Forget Death, the Character Needs to Be Eradicated From Continuity *Spoilers*

(Update: There's a followup post with a Mike Carey quote.)

Spoilers Below

Only the Sentry could be such a gawdawful black hole of originality and creativity that the character would piss me off the most of all in a single page of his funeral issue.

For those of you not following the current Marvel metaplot, the Sentry was created years ago as an April Fool's Day joke that actually wasn't too terrible to read left alone, but that went horribly awry when a writer who shall remain nameless rescued the character from the annuls of Marvel Imaginary Stories (I mean, Imaginary-Imaginary not Real-Imaginary like we've been reading) and brought him into the Marvel Universe in all his insanity. To be fair, I suspect this writer brought him back because he originally intended to write the Scarlet Witch in a tragic fallen hero trilogy where the Marvel Universe mourns the death of someone who as once a friend who had to be destroyed for the good of the universe. Then sometime after Part I was published (and he'd committed himself to Part II) someone pointed out to this writer that the Scarlet Witch had fans (and possibly that the way he drove her insane didn't really fit into continuity but that may be giving Marvel too much credit), so he handed off the Scarlet Witch (and Part III, now her redemption arc) to a television writer who would put her at the bottom of his priorities list, and dug up the fucking Sentry as the new centerpiece.

I have no information that confirms this is the behind-the-scenes chain of events, but judging by the way the crossovers since Disassembled have lined up Siege would have been the natural fall/redemption arc of the Scarlet Witch since the whole mess was started with Disassembled and House of M. I also got the impression from Son of M and the corresponding fates of Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch in the Ultimate Universe that they never intended to make Pietro Maximoff a heroic Avenger again (a Dark Avenger I could see, especially if Wanda's in the Sentry role). So without any inside information, I think Wanda being switched out for Bob is a fair conclusion, and honestly a charitable one because it suggests that this miserably clumsy insertion of Robert Reynolds into the Marvel Universe storyline and his seizing of not only the current metaplot but of every character's history and continuity was not intentional. It was them salvaging a storyline that could have been eyesearingly infuriating in all aspects, rather than fucking infuriating in one funeral issue. Specifically, one half-page of one funeral issue.

For those of you who missed my four-score-and-seven twitter posts ranting about it, I'm referring to this fucking page:



Yes, that's Scott Summers and Johnny Storm gossiping about Rogue and Sentry. Implying with the first question that she was in love with him, in the second that she fucked him, and in the last that they don't know when or how long the affair lasted.

(Full disclosure: when I first heard that Rogue lost a boyfriend, I was overjoyed because I thought Gambit was the next death in the X-men: Second Coming crossover event, and I hate Gambit. Then I discovered they had retconned in this relationship, I was enraged because not only were my dreams of Gambit's death shattered, but they had found the one character in the Marvel Universe besides Juggernaut that was an even worse choice to sleep with than Gambit.)

This page, which pisses me off beyond all words, perfectly illustrates exactly what is wrong with using the Sentry as part of the Marvel Universe proper. Rogue has apparently been fixed so that she can control her powers (good for her, but I'm not sure how long this will last), but she was originally a character built around an inability to experience physical intimacy. Her power means that she sucks the life out of anyone she touches, and it manifested when she got her first kiss. She has been a woman with a traumatic and miserable romantic life, and seemed to be consigned to the role of Marvel's Designated Perpetual Virgin. Because she's not celibate by choice, this has been a large source of angst, and is the driving source of tragedy for the character. It makes her romances tortured and fascinating. She was often put opposite energy fountain Gambit, because he might be able to generate enough to survive a kiss but she never wants to risk it. Sometimes she has been lucky enough to start seeing someone who can block her power, a force-field generator like Magneto or his clone Joseph, but even then it's never been made clear if they went anywhere.

The point is that since human contact was such a rare and idealized experience for Rogue, an event like the loss of her virginity is certifiably a Big Fucking Deal. It is a monumental experience for this character. It is her story more than anything else, because it is a moment that she has been denied all her life. It is a Rite of Passage that long boarded off to Rogue (with little detour signs leading to "Experience Prejudice", "Prove One's Valor in Combat", and "Absorb the Memories, Powers and Life Force of An Entire Other Person"), and she expresses the pain of that roadblock in every appearance. Breaking through that roadblock, whether it's through a temporary depowerment, or a forcefield, or a character powerful enough that she doesn't completely absorb him, is a major life experience for Rogue. It is something that should affect her for the rest of her appearances, making the event she can never experience now be something she misses and giving her a comforting memory when confronted by the cold reality that she can't even shake hands.

It is noteworthy enough that it deserves a three-issue mini-series with romance-novel style covers, a lush exotic locale, a tender build-up of affections and at the very least a soft silhouetted kiss then a fade to black. Then, most importantly, the fallout. The incredibly important reason why she did not stay with the person that could actually touch her every day for the rest of her life. Was it his choice or her choice? If it was his choice, how did she take it? If it was her choice, why? Because the reason for giving up the thing you want more than anything else in your life says a hell of a lot about what kind of person you are.

Even now that she can control her powers (again, not sure how long this will last before someone wants tragic Rogue back), the loss of her virginity is still an important event for her because physical intimacy is something that was denied to her so long. It is at the very LEAST something that needs to be covered in her own book and not any other character's. We're talking about the fulfillment of a lifelong dream of Rogue's here, something more special for her than the other character who might be involved for a laundry list of reasons.

But instead this event is implied not in any of Rogue's wistful memories, not in the most private thoughts that comfort her in her darkest moments, but in a half-page tribute to the Motherfucking Sentry.

A character that never thought twice about Rogue. A character who had a wife that he brought back to life after her death and kept prisoner in his tower because he couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting her. A character who had an affair with a princess on the moon because I suppose that wife wasn't enough for him. But it's in HIS story that we learn about Rogue's earliest tryst. And not even from her, we find out from freaking Cyclops talking to the Human Torch. We don't know what she loved about him, besides the fact that this was a man and she could hug him (and really for Rogue it's perfectly understandable if that's all there was). We don't know what he saw in her, if she was just there and vulnerable or if he'd been attracted to her for a long time before they found out she could touch him. We don't know why they didn't stay together. (Except, maybe for the wife--or was this before the wife?) We don't know anything about this story except she could hug him and she told Cyclops they were together, on the way to the funeral. She never thought once about him in her own book since this happened, but now that he's dead--possibly the only man she's ever slept with/after all that angsting about not being able to even hug or kiss another person--she feels really awful.

This is a pivotal point in Rogue's life, where she experiences what she has been denied since her powers manifested--manifested and destroyed innocent dreams of a lifetime of romance and human closeness that had been forming at that very moment--this is the fulfillment of a lifetime of fantasies... and this moment is reduced to a punchline in order to glorify the adventures of the fucking Sentry.

And that is the ultimate problem with the motherfucking Sentry being shoehorned into the Marvel Universe. He becomes the Sun around which the rest of the Marvel Universe revolves. Forget every niche occupied by the characters of Marvel, those aren't their stories. Those are just backstories so that we can read about how wonderful the Sentry is! The Marvel Universe goes from being about the characters we love, the ones we love to read about, and becomes All About Bob.

Did you know Angel was once afraid to fly? Amazing, a mutant with wings being afraid of that. Surely, that's something to have overcome during his training under Professor Xavier, and an experience he can perhaps now recount to help guide a younger mutant to accepting their powers, right? Nope, it's something the Sentry helped him through and is now a memory of how awesome Bob is. Why? Doesn't add anything to Angel, but it has to be there for Bob because he has to have taught the X-men something early on, or he wouldn't have been a notable hero in the Silver Age. Warren overcoming his fears? All About Bob.

Did you know that Reed Richards had a best friend outside the Fantastic Four? Someone close to him that wasn't Ben, Johnny, or Sue--his FAMILY members? Why, it was the Sentry. so fucking perfect that one of the most standoffish men in the world was open to him. All of this bonding, of course, happened off-panel during the most important moments of Reed's life. You know, the moments we read that didn't have the Sentry in them. The moments where we watched him fight his own preoccupation with science and exploration to learn to socialize and appreciate his own family. The hundreds of little teamups where Tony Stark and Hank Pym slowly developed enough of a friendship with Reed that he would collaborate with them on large projects rather than just continue working on his own in his own little cubby-hole like he was always inclined to do. Don't get me wrong, Reed's not an unfriendly man or an extremely shy person, I actually consider him one of the more compassionate characters I've read--but he is incredibly self-absorbed and work-absorbed. Even Sue and Ben can barely get him to come up for air, so if he has a friendship outside of his small, insular group--a friendship where he would actually consider someone other than Ben his best friend--then it's something that built up over time and is a very big thing in Reed's life. It is something we find out about in Reed's story, not in that other character's story. But nope. It's only in Sentry stories and Sentry flashbacks that it comes up. Why? Because it's nothing to do with Reed. Nothing gets added to Reed because he was friends with the Sentry, and the Sentry was there during those moments. It's to show that the Sentry was smart, so smart he was friends with the smartest man in the world. And to show that the Sentry was a great hero that everyone was comfortable with off-duty too. Reed's friendship? All About Bob.

Did you know that Crystal slept with the Sentry? This, I suppose fits a bit. She likes temperamental, impulsive men with light coloring it seems. Of course, she doesn't remember the affair. He does. Why? Because the Sentry was there in the Silver Age, and he had to have gone to the moon. And what could he have done on the moon? Why, he can sleep with Crystal, because she's just some dumb slut, right? Not because she married too young and let two guys push her into choosing one or the other. Not because of her own insecurities or desires. Nope, doesn't matter why Crystal did it, because that romance (unlike the ones with Johnny, Pietro, Ronan, and the couple guys she slept with while she was married to Pietro) had nothing to do with Crystal's situation or storyline. It was because sleeping with a moon princess is just something a Silver Age hero does. Crystal's love life? All About Bob.

And of course, there's Rogue. Poor Rogue, starved for the touch of another person. Rogue who it turns out had her first full sexual encounter with none other than the Sentry. What led to this? How did she react? How did the realtionship end? Was there even a relationship? Who cares?! It doesn't matter what Rogue's role in this was, only that there was a void in her life and the Sentry filled it. Why? Because Rogue losing her virginity isn't about Rogue, silly. It's about how wonderful the Sentry was and how much we miss him! It's just one more throwaway moment in a list of moments of how awesome the Sentry is, how he saved everyone's lives and helped everyone do everything, and was the Supermanlike inspiration they needed because Captain America somehow just didn't cut it. Not only that, he is so amazing that not only did he have a romance with the X-men's poor chaste belle (as much as waypost, apparently, as teaming up with Spider-man, befriending Mr. Fantastic, and sleeping with Crystal), but he actually fucked her which not even Gambit or Magneto can seem to pull off. He got the the prize, folks, and what is possibly the most desired experience in Rogue's life? You guessed it, All About Bob.

Now, if I'm right in being charitable and the whole point of this was that the writers and editors at Marvel original wanted to use a character who was actually a hero during the Silver Age and had the impact already, well good for them for not killin off an actual character. But dammit, there's a right and a wrong way to introduce a new character to the universe.

Strangely enough, the very writers who brought back the Sentry is the one who did it the right way. See Alias, the series that introduced Jessica "Jewel" Jones-Cage to Marvel readers a few years back. Jessica was a former superhero with a Silver Age era origin. She was a classmate of none other than Peter Parker, and had a little thing for him. She fantasized about the Human Torch before she got her powers. She had a bad run-in with a Daredevil villain that led to a single adventure with the Avengers and a lifelong friendship with Carol Danvers/Ms. Marvel. She knew Luke Cage, and eventually married him and had a child with him.

This was an incredibly subtle retcon, a million times more restrained than the Sentry. Jessica had a Silver Age tie to Spider-man, but he didn't know she was alive. (In New Avengers, when she brings it up, he vaguely remembers her as "coma-girl".) She never met the Human Torch or the Fantastic Four during her brief time as a hero. When the Avengers rescued her from the Purple Man and offered her a slot on the team, she turned them down and retired. The ones who remembered her remembered her as a hero who retired after some tragedy, but not as anyone who made a huge impact on their lives. Carol's friendship slips between the panels because Jessica was out of costume the whole time, and Carol was usually in a team book. It worked that she had a civilian friend off-panel we hadn't met. It worked that one of Peter's classmates became a superhero, then retired. It worked that Luke Cage had met her sometime in the interim and they dated. She didn't take over these characters pasts, and their important life moments didn't suddenly become background to Jessica's story. She slowly joined their lives, a little bit at a time, with small things in the past that we reasonably wouldn't have seen.

But they didn't go subtle with the Sentry. They went all out, and shoved him into every book possible. He had a tie to every character in the Marvel Universe that was presented to the readers as fully formed and functional, a tie we never got to see formed even though we'd been watching the rest of these characters grow into the people they are for years. We were just introduced to this guy, Bob. We were told he was a great hero everyone loved but tragically were forced to forget, and then we watched quickly lose his mind while everyone discussed what a great guy he was. There was no restraint. This was all-out assault strategy, where they shoved him everywhere and gave him every Silver Age experience we can come up with. It was like they brainstormed for a session or two and just ended up using it all so the heroes would love him.

Which of course is why so many readers hate him, and why so many of us would love to just forget him. This leads us to a problem with Rogue and Sentry. Chris asked me what was so bad about it, aside from the storytelling technique sucking, and I gave him a few paragraphs worth of ranting about it. His response? "Got it. Fans want to see Rogue lose it."

And here's the thing: He's absolutely right. Fans want to see Rogue lose it. We're rooting for Rogue romantically, for her to get what she really wants and to control her powers or at least find someone who isn't affected by them. We don't want her to wind up alone, and we want to be there with her when she attains some closeness with a human being. I'm not saying we want a XXX-rated X-men special showing every detail of her first night. But we want to at least see the guy, the attraction, the gentle connection forming, and the kiss before they cut to another scene. We don't want to find out that the entire relationship happened off-panel in a book about a character no one really likes but dammit, Marvel really wants us to accept as part of the world.

We want to be there for Reed's growth as a person, and watch him open his heart to his family and friends. We don't need to find out his best friend and confidante has been there all along, off-panel, in some character we never met and never bought as a character in the Fantastic Four.

And we really, really, don't need Crystal to be fucking guys that don't feed her storyline. Because much as I dislike Crystal, her romantic links are all she has in character history and they are her choices and about her life, and giving them to the Sentry is just plain shitty.

And most importantly of all? The Marvel Universe doesn't need a cheap Superman knockoff to inspire them. They have Captain America and the original Human Torch to inspire them. We don't need a guy who's better at that than them, is every male character's best friend and mentor, and who manages to fuck every desirable woman in the universe.

And as much as there are certain moments I want to read about involving these characters, I'd rather not read these moments using some new character that I already hate because for years he's been shoved into the backstory of all our old favorites no matter where he fits properly because they need his death to count for as much as possible. It's for the best that these moments be written using the relationships that have come about naturally in the character's own story paths through their own books and crossovers with supporting characters and guest stars that fit into that world without taking it over or overbearing the people who don't really care for them at first.

So for the love of all that's good and holy, let's close this as the last chapter on the Sentry, bring back the Scarlet Witch as a hero, and forget any of these important life events were ever connected--let alone attributed--to this incredibly uninteresting character.

Answers to the OYL Quiz

(If you don't want the story potentially spoiled, why are you looking here?)

The following questions are from Wizard #171. They have surfaced in at least one thread on every message board I've looked at today, so I figured I'd just answer them here instead of retype everything. I'm working on two assumptions: The Big Three will be effectively disappeared from the DCU for the entirety of the one-year gap; DC are going for the most surprising developments they can get away with.

--One of these characters will give birth in '06: Wonder Woman, Power Girl, Catwoman, or Oracle

Oracle is too easy, as she hasn't been physical for a long time, but given that she's getting her legs back, I don't see them hurting her body again so quickly with a pregnancy. We'd still end up spending a long time watching her recovery, which I believe Gail Simone wanted to skip over for the one-year-leap (Otherwise, why time it now?)

Power Girl has already had a child during a big event.

Catwoman is my runner-up, because the thing between her and Batman has been played up in the build-up here, and they did have a kid on Earth-2.

But I'm going to go with Wonder Woman here. Wishful thinking on my part, I admit, but come on -- Diana's got almost no love-life, Aphrodite's got to be getting irritated by now. This Goddess has turned young women into fruit trees for less, but she continues to favor Diana desptie her virginity? And Rucka's been playing up the motherly aspect of her personality whenever he can. It's a logical step. And it's a way to remove Wonder Woman from the regular DCU for a full year.

--One of these characters will be stripped of their powers: Superman, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Green Lantern/Hal Jordan


This plot point has been done to death with Jordan. And comparing his post-Parallax behavior to John's words and Kyle and Guy's actions, he's the least likely Lantern to get the pink slip right now.

I don't see a point with Supergirl.

Everyone on every message board seems to be saying Wonder Woman, because her powers are the easiest to lose as they depend on her patron's favor. But I don't buy it. Diana is Athena's main champion. Diana just got Athena the Throne of firkin' Olympus, and then topped it off with a trip to the Underworld to fetch her baby brother and quell a rebellion. This is all fresh goodness, so it would take a lot to annoy Athena that much. I can see it, though, for the right reason, which is why Diana's my second choice here. But I can only see one specific reason here:
Diana's actions in Sacrifice? No. I can totally see Athena getting behind Diana on those, being a war goddess and all.
Failing to defend Paradise Island? No. They were never mad at Diana when the Amazons got slaughtered before.
Diana getting knocked up? Not even this. Athena might be irked, but remember, Aphrodite and Demeter are also Diana's patrons -- and Athena's biggest supporters in her coup. Diplomatically, at least, Athena would have to let this one pass.
Diana getting knocked up by a guy in Athena's temple? This could do it.
Diana getting knocked up by Poseidon in Athena's temple? Bingo! But this slim possibility is the only one that would work.

So my money's on the Big S. It's the only concievable way to take Superman out for a whole year without killing Lois.

-- One of these characters will become the mayor of a crime-riddled city: Wally West, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Oliver Queen

Wally's a nobody since Hal mind-wiped the universe for him. He doesn't have the in-story name recognition to become politicians, at least, not in such big city. Plus, he's just too young.

Oliver Queen is highly political, but he's totally tactless. He would shoot his mouth off at the first press conference and totally alienate his target demographic.

Dick has the money, and he has joined the police force to root out corruption, so politics is a natural nexts step. I still see him as too young, though.

Bruce Wayne however, has the money, the backing, the influence, and the fake charm to make it happen. And it's not a natural move for him, under normal circumstances. But given his disillusionment with the hero community, the staggering odds he's been facing threatening to overwhelm him, the utter futility of his mission and the fact that it's falling to pieces -- well, a change of plan might be necessary. Why not take a page from Dick's book and join the system to cleanse it? Plus, it's a good way to remove Batman for a full year.

-- One of these characters will have amnesia and be unable to tell friend from foe: Martian Manhunter, Aquaman, Atom, Elongated Man

Wiping Atom or Elongated Man's memories would clear the slate for either character, but it would be just too sad after Identity Crisis.

This could be a hook for an Aquaman relaunch, but given the title of the new book (Sword of Atlantis), I don't see it as too likely.

Now, an amnesiac Martian Manhunter would make a lot of sense. It would explain the utter lack of a JLA relaunch (Doesn't work without a Martian!), and J'onn does have a history of memory problems.

-- One of these characters will take the mantle as the most powerful hero in the DCU: Booster Gold, Animal Man, Kyle Rayner, Earth-2 Superman

Mantle Schmantle! The most powerful hero in the DCU is obviously going to be Kyle Rayner. And not for the obvious reason.

Despite the name of his new book, I don't think Kyle will be fully Ionized and move laterally through time again. That would be too hard to write. But, Kyle is currently the most influential man in the Green Lantern Corps. Kyle is the beloved Torch-bearer, single-handedly responsible for the resurrection of the Oan race. The Oan race which is the collective boss of the Green Lantern Corps. When Kyle walked into the Citadel, and the Guardians immediately dropped everything to be in his presence and praised him. Every year, on Kyle's birthday, they decorate an everpurple tree and buy gifts for each other. Kyle is wonderful. Kyle is the best thing since sliced bread. They love Kyle. They want Kyle happy, they want Kyle safe, and, most of all, they want Kyle close to them.
OYL the Corps will be a staggering force that has swelled to 7200 intensively-trained uber-powerful supercops. They are all under the control of the Gaurdians, who love Kyle. Who want to keep Kyle happy, safe, and close to them. Even if Kyle does internalize his powers, he will still be the beloved Torch-bearer, savior of the Oan race. He will still secretly be referred to by most of them as "Uncle Kyle" when Ganthet is out of earshot. He will be the Most Powerful Hero in the DC Universe, because he will be the only one who can influence the Guardians.

If you doubt this, look at his recent actions: He disobeys his orders in Rann-Thanagar War by following a lead that would take him directly to the center of the war that he is expressly forbidden to involve himself in. Instead of getting the boot, he gets Kilowog sent to pick him up and gently guide him away from the danger. He's currently in the process, in Recharge, of breaking a millenia-old pact between the Guardians and the Psions, over a girl who left the Corps voluntarily before she got kidnapped. Now, when the old Green Man did this in Omega Men #29, he got booted from the Corps, and even cut off from using his power to save his own butt! If Guy had done this alone, I can see a similar result (especially since he got threated with Krona's punishment for breaking into the Citadel!). So, what's going to keep Kyle and Guy from getting the book thrown at them? Why, Kyle's presence, of course.

And the beauty of all of this is: Kyle is very last person in the DC Universe who would capitalize on this situation. Hell, he'll probably be the last person to realize he's getting special treatment! It'll all be subtle, little rules that they bend for him. He could be running the Universe, and he won't ever realize it.

Of course, if you want to get tricky (which Wizard and DC often are), if Kyle's only taking up the Ion name again, that is the mantle of the "Most Powerful Hero in the DCU" if not the actual power level.

I just hope this question doesn't mean we'll see Earth-2 Superman as the Spectre. That's a scary thought.

-- One of these characters will become a criminal: Hal Jordan, Superman, Flash, Captain Marvel

Hal Jordan's too obvious here. He's already played villain for too long to be a fugitive.

We'll sooner see Superman back in his grave than turning to crime.

The Flash would be interesting, to say the least, and I could see Wally or Bart end up in a situation that forced them on the wrong side of the law easily.

But I went with Captain Marvel because not only does this have an initial "Huh?" factor, but it makes perfect sense on examination -- Billy is actually a lot younger than everyone else, and is now without guidance after Day of Vengeance #6. His powers are magic-based, so I don't see how the Wisdom of Solomon is totally reliable right now. He's also been lagging in popularity, and such a stunt would raise interest, at least temporarily. I can see him being forced to the wrong side of the law even more easily than the Flash right now.

-- One of these characters will be the only one around after "Infinite Crisis": The Flash/Wally West, Superboy/Connor Kent, Green Lantern/Guy Gardner, Nightwing/Dick Grayson

This does not necessarily mean death. They are playing with us.

Wally West is probably going to retire with the kids.

Dick will evolve beyond Nightwing somehow.

I was originally going to go with Guy Gardner, but then I realized: The Solicits for the Teen Titans Annual are already out, and it's a post-Infinite Crisis love story with Wonder Girl and Superboy. This not only means that Cassie will survive (WHY?!), but Connor Kent will definately be around afterwards. Which means Guy might be the "heroic warrior" to sacrifice himself in the Rann-Thanagar War Infinite Crisis Special
At this point, he might have more of an effect than even Jade. But even so, it's possible that I'm wrong, and Guy will be around, but in a different form. Back to Warrior perhaps? Or maybe, just maybe, the solicits were lying to me and the love story is set before the end of Infinite Crisis. In which case, Guy is home free. I'll have my fingers crossed, but I know what to expect.

As I have said on other message boards, if Jade survives the Rann-Thanagar War Special but Guy Gardner or Captain Comet dies, I will personally vomit on Dave Gibbons' shoes at the very next convention I see him at.

-- One of these teams won't survive Infinite Crisis: JLA, JLA, JLA, JLA

Haven't the foggiest idea here.

-- One of these characters becomes the military's secret weapon: Cyborg, Wonder Woman, Red Tornado, Green Lantern/John Stewart

John is becoming rebellious again. I can't see him working for the military after what he said to Hal in Green Lantern #1 about his "Wake-up call." And given what happened to Kyle and his mother in Homecoming? after John defended "the Man" and got sent on a wild goose chase, it would bug me to see him become a "secret weapon."

Wonder Woman's views are too unconventional.

Red Tornado is an off-chance, but for some reason I really see Cyborg going military here. Not sure why.

-- One of these characters will destroy an entire country and kill millions: Braniac, Sinestro, Black Adam, Vandal Savage

Not Sinestro's style. Plus, this sort of thing is generally reserved for villains needing to prove themselves. Sinestro's coming off the biggest scheme of his career -- He actually took down Hal Jordan! He kept him down for a decade! And he would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling kid...

Wouldn't jive with Black Adam's normal actions. He does consider himself a moral man and would probabyl stop short of mass genocide.

Vandal Savage is off to a good start in his last appearance, going all Ra's Al Ghul on us -- but Brainiac's been awfully quiet during all of this. I can see Brainaic surprising every one with a sudden, huge, destructive action.

Jade is Wormfood.

As I wantonly traverse cyberspace in search of amusement, my thoughts turn more and more to DC Comics. And everywhere I roam, one question keeps coming up:

Who's next on the chopping block?

DC is doing a "Housecleaning." Geoff Johns is on a murder spree. Seriously, this crossover is a bigger bloodbath than Eclipso. Day of Vengeance #1 alone had a body count of over two hundred! Infinite Crisis #1 killed half of a superteam. Infinite Crisis #2 featured the death of an entire villain team. In February, we see 6 different covers featuring hero-hero battles (and 2 covers with a hero in the foreground and another in the background coming up behind them menacingly!). We are outright promised blood in Rann-Thanagar War: Infinite Crisis Special and Supergirl (and I had better get it!). Several prominent titles will not be on the shelves come March. There has never been a better time to kill a Superman! And you know not all of those people headed to the center of the universe with Donna Troy are not coming back.

Now, I'm not sure about the specifics above -- what's hype, what's panic, what's misdirection...etc... but I am sure of one thing:
Jennie-Lynn Hayden-Scott, formerly known as Green Lantern VI (or IV, depending upon who you count!), best known as Jade, is not coming out this one alive.

(Those of you unfamiliar with Jade should check here and here to learn about her history in a more objective manner)

Everyone knows there are risk factors that lead to a character's death. These have no realistic connotations. It's not like people in comic books would actually die as a result of their own actions! But, there are certain things that make comic book readers think "Expendable."

So, without further ado, here are Jade's Risk Factors:

1) Mythos Placement -- The only Green Lantern franchise hero not currently carrying the Green Lantern name.

2) Costume -- Does not wear a Green Lantern symbol. (Even Alan wears something close)

3) Power Level -- Is vastly less powerful than her father. Is considerably less powerful than a full-fledged Corpsman (or full-fledged female Corpsman like Brik -- Yes, I hate saying Corpswoman, Chairwoman, Congresswoman...etc... It's silly. we can say Mankind, can't we? And Human without saying Huwoman? Well, why can't I just be a repairman instead of a repairwoman? Save a syllable, please!)

4) Origin -- Try explaining her parentage: "Well, her father was the Golden Age Green Lantern, who is unconnected to the Corps, and her mother was a Flash Rogue with multiple personalities who fought the Golden Age Flash, but then reformed and fell in love with green Lantern, but then left him after their wedding night and bore him twins. She put them up for adoption, which is why Jennuie has a different last name than her father. Now, her brother..."

5) Infinity Inc -- The Infinity Inc characters are often screwed with: depowered, sent to prison, made into villains...etc..

6) Open Identity -- Secret Identities are becoming considerably important right now. It's possible that One Year Later there will be very few public identity heroes operaring on earth. Jade is a former supermodel and a public superhero. Even with a mass mindwipe, her skin color makes her very hard to hide. She's obviously not normal.

7) Gender -- Name aside, she is still a Female Lantern. Of the female Green Lantern we've met: Katma Tui and Arisia are dead, Boodika and Laira are currently held captive, Boodika lost her hand, Adara committed suicide, Brik and Amanita spent a good deal of time in slavery, and Soranik Natu was captured by the villains in the first issue she appeared in.

8) High Risk Love Interest -- Romantically linked to a male Earth Green Lantern.
Green Lantern lovers rundown: Alex DeWitt (deceased), Donna Troy (depowered, deceased, recently resurrected as a Harbinger-like character, which means instant obscurity once this is all over), Torah Olafsdotter (deceased), Katma Tui (deceased), Arisia (deceased), Carol Ferris (brain regularly taken over by space aliens)

9) High Risk Personal Connection -- She has slept with Kyle Rayner. The Kiss of Kyle Rayner is the Kiss of Death. But this goes beyond romance.
Kyle Rayner personal contacts rundown: Alex DeWitt, Donna Troy (who also had been broken up Kyle for a year or so before she died!), and Adara (a one-night stand!) have all pushed up daisies at some point. (But, hey, at least Kyle still talks to them from time to time!) Ganthet (home planet destroyed within a week of meeting the boy), Alan Scott (strongest will in Earth history, taken over by the Starheart, taken over by Brainwave Jr), Guy Gardner (went without problems for a while but eventually lost his business in Rebirth), John Stewart (lost the use of his legs twice!), Terry Berg (beaten to the edge of death), Kyle's mother (Home destroyed, Son broke all contacts -- but she's still alive). Kyle's father (went into hiding from the government shortly after the boy was born!) This poor guy is cursed! I'd like to comfort Kyle during his times of personal loss, but I can't afford the insurance payments. Putting your arm around his shoulders costs you more than racing NASCAR.

10) Unvirtuous Woman -- While Kyle was in space, risking life, limb, and soul in an attempt to make the universe a safer place, she found another guy. She then slept with this other guy, without even sending Kyle so much as a "Dear John" note. That's not cool, folks. It was totally within her power to send word to Kyle to "Call now, or don't come back at all," via John Stewart. The "He never called" excuse doesn't work, because she could have at least sent word rather than let him come home to such a bad surprise!

11) Skill Level -- She is generally portrayed as a mediocre Lesser Lantern. True, some writers give her decent moments, but she plays Damsel in Distress far too often for a woman who was born with even watered-down Lantern powers, and has been in "the business" this long.
The first run I saw her in, she got her butt kicked by Fatality and had to be saved by still-rookie Kyle. My sister and I dropped the book, because it seemed truly ridiculous that a woman who'd had powers all her life would need saving from a guy who'd only had powers a few months. But, this has been the skill level she is commonly shown at.
In Outsiders, she has been present every time a team member gets hurt. Usually, when you have a Lantern, you're safe. They are major powers who should be able to protect their buddies. Apparently, Jade can't.
She has no feats under her belt, and even John Stewart, the most ignored Green Lantern of all, has a few feats. Hell, even Guy Gardner's girlfriend Ice was able to use the ring in a totally unexpected manner, and heal another person! I mean, it's one thing to see Hal or Kyle on a bad day get their butts handed to them, because you know if the moon is going to shatter and fall into the planet they can stop it (with a little help from Wonder Woman), but you have your doubts when it comes to Jade. She really doesn't really have anything. And with her powers, that's ridiculous. It's like they came so naturally she felt no need to work on them or push herself, and so comes up short behind the boys. A poor showing, especially for the only female Lantern we've seen in the last decade. Thankfully, Brik is back (She's got that sweet-natured, but still strong thing that Ice had going on), and Soranik Natu seems promising.

12) Redemption -- She's been mopey and cranky in most appearances. In Return of Donna Troy, she obsessed over Kyle as soon as she realized he might be nearby (nearby being, within a couple of light years). Showing regret for her treatment of him? Laying the groundwork for a heroic sacrifice saving her ex-boyfriend's life?

13) Impact (Characters) -- Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the dreaded Refrigerator rule. Who's death will spread more angst among the surviving characters? Captain Comet, or Jade? Hawkman (who dies as a hobby), or Jade? Despite being thoroughly unlikeable in recent appearances, Jade still has a lot of strong bonds to exploit.
Kyle, despite her actions, still loves her enough to care about her feelings, and leave her his apartment. Her death, especially during a battle he is at, would serve to screw him up even more!
Her brother, Todd Rice, Obsidian, is fanatically devoted to her (He met her in Infinity Inc long before her current characterization), and is at the hero/villain crossroads. Her death could inspire him to become a hero again, or drive him back to madness.
Her father, Alan Scott, feels he is a worthless father. Imagine if his daughter dies in front of him.
She is the team-leader of the Outsiders, and no doubt her dying would affect the Outsider/Titans characters.
Donna Troy would feel tremendous guilt about bringing a rival out there to die.
The newer members of the Green Lantern Corps would find it extremely sobering to see a person with similar powers die horribly in front of them.
And, of course, her break-up with Kyle is what divides him and his former mentor, Alan Scott. Blame for her death could cause a greater split (if she died because of a percieved mistake) or the shared grief of her loss would forge their bond even stronger than before.

14) Impact (Fans) -- She is someone that writers feel safe screwing with. This is what changed her image from that of a promising addition to the Green Lantern mythos, to the lady described here and here. Aside from old Infinity Inc fans (Fear of who's wrath didn't keep Obsidian, Nuklon, Fury, Hector Hall, Northwind..etc... from being screwed with constantly), she won't likely be missed. But, since not that many people remember Infinity Inc, she tends to be reguarded at best as eye-candy/romance fodder and at worst as a selfish slut.

Fourteen Risk Factors. Her number's up. Another Guinevere bites the dust.

Let the celebration commence!

DC Comics Wishlist

Things I'd like to see in the DCU (But probably won't):

Wonder Woman
-- Diana, having gotten Athena's throne for her, is officially released from her mission. She steps down as Themiscyran Ambassador. She takes a roadtrip to find herself, and realizes that she was happiest when she was a newcomer to Patriarch's World because her heart is in seeing and learning about new things. She dons her Wonder Woman costume again, and throws herself into exploration. The series is no longer limited to the embassy, but spans the entire Earth, all ancient legend, outer space, and other dimensions as well.

-- Celtic legends finally make it to Wonder Woman. First up, Diana fights Scathach.

-- Hippolyta returns to life, and is appointed High Priestess of Athena on Themiscyra, which frees her to come to Patriarch's World and beat up Evil because Athena is a war goddess, and that would be a form of worship.

-- Hermes returns as a regular supporting cast member, when he learns to tap "indirect worship." He promptly modernizes, and returns to his traditional position as the God of Commerce, Communication, and Travel. He sets up shop in the largest available temple to all three on Earth -- The New York Stock Exchange. He has a little booth like Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche had in Trading Places. Aphrodite visits him often, and they close the curtains on the booths. When this occurs, every single person in the building exits with more money than they had when they came in -- even the janitor. On the other hand, when Hermes heard that his own brother was shacking up with Circe, stocks plummeted so fast the Flash appeared to be standing still.

-- We see scenes set in Hermes' quarters on Olympus. There is a poker game perpetually taking place there -- played by his mother Maia, and his four daughters: Peitho (Goddess of Seduction, in a little red dress), Tyche (blind Goddess of Chance, dressed as a casino blackjack dealer), Eunomia (Goddess of Lawfulness, dressed in an old-fashioned tweed ladies' suit), and Angelina (A Messenger Goddess, dressed in UPS brown). No matter what occurs in the foreground, the poke game always continues. If a fight overturns the table, the ladies pick up their cards and continue playing on the other side of the room.
These Goddesses have been playing poker for at least three years, and are still on their first hand.

-- Ares kicks Circe out on her leather-clad butt. (Wait, this one will probably happen)

-- Persephone protests day and night at Olympus until her husband Hades is brought back to life. Athena grants her wish, not because of her persistance, but because Athena realizes what a monumentally stupid thing it is to have Ares and Circe running a prison full of her worst enemies.

--The Themiscyran Goddess Tyche (Hermes' daughter, the chick with the giant Wheel) publicly establishes a temple in Las Vegas. A worried Wonder Woman goes to reason with her, realizes absolutely nothing has changed in Las Vegas with the goddess of gambling physically present, and leaves her alone.

--Donna Troy makes exactly as many appearances in the next twenty years as Harbinger made in the last twenty. (We may occasionally see her show up on Oa to bang Kyle when she gets especially lonely, but she always sneaks out before he wakes up and never leaves a note!)

-- Wonder Girl (Cassandra Sandsmark) manages to make even fewer appearances.

Green Lantern:
-- This book ships monthly (I kid because I love)

-- More Gremliny goodness!

-- Jade is possessed by a Zamoran warrior's essence, and as a result becomes a competent hero.

-- Ice returns to life, marries Guy Gardner, and moves to Oa to man the Dispatch board for the GLC while she pumps out little Vuldarian/Frost Diety/Human mix children. ("Look at all our little mutant babies!")

-- Hal Jordan uses his head more often. (So I like this picture, so what?)

--Vril Dox II branches out from "protection" to "art dealing" when they start forging Kyle Rayner's signature on various Earth-style drawing, and selling them at outrageous prices. Apparently, Kyle's artwork has major religious significance on Oa, Zamora, and some backwoods little world called Mogo. Most Green Lanterns consider it lucky to carry at least one piece of paper that Kyle has drawn on or signed. It's also popular among Korugarian teenagers trying to freak out their parents.

Starman:
-- In Opal City, the Shade and Commissioner O'Dare argue about the lack of heroes to protect the city, and in particular, the lack of action on the Shade's part to correct this problem. Just as the phrase "Heroes don't exactly fall from the heavens, Clarence" is heard, a rift in the space-time continuum appears exactly four feet above their heads. Starboy, of the Legion of Superheroes (Any version, though the post-Zero-Hour would be easiest since he's currently lost in time) falls out of it, and lands at their feet.
He immediately throws up on the Shade's $200 wingtips.
Guess how Shade makes him pay for the damages.

-- Shining Knight (from Morrison's Seven Soldiers reboot) sets up shop in Opal City shortly afterwords. With that one new resident, Opal City officially passes Keystone as having the largest time-displaced population in the DCU.

-- At a press conference, the Shade gets irritated by an inquisitive reporter. He opens a dark portal below the reporter and her cameraman with his shadow powers. They fall through.
At the home of Jay Garrick, Golden Age Flash, the old hero walks out in his bathrobe to get his morning paper. A dark portal opens above him, and reporter and cameraman land at his feet.

-- The Shade, personally reviewing his accounts for the first time decades, manages to figure out exactly how much money he is owed for years of Injustice Society work. Calculator in hand, he sets out to extract payment from his old boss, the Wizard. He finds the Wizard, and the modern Injustice Society, in the middle of a fight with the JSA. Hilarity ensues.

Sweet Gods, I'm actually going to buy Wizard again!

Well, DC Comics tried very very hard to keep it under wraps, but someone leaked the February solicits two days early. (Spoilers ahead)
Now, for those of you who are behind the rest of the class, the 2006 February DC Comics Solicits are important because they are the last issues before the entire product line leaps forward for one year, with the exception, of course, of Infinite Crisis, because they are cocky enough to show us the results of the end of that storyline before actually showing us the end of that storyline.

They took it down but it was too late! Several specimens from the Online Message Board Sub-culture seized onto the news. And there was copying, and pasting, and oh yes, Panicking.

Much Panicking.

Because what should have said "Final Issue" (I'm looking in your direction, Supergirl) did not (Which doesn't necessarily mean that it's not ending, we'll see when the March solicits come out for sure). And two books that should certainly not have said "Final Issue" did.

And for the first time since I started reading comics, I will not be reading The Flash.

Because it's not even offered.

And those sneaky butts didn't even say "Final Issue" for January's solicits!

No, the title "Finish Line" didn't imply anything! How many times have those Rotten Bastiches promised us Superman would die! Or that This would be the End of Superman!

And how many times have they followed through?

Three!

Three Lousy Times! In over 60 years of publishing!

So naturally, when I see "The End" or "Dies" or "Finished" I tend not to believe it unless it actually contains the words "Final Issue."

They're just trying to scare us, that's all. They are just trying to scare us.

Wally will survive. Wally will most definitely survive. Killing another Flash is just way too obvious.

They can relaunch the series without replacing Wally.

Yes, they can.

And hey, they can replace Wally without killing him!

Yes, they can. They did it with Starman!

And Green Lantern!

Hell, they did it twice with Green Lantern!

Oh, wait...

Anyway, I'm not even mildly afraid for Wonder Woman. The entire DC Editorial staff doesn't have the collective cajones needed to off a character that big.

Well, Grant Morrison probably does. But they have him distracted with Seven Soldiers right now.

However, this and other news will be forcing me to pick up Wizard #171 while I am on vacation. In November. In the Land of Snow and Mountains. Visiting a place that is 30 minutes from the nearest comic book store in the Summer.

Yes, I am going to drive 30 minutes (realistically, though, it will be an hour for snow) to the middle of a city that hasn't seen progress since the Coal-Mining Era, from the middle of a valley that believes the Earth is Flat and there is a straight drop to Oblivion beyond the Pocono Mountain Ridge that surrounds them, to spend six entire dollars on a magazine, which will probably feature at least six pages on two-dimensional breasts.

But it will have a confirmed cancellation list from DC Comics.

The official announcement of the new Green Lantern artist (and perhaps some preview pages!)

And of course, the announcement of Ron Marz's new DC project. Now, nearly everyone knows I'm not much of a Ron Marz fan (No offense to the man, I've seen his posts online and he is the very personification of class -- and I hear he sings well too!) -- his writing has skill, but it's not really my cup of tea. But, hearing this announcement should lay to rest a rumor that plagues my thoughts.

Well, actually, several rumors which plague my thoughts:
1) That there will be an "Ion" series launched in March
2) That Kyle Rayner will be getting his own on-going series again
3) That Kyle will be internalizing his powers during Infinite Crisis and leaving the Green Lantern Corps
4) That Kyle will be fed up with the Guardians and leaving the Green Lantern Corps that he worked his ass off to restart
5) That Kyle will be taking the name "Ion" again, and possibly the powers
6) That Ron Marz will be writing for DC "a title that has never been seen before, starring a character that has"
7) That Ron Marz will be writing Kyle Rayner as Ion
8) That Kyle Rayner will be dying.

On the bright side, though, if this is true: It means Kyle lives. And, as I think Kyle Rayner was the best thing to ever come out of Ron Marz's head, I'll at least be buying the first storyline, to see if I like what's going on.

But, I hope Marz is playing with a different hero (or heroine -- Hey, maybe we'll get to see a male love interest die gruesomely! No, that wasn't a cheap shot. His record and his thoughts on killing off supporting characters is well-documented! I just think he should get a fair shake and a chance to stuff a man in a fridge to prove he's not a misogynist, okay? Okay, I just wanna see a male supporting character stuffed into an appliance to even the score. But Ron Marz is the man to do it!). Because I like how Gibbons and Johns are writing Kyle right now, and I want to see where they take him.

I'll find out a week from Wednesday.

Meanwhile, Midtown Comics has Green Lantern #5 on it's confirmed shipping list. Maybe we can finally see what Hal Jordan's been up to. And it should put to rest another rumor that has been plaguing the DC Comics Message boards this week.

On the Eve of the Metaplot

My hopes and predictions for during/after Infinite Crisis:

-- Taking Supergirl into outer space is a bad idea. Supergirl is evil.

-- Taking Alan Scott into outer space is a bad idea. Alan's source of energy is the same kind of magic used by all of the Guardians of the Universe's old magic enemies. Alan inadvertantly frees all of these old magic enemies, such as the Empire of Tears, from eons-long imprisionment, allowing fans to finally see modern stories about these guys and not just tantalizing references in old GLC Quarterlies.

-- Putting Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner in command positions turns out to be a good idea.

-- Sardath's way of defeating Onimar Synn was a bad idea. Onimar Synn returns -- Seven Times as Big, Seven times as Yellow!

-- Power Girl becomes something very similar to Donna Troy.

-- Superman is holding Despero's consciousness.

-- There is also a crazy, evil, or both, Pre-Crisis version of Superman running amok.

-- The White Martians return, and become roving space villains. There will be many laughs from novice Green Lantern encounters with them "Telepathic shapeshifters with heat vision!? What whacked-out deity thought of that!?"

-- Johnny Sorrow returns.

-- Dark Seid will not return until after the OYG (One-year Gap).

-- Brainiac returns.

-- The Joker returns, in a very, very bad way at a very, very, bad time. Think No Man's Land bad.

-- Villains you didn't realize were gone return.

-- Villains you didn't realize existed return.

-- Heroes you didn't realize existed die. And for some unknown reason, you care!

-- Airwave, Larry Jordan, dies heroically, giving angst to cousin Hal.

-- Martian Manhunter dies.
- Without his emotional guidance, the next version of the JLA doesn't take, and the book is cancelled.

-- Captain Comet doesn't die, and becomes a recurring guest star in Green Lantern Corps.

-- None of the Earth Green Lanterns die, but scores of nameless alien Lanterns do.

-- Jay Garrick does not die.

-- Donna Troy does not die, but is never used as a love-interest again.

-- Pariah finally dies. And there will be much rejoicing.

-- Hawkman neither dies nor bathes.

-- Wally West does not die, but retires (maybe even conveniently loses his powers) to spend more time with the kids.

-- Either Connor Hawke (Green Arrow II) or Roy Harper (Arsenal) dies. I hope it is Arsenal.

-- Kyle Rayner does not die, remains active, but is unable to comfortably return to the metropolitan, or even global scale of heroics after becoming so used to the universal scale of policing.

-- Bart Allen becomes the new Flash.

-- Barry Allen shows up through time-travel, and nearly gets killed before (but also after) his appointed time to be killed.

-- Todd Rice (Obsidian, son of Alan Scott the Golden Age Green Lantern) gets his powers back, much to his father's annoyance.

-- Wally West and Kyle Rayner work together for one last time.

-- Colu (Homeworld of the Brainiac bloodline) suffers a major population loss. The disaster that occurs here is blamed on Donna Troy, but actually perpetrated by Supergirl. The damage could be a lot worse, but Kyle Rayner and a new Green Lantern from Colu manage to contain it.

-- Kyle Rayner deliberately performs an act of mass destruction, again, and is rewarded by the Guardians of the Universe for it.

-- Guy Gardner gets to hurt a lot of bad guys. There will be much rejoicing.


-- Vril Dox II, Brainiac II, will be technically counted among Kyle's Rogue's Gallery, but never become an actual supervillain.

-- The Spectre's new host is not Jim Corrigan, but somebody else.

-- Sasha Bordeaux becomes the only OMAC. She is never used by anyone but Rucka.

-- We see a new Atom-style shrinking hero, that goes by the name "Ion"

-- The new Blue Beetle is Hispanic, and never before seen.

-- Lex Luthor is not only thwarted, but forced to help the heroes again.

-- Star Sapphie dies, and we see a new Star Sapphire.

-- Black Adam turns on the Secret Society of Supervillains.

-- Dr. Psycho is thrown out of the Secret Society of Supervillains. This is actually pretty impressive.

-- Nevertheless, the Secret Society of Supervillains remains intact, with a slightly altered roster.

-- Brother I is defeated by an all-female team led by Wonder Woman, and including Fire and Sasha Bordeaux

-- Every member of the Justice League who was punked by Deathstroke (and they ALL got punked) in Identity Crisis gets to lay a smackdown on him. The damage dealt, and the speed in which it is dealt would ideally be proportional to how badly the Leaguer was punked. Meaning Slade walks away without so much as a concussion from a fight with Green Arrow that last two issues, but is nearly killed (and left in traction for the entire one year break) by Kyle Rayner in just two panels.

-- All of the Big 3 are MIA during the OYG:
- Wonder Woman does not die, but is tapped to mediate peace talks between Rann and Thanagar. She goes into space for a year.
- Superman goes into forced exile in a) the Fortress of Solitude, b) the center of the Sun, or c) the Phantom Zone
- Batman leaves Gotham top find himself. He tours the world, again, as Bruce Wayne.

-- John Stewart is one of the featured characters in 52.

-- John Stewart is absent from the Green Lantern ongoing due to his having inexplicably disappeared during the OYG (This will be explained in 52). Kyle Rayner, as one of the GLC troubleshooters, ends up staying on Earth for an extended period of time to help find him. This is why we've only heard of Guy Gardner as the star of the GLC ongoing, because Kyle is getting partnered with Hal for the next year.
- A year passes, and Hal Jordan still hasn't told his brother about what happened with Parallax. He is still reckless, repressed and in denial after the OYG. He is also still abnormally (for a Green Lantern) susceptible to mind control.
- Hector Hammond reaches in Kyle's brain and is unable to control him, but still manages to kick a few walls down.
- Geoff Johns and Dave Gibbons settle Mama Rayner's fate once and for all, because Johns can not bear to see loose plot threads. It will be very unpleasant.

---

Now for the good news -- An explanation for "Great Guardians!" that is funny, and affords Kyle a chance to flex his creative muscle. I just hope he writers this explanation into Recharge. It would be funny.