.

April is an ending month. Infinite Crisis Ends on April 19th. Seven Soldiers ends on April 5th. 52 doesn't start until May. Wonder Woman doesn't relaunch, neither does The Flash or JLA. These solicits are well into the OYL story, but they can't give much away witgout giving away these endings. I think it's fairly natural to feel a certain let down for this month's solicits.

Basically, for new stuff we have Checkmate #1 and Ion #1 on April 26th. The very next week after Infinite Crisis #7, which heavily implies that their storylines depend on events in that book.

ION #1
Written by Ron Marz
Art by Greg Tocchini
Cover by Ivan Reis
Following the events of INFINITE CRISIS and the RANN/THANAGAR WAR SPECIAL, writer Ron Marz (GREEN LANTERN) returns to the character he created, giving Kyle Rayner an entirely new lease on life in a new ongoing series with art by rising star Greg Tocchini (1602: New World, Thor: Son of Asgard)! A distraught Kyle Rayner has emerged one year later, transformed with abilities that may surpass those of any Green Lantern ever. So beware his power...because his might may not be on the side of right. For a signed edition, see Dynamic Forces section of Previews.
On sale April 26 • 1 of 12 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US Edited by Eddie Berganza

There's a bit been made of it on Comic-Bloc and on the Newsarama thread that the book is solicited like a maxi-series ("1 of 12") but it states its an ongoing. I'm not sure what to think about that.

As you may have learned from James, Ron Marz is already dropping hints for the nature of the Ion series. He's very careful about what he says about Kyle, but he has no problem ruining the ending of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho. (To his credit, he left Citizen Kane out of this.)

"I will tell you that due to events in the Rann-Thanagar Special, Kyle finds himself with quite a bit more power as his disposal. But adjusting to all that power is ... problematic."

"When the series opens, it is indeed 'One Year Later'. Kyle's been through quite a lot, and he's trying to put his life back in order. He'd like nothing better than to have time to paint and get his head together. But events transpire that won't let him do that. Something happens that pulls him back into space."

Which all begs the question, what happened to make him still so upset a year after the event? Kyle generally recovers easily.

The first Green Lantern story I ever read was Green Lantern #91, which is a story about Kyle getting tortured by Desaad, and flashing back to the day before where Donna had up and left him. Marz had a fondness for flashbacks and dream sequences that entire run, actually. It's very possible this first storyline is set during the One Year gap, and we open with Kyle reflecting on the events of the past year, or even relating them to another character.

And there's a clearer version of the cover, but I still don't think it's the final product. You can see Guy and John in the background, though. Everybody who's ever been and Earth Lantern is standing there behind him. Fairly symbolic.

But I'm still wondering, why cover the face?

Kyle's New Costume

Nothing gets the guys at Comic-Bloc talking more than Kyle Rayner's wardrobe. This thread is jumping. It's up to 12 pages already. Ron Marz himself even got sick of the arguing, and chimed in at about Post #134. Aside from that, thread highlights are Wyldewolfe's response, this inversion of colors to outline the emblem, and James Meeley's response to Ron Marz.

There's also a redo with Kyle's classic crabmask posted there.



There's so much complaining, someone sent out a call for everyone to do their own costume redesign.

This was my shot at it.

I tried a male, I can't draw males, so I figured I'd go with Kalinara's gender-skewing and see what a female Kyle would look like.

What do you guys think?

Why can't poor Kyle ever cut a break?

I mean, seriously, Kyle Rayner's dayjob is artist. He's known to be vain. He's established as exceptionally good-looking out of costume.

But instead of leaving him in a normal Green Lantern uniform, where he looks absolutely adorable, they have to give him some unique look. And he gets stuck with the worst costumes.

Case in point: Comics Continuum has a preview cover of Ion #1.

Maybe it's not as bad as it looks. Maybe we'll see the interiors and find that it's wierd lighting. Maybe we're all just disappointed not to get a Green/White color scheme again like last time he was Ion. Maybe we're disappointed the floppy hair isn't back. Or maybe there's just something off about the hands.

But there is always some glaring little thing wrong with a Kyle Rayner. First, it was the crabmask, then it was the dog collar, now its -- Well, everyone seems to see a different problem here.

Can't any of these guys design a costume?

Are we going to have to get out a Ouija board and have Gil Kane do it for them?

Reveal Thyself!

I have been informed of De-lurking Week.

And I have judged it a lovely idea. Worthy of introduction to the Comic-blogging Community. If you've been lurking here all the while in the all-concealing shadows now's the time to step out and say "Hi!"

Even if you already talk to me all the time, leave your calling card just the same, thank you.

So, whether you've come in search of Green Lantern Rumps or Shiny Metal Racks, I want to hear from you. Tell me anything. Tell me hello, tell me goodbye, tell me your name, tell me about how you picked your name, tell me about yourself, tell me about your day, tell me off, tell me why you hate/love whatever character, tell me why the panel to the left is inappropriate for this subject, tell what picture I should have used, tell me anything!

Just say something.



(Please note: This post post-dated in order to keep it at the top of the blog all week. So, check the post below before assuming I've blown off updating again)

Mild Linkblogging

After years of inactivity, T has started blogging again.

Ethan Van Sciver has finished Green Lantern #9 already. And it's still due out in the same month it was solicited for!

Geoff Johns is kind (or cruel) to entice us with preview art on Comic-Bloc. Here is a Pacheco page from Green Lantern #7 and some Ivan Reis art from Green Lantern #11. I think I may be in love. At least, until I actually see what Ivan looks like. Right now I picture him like he draws Kyle Rayner.

Another thread of interest on that board is the one speculating that Green Lantern Villains are based on Message Board Stereotypes.

Spencer Carnage points out a superhero with impeccable taste.

Deadline for the Carnival of Feminist 7 is set for 7AM EST Monday.

An excellent art blog. (Somewhere in this blog's archives is a picture of Cameron Stewart, the penciller of Manhattan Guardian, in a Firestorm costume)

Here's the Newsarama article the Reis art was snagged from. Some hints on Green Lantern, and Batman sounds good this year.

Newsarama also promises the April Solicits on Monday. They already have the cover and solicit for Infinite Crisis #7 up.

I noticed this only because he linked to me and I saw it on Technocrati, but Dan Jacobson wrote about the recent Mutant depowering at Marvel. Pretty good.

Zombie Mallet has an interesting theory about John Byrne.

This is a wierd site.

And finally, like Jon, I joined the mob and drew Batgirl. See my wretched scribblings on my rarely updated livejournal.

Shining Knight

I'd like to take you back in time to August 31st.

Seven Soldiers: Shining Knight #4
My first thought upon finishing this comic was "I'd like to have Grant Morrison's baby."
Then I realized that would make me fat.
Seriously, though, this Seven Soldiers thing is that good.
Morrison throws a plot twist in there that I, as a major fan of King Arthur stories, have seen at least once (I believe more than twice, though) before, and I never saw it coming. But it makes perfect sense, and totally redefines how you consider the characters.
I liked Justin before, but was iffy if I wanted this new Shining Knight to replace the Golden Ager -- as I am not an advocate of killing off characters that were created before my parents, and killing off the Golden Age Sir Justin was likely if they had a replacement. And I liked seeing Sir Justin in Stars and STRIPE. He was pretty cool.
But after this twist is revealed, I say kill him, or freeze him in ice again, or drop him in the timestream. Push him to the sidelines again, because Morrison's revamp is the Shining Knight I want to see around.
I want to see Sir Justin in Wonder Woman! Right now! Kill Cassie or Donna (again) if you need to make room, but do so post-haste!

The above is from my first set of comic reviews. Yes, I have done them on this blog! In fact, the main reason I started this blog was to write the above review.

(I'm going to spoil the ending to Shining Knight #4 in a big way, so if you're waiting on the Trade, stop right here until you're done with Volume 2. I'm serious here. Big Warning.)


All others, Read on.Standard Seven Soldiers Spoiler Warning



The basic plot of Shining Knight is this: Newly knighted Sir Ystin participates in the last battle of Avalon in the Castle Revolving against the Sheeda (Evil Fairy) Queen. He, carrying the King's sword Caliburn, falls into a flowing stream of water who turns out to be a gateway through time. He's plunged into a Modern City. Wierdness ensues. But, unfortunately, the Sheeda Queen is still alive and knows the young knight has that sword. So, she hunts him down and sets him against a corrupt Zombie form of Sir galahad, the Knight he squired for, for her amusement. During the battle, Ystin is revealed to be a female. The Queen laughs at her, but is distracted by other news. She leaves, ordering that Ystin be enslaved. Ystin kills Galahad, escapes, and sets out to kill the Wicked Queen.


You see, after I read Shining Knight #4 I hit the internet, eager for reactions to this revelation.

I was disappointed to say the least. Nobody else seemed to love it as much as I did. I felt a need to express my feelings.

I never once wondered what the "point" of the revelation was.

It had initially seemed to me to be a skillful way of highlighting Ystin's transformation over the series. I mean, internal change has happened. As of that battle, Ystin has accepted that there is no going back to Camelot, and has chosen to do what she can to help this world. This is a major character change, and he needed to ensure that it sunk in by making sure the Audience could never look at Shining Knight the same way again. What better way to do that than to reveal in the middle of a fight scene that the character is a different gender than they'd thought? It's guaranteed to change the viewpoint of the reader.

I also thought she was one hell of a character to add to the DC stable. Here is a time-displaced teenaged girl. Her origin is actually fairly simple to relate. She's distinctive in personality and interests from the other teenaged girl cliches we keep seeing. And, she's a brunette in a time of way too many blondes, so she'll be distinctive out of the armor.

But, a lot of people missed that. So, rather than just take my own enjoyment at face value, I found myself thinking carefully about the series itself.

It only enhanced my enjoyment when I reread it.

Knowing that Ystin was a girl, I noticed several things.

In the first issue, she finds a close female friend (Olwen) in the Sheeda lair. She attempts to help Olwen get free, only to be stabbed unexpectedly. Seems this was the woman she befriended at all, but a two-faced shapeshifter. She meets a twisted dead version of King Arthur himself. And of course, she meets the vicious Queen of Terror. A leering, scantily clad woman who would seem the ideal in feminine empowerment, as she's the ultimate ruler of her kingdom, but is in reality a corrupter and an exploiter of everyone and anyone she runs across. In the second issue, she falls prey to guilt and despair. Everything that has gone wrong is her fault and there's no place in this world. We see a prophecy by Morrigu that there would be an age where "women would be shameless, men strengthless." She meets a virtuous man who gives her some minor advice and then leaves to handle his own business. In the third issue she finally meets a pure-hearted woman, but this one wants to categorize her as a time-travel anomaly, and unwittingly brings disguised destruction with her.

In the fourth issue, all hell breaks loose. Her first love turns into a violent leering monster, her greatest secret is revealed to a crowd of spectators who are staring at her breasts, and there is blood everywhere.

At this point I stopped and thought to myself -- "Hey, wait a minute... This seems familiar."

"Aw, Hell!"

Yes, Ladies and Gentleman, Grant Morrison has managed to capture the experience of puberty for a young girl.

All of your female friends seem to become two-faced bitches who stab you in the back. All of your male friends turn into lewd brainless zombies who think of nothing but breasts. Older Men dismiss you. Older Women want to fit you into a potentially harmful little boxed personality. To top it off, your body has decided to completely betray you, becoming whatever shape is the least convenient for you, and an icky, disgusting embarrassing thing for about a quarter of each month.

So, what makes this a particularly feminine coming of age tale?

Well, there's the blood.

Particularly the feeling that everyone's attention is drawn to the blood.

Oh, and everyone's attention drawn to the breasts, also.

But most of all, it's what I mentioned above. Morrison clearly wanted us to never look at Ystin the same way again. Well, once puberty sets in, the change is far more drastic for young girls. Nobody ever looks at you the same. If you develop early, there's leering and jealousy. If you don't, there's an attitude that you are not good enough. You're no longer innocent after that age. You can't play with the same friends, or even the same games anymore. All of the adults you dealt with before react very differently to you. All of the rules have changed, right underneath you.

I never liked teenaged girl characters a lot. I despised both Wonder Girls, wanted to see the Spoiler killed, only knew PAD's twenty-something Supergirl, and could care less if Secret and Arrowette were dead or evil. Empress was cool, but that's more because she had smoky teleportation than because of her age and gender. I like Stargirl and Batgirl, but I wasn't even willing to give them a chance until after I turned twenty. I still have no attachment to Speedy, or anyone but Stargirl. And all of them, save Batgirl and Empress, look identical.

But I adore Shining Knight and I know I would have as a teenager. And I would've read her for the Camelot stuff.

Maybe it's personal. I'm fuzzy about a lot of "rites of passage" but I will always remember very clearly the first time an adult pointed out my breasts and told me to wear a bra, the first time a classmate pointed out my breasts, and of course, how big a jerk my first crush actually turned out to be.

So, everybody, get your soda cans, whiskey bottles, and water glasses handy and join me in a toast. Here's to a damn good mini-series, a wonderful new teenaged girl character, sixth grade, learning the truth about my first crush just in time, blood, training bras, tactless nurses who mean well, backstabbing girls who grow out of it, and wondering how the hell Grant Morrison knows what its like to become a young women.

Seven Soldiers: Zatanna

I just reread Zatanna.

At the risk of stating the obvious, I think it's about becoming a mother.
Spoilers here, so read on at your own risk.Standard Seven Soldiers Spoiler Warning

No, I'm not talking the literal physical pregnancy thing here. I'm talking metaphysically. We've all seen the spiritual trinity of Maiden/Mother/Crone applied to female characters so much that it's become cliche. But here's the thing, it's an accurate depiction of the phases of a woman's life applied through mythology. It's deeply a part of our subcollective cultural view of women.

All three women of Seven Soldiers are making the transition from Maiden to Mother in some manner. Sir Ystin is making a physical transformation. She's growing from a child to fertile young woman (note the "I smell the blood of a womb" comment from Gloriana). Alix Harrower has actually regressed from a fully realized confident young woman (in the mother stage of life -- she's nuturing a marriage, her husband's dreams, and her own career -- which deals with autistic children) to a child playing dress-up. She's still midway through her series, but in order to survive you can tell she'll need to grow up by Seven Soldiers #1.



And then there's Zatanna.

When we meet Morrison's Zatanna, we can see that she's been trapped in Maidenhood for such a long time. She's trapped not only by DC's elastic timeline policy and our cultural obsession with youth in women, but also by her own nice in the DC Universe

DC's elastic timeline, as we all know, serves to keep up to 60 years worth of events trapped in a 10-15 year model. I call it elastic, because I think that at some point we'll find out in some future crossover that the Timeline in the DCU is actually stretching to fit all of stuff that's happening into just 15 years. Jon points out that everything that has happened since Zero Hour all fits into one year. That's a single comic book year stretched out to accommodate eleven years of publishing. (On the other hand, Kyle's quite a prodigy, isn't he? And he sure as hell can't have breached 25 yet)

Zatanna's physically trapped because we want our female superheroes to remain young, beautiful and sexual. There's a severe lack of Elder females in the Golden-Age set. While Ted, Alan, and Jay are around and showing their advanced years, the late Hippolyta was immortal and time-traveling to retain her youthful looks; Black Canary I is dead; Phantom Lady I is aged and retired; and Liberty Belle only very rarely surfaces. Poor Z has a double-dose of this trap, however, in that her "day job" is in show business. She's the Magician and Beautiful Assistant at once.

But the above can all be dealt with. The major problem as I see it, is that Zatanna is a legacy character, though we often forget it. She succeeded her father, Zatara, as the top-hatted backwards talking magic-user of the superhero set. Her place in the legacy-driven DC Universe was secured by her father's long-standing death and her own lack of a sidekick to replace her. Unfortunately, this leaves poor Zatanna at a loss. There is no aging in her world. Her Elder Statesman is dead and vanished, and she has no teenaged counterpart to outline the passage of time.



This is a big deal. Look at the Green Lantern franchise. Check out the the Showcase: Green Lantern stories of Hal Jordan. Compare them to the Hal we have now, and the one we had 15-20 years ago. Hal's matured quite a bit. Hal made a transition to a Fatherly archetype because he was given younger Lanterns like John and Guy to mentor. Early issues of Volume 3 illustrate this relationship between Guy and Hal beautifully. John and Guy were in turn able to mature because they had a hand in mentoring Kyle. Kyle, surrounded by a lack of other Lantern characters, was trapped in the rookie mold for more than a decade. Once Hal returned, and the Corps was restarted, however, Kyle was allowed to mature. Why? Because with a new Green Lantern Corps, he's surrounded by younger, newer recruits that enable him to become a mentor and grow past the Youngest Son archetype.

In Zatanna #1, we see these years of stunted growth pile up on her. She looks like a beautiful mess. The whole plot of the first two issues is because she's made a beautiful mess of her life. She craves maturity and stability, and having no family left, she does an ill-considered love spell and accidentally conjures up the villain of the first half. She then proceeds with a plan to gather her father's books, the last of his wisdom, and runs headlong into this monster she created instead. She's so devastated at this and her other past actions, and so drained of any hope for the future that she can't even get her powers to work.

She thinks she wants romance, but what she really wants is family. She particularly wants her father back. What she needs, though, is to fully grow into her father's shoes. But she can't do that, no matter how many times she saves the world, until she can fill the role of parent/mentor. She has all of this knowledge given to her by her father, and it's just there. She needs to pass it on. She needs to stop being a daughter and become a mother.

Enter Misty, the Beautiful Magician's Young Apprentice.

Look carefully at the art in issue one compared to two, three, and four. In the first issue, Zatanna is a lost little girl who never combs her hair. She's at the end of her rope, facing a nightmare she created, and utterly alone. Then Misty enters. Suddenly, Zatanna is responsible for another life. Not only that, here is a ready and willing receiver of all of that knowledge and wisdom her Father gave to her. She has her doubts about it, sure, but she ills the best role a person can. She accepts the challenge to teach and protect the next generation.

And Voila! Zatanna's confidence returns. You can see it in Sook's art on the covers alone. Again, she still has doubts, but the despair is gone. She may not have her powers back, but she's responsible for this.

And now, she's responsible for Misty. She has to handle it. And she's certainly capable. She's combat trained by the JLA, for heaven's sakes. She shouldn't be sitting in a support group when the end of the world is nigh! She should be stopping it!

Zatanna is finally allowed to grow to the next phase of life. She's passed her wisdom on. She has a protege` out there.

I'm afraid, however, that won't be the end.

You see, she's filling her predecessor's shoes in very direct way. Most of the other Soldiers are legacy characters, but only tangentially. Zatanna has directly taken over for her father.


And he died fighting the forces of evil.