Sunday, October 09, 2005

Green Lantern Fun


FROM: Green Lantern Salakk, Green Lantern Corps Administrative Liason

SUBJECT: Letter of Reprimand for Needlessly Destructive Tactics

1. On 26 September, 2005, you awakened a planetary-class entity from its hibernation inside of Talok IX, and indirectly destroyed the planet. While there were no direct deaths from the disaster, there have been serious effects on the Talok system. The rubble severed Talok VII from its inter-stellar trade routes, posing a serious threat to its economy. The primitive people of Talok V retreated to their caves when debris reached their planet. They have revived their darkness-worshipping religion. Both civilizations have culturally regressed by several decades.

2. You have been counseled that your actions have fallen short of the standards set by GLCI 37-6001 Dormant Cosmic Entities, GLCI 21-703 Necessary Force and GLCO 61-35 Pre-Mission Checklist. GLCI 37-6001 clearly states that “planetary-class entities hibernating in the cores of gas giants must not be disturbed under any circumstances.” GLCO 61-35 specifically instructs Lanterns to research the Central Threats Database before embarking on any mission.

3. You have displayed destructive behavior twice prior to this. You intentionally demolished both Oa and Solaris the Tyrant Sun. I have documented both occasions. If this trend continues, I will request disciplinary action under GLCJC Article 31 Reckless Disregard for Sentient Life, with the punishment outlined in Article 37 Incorporeal Imprisonment.

4. You have up to 3 duty days to reply to this Letter of Reprimand, but you will annotate with your signature that you have received it. I can be contacted at Extension 0001-7. Despite the above problems, your unorthodox method of problem-solving and unpredictable combat style make you a fine Green Lantern. You possess remarkable potential, if you can just get past this unfortunate habit of destroying celestial bodies.

Salakk of Slyggia, GrLn, GLC
Administrative Liason, Keeper of the Book of Oa

Note: The above incident was entirely fabricated by me, and hasn't happened in any comic book I've read. Of course, given Kyle's record it's only a matter of time before we see something similar.

There you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen (and Kim): What I've been working on for so many weeks! Well, there's been a lot more paperwork (letters of recommendation, performance report bullets *shudder* and speeches), but this was the most enjoyable assignment yet.

Yes, this was an actual assignment from my comm-skills class at leadership school. We're studying documentation of disciplinary measures. He asked everyone in the room to name a fictional character, then assigned a paper for each. If I'd only had to do a Letter of Counseling, I would've done destroying Oa, but a reprimand is a pretty serious thing. I hope I made destroying a planet sound as bad as being late for work.

The poor guy next to me had to write a Letter of Counseling for Superman. That had to be hard, I mean, mind control aside, what has Superman ever done to deserve disciplinary measures? My choice was far easier to work with, and it's a good thing I'm obsessed with Green Lantern right now rather than Wonder Woman. I find it tough to reprimand Diana for killing a guy who so obviously had it coming ("You look good on your knees, princess." What a sleaze! He would have been dead right there if it had been Hippolyta!). As it was, it worked out nicely, and I could have used any of the Lanterns.


  1. That was ABSOLUTELY awesome and you should reference any awesome posts of this sort in your LiveJournal so even if I'm being a lazy internet slave I'll see them. Hee hee.

    Oh, and Ed and Andrew hadn't figured out who you were on LiveJournal but they know now.

  2. Do you have any thoughts about the idea of a Green Lantern Movie?Post them on the Katma Tui Fanpage at the reason one was never made was,they never found the right battery possessor,or maybe they neglected to put Korugar's Finest into the script-what do you think?What would you like to see in a GL movie?