Monday, December 05, 2005

Candidate Embarks Upon 2008 Campaign Trail

Not to be outdone by Lex Luthor, General Zod has announced his candidacy for the 2008 Presidential elections. This announcement, though early, came at a calculated time, as Kryptonians are proving to be the fastest growing minority in the United States. A recent poll by Gallup reveals a four hundred percent increase in the Kryptonian population since 1990. When asked about the constitutional rule that only native-born citizens could assume the office of the presidency, General Zod had this to say:

"Silence, you pathetic weakling. The United States was the first country on this planet that I set foot on, which is good enough for your meaningless document. Any judicial officials who dare to disagree will be dealt with accordingly."

So far, General Zod is the only candidate to officially throw his hat in the ring this early. Former President Lex Luthor held a press conference on Thurday morning announcign his intentions to run again, despite his public falling out with Superman. Luthor withdrew from the race that very same afternoon, stating that his commitment to the murder of Superman is far too time-consuming at this point.

Darth Vader was unavailable for comment, but maintains a strong enough following to take him past the primaries, if not to the Oval Office itself.

Finally, the increase in nightmares experienced by sensitive psychics indicate Cthulu as a possible candidate again. Chthulu reputedly blames his previous running mates, Nyarlathothep and Johnny Sorrow, for his past failures. Political Analysts expect him to pick the Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Young for a running mate, in order to increase his approval rating among women and parents.


  1. Ah... You continue to brighten my dreary winter days with generous doses of comic-based wit and insight.

  2. Johnny Sorrow is far and away the most acceptable running-mate for a Great Old One. The ladies were all a-flutter for him, before the dark times.
    Before the Talkies.

  3. It's times like this I regret being Canadian. Why can't *we* have a Kryptonian overlord? Phooey.

  4. martin -- I'm fond of him, too. I think that scandal with Lavinia Whately and Cthulu's campaign manager hurt much more than Johnny Sorrow.

    Ian -- Don't worry, I'm sure he'll want to expand north first thing to wipe out that pesky Fortress of Solitude.

    melchior -- I know it's early for these jokes, but that site's been up a while.

    Spencer -- The Ripper ran too? Wow, I didn't even see his name.

  5. Though my "Um" sounded like I was dubious, I actually meant "yummmm," since HJ Simpson is my candidate:

  6. I just remembered I emailed that site months ago asking how Zod was planning on ducking that rule that says only people born in the US could run for President. Krypton's one Hell of a long way outside our borders. Though, I suppose a convincing argument could be made that there's so much freaking Kryptonite here now that it counts as an almost state, like Delaware or Rhode Island.

    They never answered on the site, I guess.