In case you forgot, I hate everyone.

I used to watch Transformers every Saturday when I was a kid. I believe it was the "Second Generation" series, but to be honest I don't remember much of the series. I just really remember 4 characters. Optimus Prime (of course), Starscream (because he was a cool jet), Soundwave (we had the toy), and Arcee.

Arcee was the pink Transformer, and the only girl. I remember being vaguely disappointed she wasn't going to be in the movie, but had hopes she'd show in the sequel. Well, my sister and other sources soon informed me she tested badly so they replaced her with Ironhide. In fact, my sister (an irrational Arcee hater) and I were just arguing about it, and I said I'd find the interview or article that was the source of the rumor that she was dropped and find out exactly why, and then we could come back and argue about Arcee. (In the meantime, we went back to arguing about Jazz in the movie, an experience which felt like pounding my head against a brick wall probably would)

Anyway, I found it. I found the fucking interview, and I am more pissed off than ever.

IGN: Were Soundwave and Arcee the two characters you most would have liked to see in the film? Or who would you have liked to include that you couldn't?

Orci: Those two were kind of the main ones, but a few different Transformers came in at various points to serve the story, but the story dictated certain other things. But those are the two main Transformers. I would have liked to see Arcee, but the idea of a female Transformer needs its own explanation, and there just wasn't going to be enough time. It would have been like, "Oh, that's convenient. They're trying to appease women with a pink Transformer." So rather than having that happen, let it just be a straight shot and speak for itself right now.

What. The. Fuck.

Why is being a girl so fucking special? Why is it that every other fucking robot has a male fucking voice and no one questions why they have gender coding but the fucking second you bring in a female voice and god forbid you put it in a feminine color you have to suddenly explain why everyone has gender?

Oh, I know. We automatically assume everything is male. Male is the default. Male is neutral and being a girl is some sort of freakishness that can only be explained as thrown in there to try and appease the women!

It's not like the entire fucking movie was built to pander to the audience that watched the cartoon and would know who Arcee was anyway.

I hate Hollywood. I hate Fandom. And I hate our fucking stupid society that tells me that my gender is weird and needs to be explained away, because don't you know everything is already male and femininity only exists when there's babies to be made dammit.

They're fucking robots. What the fuck is the harm?! If they were so fucking worried it would have taken two fucking lines for the stupid kid to be surprised to hear a girl and Arcee to explain that they're robots, they don't have gender, she just used a female voice.

And I remember they never gave her a toy until I was a grownup for some reason. Can't imagine why. The whole fucking franchise was a fucking toy commercial, but we had to wait how long for then to paint a robot pink?

(And I still don't have my pink convertible Transformer. Its a little motorcycle now.)

Bastards.

ETA: Hey, didn't Ratchet have a British accent? What the fuck?! They really think they would have needed to explain a girl voice?! And the body? They made her a fucking motorcycle. Why would they need to explain the feminine shape?! Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

Shouldn't have said that

I regret making this comment.

I should have said:

Hey Val, did they show you one of my letters?!

I didn't think of it until after I posted, though, and now it would look bad if I deleted it.

Still, I think my qualifications as a rabid Lantern Fan-warrior might be going back on my profile, because we're getting our reputation back and I may as well make use of it.

Dark is Rising Movie News (Its not looking good.)

"...dedicated to a Godly transformation and revolution TO and THROUGH the Film and Television industry. TO it, by serving, living humbly with integrity in what is often a world driven by selfish ambition, power and money – transforming lives from within, and THROUGH it, by creating relevant and evocative content which promotes Godly principles of Truth married with Love."

(Yeah, that's going to work well with all the pagan imagery.)

"...screenwriter John Hodge told me they dropped all the Arthurian stuff from the film."

(Yeah, there goes the rest of the book.)

Friday Night Fights Round 3!

For the viewing pleasure of Bahlactus, a little old lady beats the crap out of Captain Comet:

Recommended Reading Before Work

More Stereotypes than Meets the Eye -- Okay, I'm a sucker for movies that involve explosions and aliens so I missed the vast majority of what she points out (Except for Jazz. I couldn't believe that one when I saw it). Nora (guest-blogging at ABW) has a much better rundown of the issues with Transformers than I would be able to offer.

Well, okay, I have a rant on the exclusion of Arcee in me, but that has to wait until I can find the interview and read the exact wording on why she was dropped.

Thank you, Judd Winick -- Kalinara lays out the most recent reasons why Judd Winick shouldn't be writing superheroes.

Seriously, I think Brad Meltzer could be saved with some pointers on the importance of action, but Winick seems to think his writing is relevant, trendy and revolutionary when its the same old sexist cliches dug up and used with an unhealthy mix of bad characterization.

WHAT?

Des this person actually think they know more about Green Lantern than me?

The concept of Star Sapphire is based on seduction.

Okay, a retcon is not the basis for a concept, its a revision of a concept and its as temporary as a sandcastle given the amount of nostalgia found in most comic book writers today. The basis for the concept is where it was created. That story is out in a Showcase collection. This one is accessible.

And honestly, I don't understand why I should find it embarrassing that I can write a full coherent essay on the nature of Star Sapphire in Green Lantern in five minutes, especially in response to someone who takes the time to read and troll essays about superhero comics.

And again with the "its only comic books" argument as if that makes it okay to put out offensive shit. Two things wrong there: a) being junk lit just means that when you pick the offensive bits out its a sign that the theme is that much more interesting (and in some cases harmful) because its so ingrained in society it surfaces even in the light stuff, and b) we're shelling out three bucks apiece for these things, dammit. A little consideration is not too much to ask even if they are just cheap thrills.

Well, to be fair, he was pretty whiny in Ion too.

Deep in the heart of Oklahoma, Ragnell the Foul stirs in her subterranean lair. She lumbers towards the ancient computer on her desk, turns it on, and goes to make her iced tea the old-fashioned way. When she returns, the computer has booted up, and the wonders of cyberspace await her. She logs on to check the news, and discovers to her delight an interview with Ron Marz about what he plans to do with one of her favorite characters. She reads eagerly, nodding in anticipation of September's comic books when she sees something distasteful. She frowns, rubs the dusty screen with a scaled forearm and squints at the monitor.

Yes, he did indeed just say that.

She sighs and reaches a clawed hand for her set of Wonder Woman stationary. She selects the blue paper with the red envelope, then picks up a green quill. The creature takes a moment to phrase her objection in the clearest yet least offensive manner possible, and then she writes.

Dear Mr. Marz,

I am writing because I found your quote about the nature of the Donna-Jason-Kyle love triangle in the upcoming The Search for Ray Palmer miniseries problematic. You stated:

One of the things we’re going to be doing in this book—is this sort of triangle—between Jason, Kyle, and Donna. Jason Todd and Kyle Rayner are not going get along. I think in a lot of ways Kyle is the good ex-boyfriend and Jason is the somewhat alluring bad boy—and the bad boy and the good ex-boyfriend never ever get along.

I believe your phrasing of this story idea presents a flawed and malecentric view of romantic relationships.

From the viewpoint of a man who has just seen what appeared to him to be a perfect relationship dissolve, the next man may seem to be of such a different personality that the two men are destined to clash even without a woman in the picture. To that end, such a different personality may seem like a "bad boy" to the discarded gentleman. And even though the supposed "bad boy" is not a bad guy at all, the differences combine with the circumstances to create the illusion that a low-down scoundrel (a devil perhaps) has stolen the lady in question (or that the lady in question is a duplicitous, fickle woman who just doesn't appreciate such a nice guy). Indeed, when this sort of thing happens continuously it may seem as though women in general are attracted not only to this particular sort of scoundrel, but to bad men in general.

And surely a good many of the men who have found themselves on the unfortunate end of this sort of event use the written word as a way of working out their tensions. Since romance is one of the oldest sorts of stories, and we have a few centures of ignoring female voices in favor of male voices at our literary backsides, this has probably happened quite a bit with few counterexamples. This would naturally lead to the side of the story belonging to the "Good Guy" (the "Nice Guy") being overrepresented in romantic stories to the point it becomes a cliche, the sort of thing everyone knows and everybody jokes about. And because everybody knows it, and jokes about it, they are quicker to believe it in their own lives when they see a seemingly perfect romance dissolve.

But honestly, if you look at the situation from the point of view of the woman, and not the "Good Guy," you will see that there is usually a very good reason to look for a completely different personality in the next man. More often than not, the apparently "Good ex-boyfriend" was needy, whiny, irresponsible, childish, or held a host of other character flaws that are not readily apparent in the new "bad boy." The "bad boy" has his flaws, but they are rarely the same flaws the woman was rejecting and in my experience the "Bad boy" usually has strengths in the very areas where the "nice guy" was found lacking.

So you can see how your setup for the Jason-Donna-Kyle love triangle perpetuates an already cliched and unfair stereotype that just adds to the pile of cultural crap that allows so-called "nice guys" to avoid taking responsibility for their own flaws, instead blaming women who won't put up with those flaws for being duplicitous and fickle, or blaming other men for "stealing" their girlfriends.

I could understand it perfectly if Donna was ignoring Kyle for Jason because he had been whiny, childish, temperamental, needy, irresponsible, or annoying, but he hasn't exhibited those character traits since your run on Green Lantern ended several years--

At this point, she pauses and twitches her prehensile tail. After a few moments of careful thought, she puts down her quill and places the unfinished letter aside. She replaces it with fresh paper, and starts to write once more.

Dear Mr. Marz,

I will be picking up The Search for Ray Palmer. The love triangle you described in your interview sounds very true to life, and I look forward to reading about it.

Sincerely,
Ragnell the Foul
Four Miles Beneath Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA

Recommended Reading

Kalinara's on a roll.

(I dedicate that recommendation to the manager who turned around and yelled at me to smile yesterday. I've yet to see anyone do that to a male technician, but damned if I don't get told that at work three times a week.)

Green Lantern Fans, Help Me Test a Theory.

Okay, I'm watching the reactions to The Sinestro Corps and I'm wondering which version of Kyle everyone preferred, and how that coincides with whether or not they were happy with the special.

To that end, I have created a quick and simple poll. I decided on limiting the writers to just Grant Morrison, Geoff Johns, Judd Winick, and Ron Marz because all four of them wrote a fairly distinctive version of Kyle and put him in distinctive types of stories. (Plus, if I offered every writer who handled him for just one issue, it would get tedious. I picked the three writers who had him longest and the writer of the miniseries in question.)

Anyway, choose which writer of the four listed wrote the best Kyle Rayner, and whether or not you liked Kyle's part in Sinestro Corps.

(Poll Results)

Please vote, and feel free to leave conclusions in the comments. More on this one later.

Recommended Reading

I fully intended to rant here about the attitude towards superheroes and crying I found in this spoilery Sinestro Corps commentary. (I bookmarked it, but didn't say anything on the board because its page 22 of a 25 page post.)

But Kalinara beat me to it.

She put it better anyway.

Thoughts?

Adam Hughes did the cover for the San Diego Comicon Keepsake book. We had a newsgroup discussion and I'd like to get everyone's first thoughts on this one.

Quick Note

I've seen three posts today that suggest DC characters have been replaced by Skrulls.

Wrong universe. DC characters get replaced by Manhunter robots, which are currently active and being led by an old Superman baddie. Adjust your theories accordingly.

Friday Night Fights: Hal vs. Hal

Because Bahlactus demanded it:

An Open Letter to Geoff Johns From Your Average Green Lantern Fan

Dear Sir,

I've been a Green Lantern fan, a "Fantern" to use the embarassing vernacular, since I was a teenager. For the past few years, with few exceptions, Green Lantern Fandom has been calm and peaceful by comparison to the 90s. Bringing back Hal while keeping Kyle active was a beautiful idea that made majority of fans I interacted with happy. Yes, there were problems with lateness and people worrying about their favorites and John not being used but on the whole the majority of the Fandom put aside their differences, their personal insults, their undying character loyalty and geeked out in reasonable harmony for several years.

Today I have been checking the message boards, the blogs, and the livejournal communities. There is obsequious praise for yesterday's Sinestro Corps special, as well as conspiracy theories, personal attacks, ancient grudges, whining, complaining, and creator-bashing creeping into the conversation as anxiety sets in. Increasingly, criticism of the book is met with dismissal and personal insults by the fans who enjoyed it. While it is still quite tame in comparison to how things erupted in the 90s, I perceive that a second Hal-Kyle Fan War is inevitable and the fandom risks returning to the dark ages of insanity and obsessiveness.

So far, the only drawback I can see to that is that last week I wanted to post a rant for Friday Night Fights which pointed out that all of the Green Lanterns were alive, well, and active, show a picture of Green Lantern punching out the Flash and end with "Eat it, Flash-fans!" I could not find a picture that captured the sentiment and so I put it off a week. Too late now.

Other than that, though, this is good. It was really getting boring around here. Everyone but the John fans were so fucking happy (and the John fans were generally fucking quiet) that it was like being in the Twilight Zone. Things were getting so sickeningly good-willed that I was afraid to enter a Green Lantern fansite for fear of encountering a truckload of nerds gathered around the Central Power Battery, holding hands and singing Kum Ba Fucking Yah.

Seriously, I can't deal with that sort of thing.

This most recent story is a step towards proper interfan relations, and I wish you luck in bringing us back to the fandom I knew and fell in love with as a punk-ass kid.

Thank you for working so hard to bring the true nature of Green Lantern fans to light, and please disregard the previous hate letter that I sent when I was afraid you'd fuck Kyle up badly. I was actually very impressed with how you handled the matter, and found that my sometimes favorite Lantern was treated well. Also, that letter isn't written in real blood anyway.

Sincerely yours,
A Rabid Kyle Rayner Fangirl

P.S.: Bring Back Katma Tui

P.P.S.: Now, motherfucker.

Sinestro Corps Special

I'm not pissed.


Yes, they did screw with Kyle.


No, it didn't piss me off. Actually, I don't think Kyle fans have nearly as much to be annoyed with as John fans do or Hal fans did.

That doesn't mean it was a miss, I can wait to see how everything plays out.


Although what's really funny? Its actually a combination of some of the stuff we guessed. (I'll admit this issue also combined those with one idea I had that I left out of the post because I couldn't make it funny, and one thing that never occurred to me but really should have.) Also, that list helps a lot because it goes to show that there is a lot worse they could have done. I should try that again next time it looks like they're screwing with a character I love. Softens the blow.

Or maybe it was that I spent two and a half extra hours at work, only to have my car's battery die and need to be replaced. I was so unbelievably happy to actually get comics that nothing could have pissed me off.

Anyway, feel free to sound off with your reactions in the comments. I want to discuss this one but I'm not sure where to start other than to say that Kyle had better get a hug when this is all over.

From Green Lantern: Mosaic #6

This one's been on my mind since the September DC Solicits came out. Can't imagine why.

30 Ways to Piss Off Kyle's Fans

This week I got caught up in the Flash and other matters, so I nearly missed my chance to discuss this quote:

Van Sciver remarked, “Kyle Rayner fans may not like us after June.”

Its June 24th, and Sinestro Corps (supposedly) comes out on the 27th, so we only have a few days to guess at what he means. True, this is assuming that we can trust him (Hey, for all we know, Hal fans are the ones getting screwed over again), but some people are taking this as a fairly big clue as to Kyle's fate. The going rumor, of course, is still that Kyle will be taken over by Parallax. I'm sure there are some people reading this very post who are taking this as the only logical option.

But Ethan Van Sciver is not necessarily referring to that. There are numerous ways to screw over that character that do not involve creating Kyllax. Come to think of it, there are numerous perfectly harmless additions one can make to the character that will royally piss off his fanbase anyway. Anyone remember when Winick retconned him to Half-Hispanic? Kylefans had a collective shitfit. Given the nature of fandom, I don't doubt that there was racism involved in some objections. However, the retconning of his father from potentially evil government spook to superspy good guy in hiding was also involved, so I wouldn't say that's a definite reason someone would object.

Personally, I was more annoyed at the diversity cheat there. You think that fucking counts, Winick? He looks white. He has an Irish name. He was raised Irish. He doesn't even KNOW the other side of the family! YOU STILL OWE US A HISPANIC CHARACTER WINICK!!!

*Ahem*

Anyway, there's a lot of stuff that Johns can do to piss off Kyle fans, and we have only until Wednesday to get our theories out there before Green Lantern fans get shifted to a completely different track of mind (mainly, how to get revenge for whatever they've done to our precious Kyle). So, without further ado (and with the assistance of Kalinara), I present...

30 Ways to Piss Off Kyle Fans

1. Kyle is possessed by Parallax.

2. Kyle voluntarily hosts Parallax, figuring he can control him. He fucks this up big time.

3. Kyle loses his powers and is fired by the Guardians for it.

4. He returns as the new Star Sapphire.

5. Sinestro kills Kyle and stuffs him into Hal's refrigerator.

6. Kyle Rayner meets an alternate universe version of himself and gets involved in a relationship with her. They both die horribly at the hands of each other's enemies.

7. Kyle loses his powers and the use of his legs. He's a non-powered supporting cast member for the next ten years, then gets his powers back to become a twice a year guest star.

8. Kyle loses his powers and has to use a yellow ring. Within the next year he loses it, and discovers he has alien heritage and funky powers from that heritage.

9. Kyle gets kidnapped on the first page and taken out of the action until September.

10. Kyle's mom returns as Parallax. She becomes Ion after killing Kyle and sucking out his powers.

11. Kyle is not only 50% Irish, 50% Mexican, but he's part Kenyan, Australian, Cherokee, and Japanese. But he still looks white, so he gets panel time.

12. In their most thoughtful (sadly) attempt yet to appeal to female readers, DC brings us its newest retcon: Kyla Rayner.

13. Rather than retcon, Kyla Rayner is a plotline designed to appeal to transgendered fans.

14. Either way, she's getting married to Connor Hawke in October. There will be three special wedding issue tie-ins, and Superman jumps out of the cake again. Female readers are pissed because he's wearing all of his clothes again.

15. Kyle is de-aged to 15 and officially becomes the Kid Sidekick.

16. Kyle is ambushed by 6 of Hal's enemies. 3 of them back off, saying that Kyle's a child and not a Green Lantern, the other 3 attack with full force and kill him.

17. An announcement is made in the DC Nation column that Brad Meltzer will write a new miniseries: Kyle Rayner Gets His Ass Kicked Across the DCU.

18. Kyle sacrifices his power and his life to reignite the sun, and returns as the Spectre.

19. Kyle is out in the middle of a battle with Hal. He warns Hal to watch out, because the enemies are targetting him as the stranger one, but Hal doesn't heed his warning and a stray strike fries Kyle. In his last moments he bequeaths his powers to Hal.

20. Sinestro fakes Kyle's death to cover his capture. While Kyle is being tortured on Qward, Hal and Donna Troy start to date. This leads to a wedding in December, with three special one-shots, Superman jumping out of the cake, and Donna calls off the wedding because of a telepathic link with Kyle they'd never displayed before. Hal saves Kyle, who then goes into a coma for a few years. Upon waking from the coma, Kyle has brain damage and is unrecognizeable as a character. He dumps Donna.

21. Kyle gives up art to join the military.

22. Kyle discovers he has the ability to warp reality. After learning that the fat guy in Austin that Judd Winick wrote was merely a creation of that power and his unconcious desperate need to have a father figure, Kyle loses his mind and subtly attacks the JLA. He kills Oliver Queen (Nobody minds) and causes the Justice League to disband. Later, he remakes the world according to Hal's wishes, and when he's called on that he whispers "No more superheroes..." -- Okay, forget this one. Its just too mean.

23. It turns out that Kyle was secretly sent by his father (or some thing pretending to be his father) to kill Hal. This complicates things at the Oan water cooler.

24. Kyle is fired from the Green Lantern Corps for insubordination, but he wants to help Hal. So he takes some of Ganthet's plans and puts them into effect, starting an intergalactic war. He's captured by Amon Sur and tortured with a power drill. The entire scene is creepily sexy. He's brought to Oa for help afterwards, but Soranik lets him die for no good reason.

25. Kyle is found burned to death at the artist's retreat. An investigation proceeds, causing Hal to track down an old villain who raped Kyle but had his mind wiped in response. It turns out that this has nothing to do with the actual murder. Torah killed him for jealousy and used that flamethrower she carries around to cover her tracks.

26. Sinestro manages to steal Kyle's powers, but Hal rescues him and leaves him at his apartment while he tries to stop Sinestro's master plan. While he's gone, Carol gets possessed by Star Sapphire again. She goes to Hal's apartment to kill him, but finds Kyle instead and chops him to pieces in the kitchen.

27. Parallax possesses Kyle and forces him to fight the rest of the Corps. By the time he shakes him several lanterns are hurt, which causes great angst on the part of Kyle. He goes into seclusion into September, when he emerges to fight an alternate universe Hal who was never freed from Parallax. He's beaten to death during the battle, and doesn't manage to stop his enemy.

28. In the first few pages, Ganthet calls Kyle to Oa, takes him aside and says the words fandom will remember for decades: "Kyle, I am your father."

29. In the last few pages, Sinestro corners Kyle, and in the middle of the fight says the words fandom will remember for decades: "Kyle, I am your father."

30. In the last few pages, Sinestro corners Kyle, and in the middle of the fight says the words fandom will remember for decades: "Kyle, I am your mother. Its complicated."

Aww Hell.

Again. (Its funny, the last time was over linking too.)

Still, the comment thread there is surprisingly fun so far. They're talking about the wedding and the covers and ignoring the fight most of us got sucked into.

Edit: Okay, fun except for this one:

*blinks*
So this isn't about Dinah? Or the neverending debate about just how much of a w00bie Deathstroke is? Or who tops in the true pure love of SupaBat (Lois Lane WHO?)?

It's just...linkwank. *sigh*

TRY HARDER, COMICSDOM.

"Try harder?" You're kidding, right. We fight about that sort of shit all the time, its just that that community only ever pays attention to livejournal so they miss the really fun Comics fighting on the boards and the blogs. The really interesting stuff isn't even the linking (which Fandom_Wank only notices because it crosses over to livejournal, I bet) but when the pros fight fans. Yeesh, all that community has to do is watch Graeme or Shane's posts on Blog@Newsarama for a little while and they'd find better drama than just the link stuff. Or visit the DCMB.

They don't even have the order of favorite arguments right, do they? No Silver Age vs 90s characters at all. No Joe Quesada. No Marvel vs DC either.

Still missing the point.

Loren over at Suspension of Disbelief did an overlay test and discovered that the Power Girl cover was altered before release to give her a smaller breast size.

However, her lifeless posture, incorrect anatomy (the breasts are still anchored to her ribcage -- boobs don't work that way!) and utterly vacant expression remain.

Good god, DC, its not about the fucking cup size. Its about when your artist doesn't bother to draw the rest of her because he thought big breasts got the character across.

They don't.

Next time you kick Turner in the butt, make him fix the rest of the cover too. Or better yet, don't hire his lazy ass!

This one amuses me.

In the comments of my latest linking rant, Dan had this to say:

The internet is a public place. It certainly is. Most of us are aware of that. It is a fantastically open marketplace where ideas can battle against other ideas.

And you know what? Posting for the sole purpose of mocking another person probably is low and messed up. It might be funny. You might enjoy it. But that doesn't make it anything other than low. You are deriving humor by mocking someone else.

At this point I have to point out the rank hypocrisy of your post, however. Your point that the internet is a public place and people can say WHATEVER they want is well taken. Then, promptly, however you tell other people what they cannot say (in your words, "don't make generalizations about "Bloggers.")

Doubtless, then, you are a hypocrite.

Oh and points for reading comprehension. Go back and reread that thread you graciously aren't linking to. It is the professed "blogger" who made that generalization, not the professed "livejournaler." But perhaps you were too busy making a generalization to realize that.

You are "downright sick" of it? Downright sick? Well then I guess we should all stop right? Because you are sick. But if anyone else says they don't like being linked too (and that is what they said--fundamentally different that saying that bloggers should quit doing it), they should suck it up because you do like it? Please.

I don't expect this post to last long, because I know the internet isn't that open a space. And I know that people like to bitch at others without being bitched at themselves. But, when you delete this entry, please do me a favor and go back and reread that thread.

Sir, I'll not only not delete your comment, I'll repost it here to be fully appreciated by the audience.

I propose a "Guess what sort of foreign object is stuck up Dan's butt" contest.