Kadymae discovered the odious "Nice Guy letter" making the rounds, and linked a few reactions to it. I found hers
was the best:
If you agree with, or would possibly write, "You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy."
You are not a nice guy. You never were a nice guy. You will never be a nice guy.
You, are the text book definition of a user and that mean, thankless, heartless bitch (of either sex) is on to you like white on rice, so unsubtle is your approach. And, as an aside, an in kind reciprocation would be returned emotional intimacy. What you're asking for is not a like exchange.
The world owes you neither a living nor a lay.
Okay, I've dated this guy. Multiple this guys, actually, before I wised up. This is the guy who pretends to be your friend until he gains your trust and your sympathy, then he manipulates you into dating him. Then he tries to manipulate you into bed.
And if you are honestly, sincerely not interested -- he counts on your guilt and softheartedness to prevent you from turning him down. He turns you into the evil bullying bitch in his sob story if you do turn him down right away. If you go out with him once or twice to give him a fair chance, then let him down easy, then he turns you into the evil bullying bitch who led him on for so long in his sob story.
"Nice Guy" is a dirty word in the feminist community because that's how this guy describes himself, as a "Nice guy who can't cut a break." In reality he's a world class bitter manipulator.
"Nice guy" is just when a bitter manipulator puts on a mask to pretend to be a decent fellow.
I'd much rather a decent fellow, a guy who is actually honestly your friend. Yes, those guys exist. They don't whine about that not being rewarded with sex for being friendly. They are friendly when they actually want to be friends. When they want sex, they don't play up their pathetic sob story, trash all other women, and use guilt to get it from a girl who just wants to talk.
God help you if you're shy or anxious yourself. Because then he's out to assassinate your self-esteem just so he can get a lay. See, being firm and clear and making an enemy of the "Nice Guy" is probably the only way to get rid of him. He knows this, so he plays on any part of your behavior to make you think he's really a decent fellow and you don't want to hurt his feelings. And you want him to be a decent fellow. You need
to believe he's a decent fellow, because otherwise your mind is worthless. Otherwise, the only reason anyone would want to talk to you is to get closer to your body. You want so badly to believe he was genuinely interested in you as a person that you go and make excuse after excuse for this guy and let him manipulate you into that relationship. You do this until the circumstances are dire, and you may be stuck with him forever.
Then you finally drop him, and feel like you're a bitch for doing so. And he goes ahead and reinforces that.
I'm sure by now that some "Nice Guys" don't think they're being malicious (just as the shy anxious girl thinks she's being nice by not nipping this thing in the bud). One of Kadymae's commenters
talks about how he used to be one and is now learning to be a decent fellow.
Here's the thing, though. It's not really being "nice." It's not really being decent. It's not really being personable in any way. It's being jealous of other men and assuming that all women reason exactly alike (thinking "Hey, that asshole has a girlfriend. I don't. Maybe all women only like assholes" and letting confirmatory bias work its magic). The best I can judge from the writings and whining of professed "Nice Guys" is that this is wanting to be an asshole but having such low self-esteem you feel you can't get away with acting like an asshole. It's this horrible combination of cynicism, cowardice, and pessimism that acts like flashing sign to ward off any chance of procreation.
Honestly, you having trouble getting laid and want to? Stop forwarding the misogynistic emails. Stop trashing your ex-girlfriends. Stop trashing your would-be girlfriends. Stop being fucking sneaky about your crushes.
Read a self-help book. If you can't implement the advice there, see a psychologist. Work out your personal issues before blaming women for your problems.
Then go to the local singles scene.
I know that this is harsh advice and that some of you may doubt my credentials in this area. So for the end of this post I have prepared some brief answers to predictable responses. (These answers will likely not prevent anyone from insisting that I do indeed blame men for everything, but fuck them if they can't read the rest of this blog or even the rest of this post.)
"I'm too shy and nervous around women!!" It is not the job of a girl to help you with that. That is what the shrink is for.
"Only losers go to those mixers and use online dating services!" So you're saying that scheming to get close to a woman by pretending to be her friend makes you NOT a loser somehow? At least with a dating service you're an honest loser, and you have a shot at being a winner.
"It's not worth the trouble." Then don't do it. But don't blame the rest of us for not having a social life.
"My ex-girlfriend really is a bitch." Bitch is a pretty misogynistic insult to be throwing around when you actually mean it. (Yes, I've used that insult about five times by this point, but I'm illustrating attitudes not expressing my actual opinion.) That aside, some ex-girlfriends are genuinely unpleasant people. Have you noticed a pattern of unpleasant ex-girlfriends? Do you feel that these girlfriends were all unpleasant because of your pleasant nature? Do you expect women to be inexplicably unpleasant in reaction to your pleasant nature, and blame the women for it? Do you feel that your ex-girlfriend was an unpleasant girlfriend specifically because she withheld sexual intimacy? If your answered "no" to these questions, then your girlfriend was probably just an unpleasant person. If you answered yes to all (or just the last one) of these questions, you
are the unpleasant person. (If your answers are mixed, I suggest soul-searching and not taking my posts so personally.)
"Ragnell, you bitter repressed feminazi bitch -- you're a fucking comic book blogger. What the hell do you know about socialization?" I know who is to blame when I spend a Saturday Night blogging. When I spend a Saturday Night blogging, it's because I didn't put the effort into stepping outside my door. Even if I have a date and it's canceled or a I have a crush and it wasn't reciprocated there are plenty of places to go and plenty of people to see where I live.
Okay, sometimes there's a damned ice storm to blame.