Really?

I'm not against hooking up at cons, and certainly some of the advice in this article is warranted. Still, I had to stop and read #9 on this list twice before I believed it.

9) Stalk the Smaller Panels

If you want the chance to talk to a member of the opposite sex, sitting in Hall H all day isn't going to help you (although standing in line for it gives you plenty of opportunity to start conversation). Go over the panel schedule again and look for something that interests you that involves few or no celebrities. Something that promotes discussion is a plus. You'll likely be able to get a good look around a room like that and if someone strikes your fancy, wait until the panel is over and ask them what they thought of the topic. Might I suggest the "Geek Girls Exist" or "Where Are the Action Chicks?" panels? I'm slightly biased seeing as how I'm on both, but they really are a good start.

Ignore the unfortunate choice of words in the header and check out the last two sentences.

Might I suggest the "Geek Girls Exist" or "Where Are the Action Chicks?" panels? I'm slightly biased seeing as how I'm on both, but they really are a good start.

Please, please tell me this is not suggesting that straight men attend the panels on lack of female visibility in genre fiction and in fandom in order to pick up chicks.

Please, please, please tell me that this is not suggesting women attend the panels on the lack of female visibility in genre fiction and in fandom to get picked up.

I know, I know... that was a plug for the writer's panel. But you know what? If she's on those panels she should know what she just implied and why it isn't funny in the least.

I mean, seriously. Do I even have to go into what's wrong with that? Do I even have to go into that a good half of the problem of being a girl in a geek-space is that a number of men look at you as someone they can fuck without having to fake "normal"? That not a year goes by without a horrifying story of sexual harassment at a comic convention? That geek women considered unattractive are often disregarded completely because their sex appeal is more important to their male counterparts than what they can add to the conversation? That women in genre fiction are disproportionately sex objects and limited as a result? That women are considered someone the audience needs to "want" rather than "Want to be" and that that is why there are so few high profile genre heroines?

Do I have to say that suggesting the place where you discuss these problems is a great place to troll for a fuck severely undermines the discussion?

Really? After all this time do I still have to go into that? To someone considered knowledgable enough to be on panels about female visibility? Jeez.

You know what? Go to conventions. Have fun. Get laid if you can. Take care of your hygiene. Go to the stuff that interests you, and strike up conversations with anyone you can. Be honest, don't take things personally. Remember a lot of people are not there for sex, so a rejection is not really about you. It's about the situation and tastes of the person who is doing the turning down. If you should happen to meet someone who wants the same thing, at the right time, then practice safe sex and don't feel bad about it.

But above all else, you must remember one thing: Treat people like people. Men are human beings. Women are human beings. They are people. Not things. Not notches in the headboard. Not decorations for your amusement. Not toys for your pleasure. People.

There's nothing wrong with wanting or looking to have sex, but I'm not giving that advice because it will get you sex. Honestly, if you follow my advice in order to obtain sex you are an unequivocally terrible person. You should treat people properly simply because they are human beings and that is the only way to be a decent human being yourself.

Clear Communication

UPDATE 10 Dec 09: For some reason most of those twitterlinks in the first update have been deleted, and since I wasn't screencapping apologies the best I got was my screengrab of Larry's entire twitter feed from when it was public. You can easily figure out what I meant to link there in the image.

UPDATE 9 Dec 09: For fairness, Larry himself has presented a counter to my opinion in the comments--Comment One and Comment Two--and an apology on Twitter. (After a few tries and before a few other statements) My own personal interaction with the man hasn't changed my opinion, but you may think twice about agreeing me after you've read his own words. Mr. Johnston is also in the comments contesting my personal opinion of him, most of the thread is directed towards that so I don't need to link any specific comment.

Original Entry:
The ever-tasteful Rich Johnston chose to begin his scumsheet (I wouldn't click that link at work) with an image of hands wearing all 8 of the Blackest Night promotional rings holding a set of bare breasts. The image was apparently sent out by known idiot (don't call him a Neanderthal, because that shames an innocent species) Larry of Larry's Comics.

On the message boards, someone expresses embarrassment, sparking this defense from Larry himself:

Interwebs are the best,
somebodys wrong on em, you can snipe away.

Ran a fun promo in the shop. Got some creative pics. Figured this one was Rich's speed.

I know its sophmoric, and the problem with the industry today.
I know its insulting to women in some way, and the reason they are not flocking to comic shops.
I know, I'm the shop owner that hurts the industry. Whatever..

Customers got a kick out of the promo, got creative and had fun. I sold a shitload of product. That's all I really give a rats ass about.

Always Classy...you anonymous fuck!

At least he's not wondering why there aren't any women in his sad little shop.

I just can't believe that a man like Larry only cares about making money, because if he truly believed that sexualized material was the easiest route to a quick buck he could just run a straight-up porn shop. But no, he clings to comics. Like most retailers, he wants to share his childhood joys with others. His approach and rejection of any thought towards women says that unlike most sensible retailers, he only wants to share his childhood joys with like-minded bottom feeders. He just wants to sell to boys, and maybe the sort of women who capitulate to the whims of little boys. Men like this are actively investing in making their own little "No Girls Allowed" spaces with their childhood toys. This isn't even just a guy who didn't stop to think before he crossed a line. This is a boy drawing a line in the sand and trying to disgust the girls.

The rest of the forumdwellers at the link can fawn over him all they like, and say that anyone offended is simply jealous or oversensitive or just an internet griper, but here's the thing: we have a retailer who knows that what he's communicating may turn off potential customers. There's no misunderstanding, he made a judgment about who he would rather take money from. This man has outright decided that he doesn't value any customer who might be interested in the material but could be offended by sexist antics that have nothing to do with it. He only wants to sell to his crowd. He's sending a very clear message, and being offended simply means it was received.

Fuck you too, Larry.

Hypothetically Speaking

You're watching a television show and it has a "To be continued..." ending. When showing the scenes to advertise the next part the announcer says:

Ben Cassidy is the greatest drag racer in all of Kunda County, but even he couldn't make it through Dead Man's Run without crashing. What chance does his cousin Will have now that he's been forced to make that run?

Now, being a rational, thinking human being with brain -- what do you think that means?

It usually means Will is going to get through Dead Man's Run in one piece, and get a slap on the back from cousin Ben. Sure, there's a slim chance that the plot will be that Ben shows up and pulls Will out of the burning wreckage. I figure in that case the advertisement would focus a bit more on Ben at the end, but there's a slim chance. More often than not, Will is going to come through in the end here. The trick is to make the predictable outcome exciting to watch unfold.

See, the reason they position Ben as "the greatest drag race in all of Kunda County" is to highlight the difficulty of Will's adventure here. If "the greatest drag racer in Kunda County" made Dead Man's run and ended up having to be pulled from a flaming wreckage, then man Will's in trouble isn't he? It'll be something to see if he makes it.

I suppose they could have the announcer say:

Local Schmuck Ben Cassidy crunched his car in Dead Man's Run. Can Will the much better racer survive the challenge?

But then what's the fucking point of watching?

Aww Hell.

Again. (Its funny, the last time was over linking too.)

Still, the comment thread there is surprisingly fun so far. They're talking about the wedding and the covers and ignoring the fight most of us got sucked into.

Edit: Okay, fun except for this one:

*blinks*
So this isn't about Dinah? Or the neverending debate about just how much of a w00bie Deathstroke is? Or who tops in the true pure love of SupaBat (Lois Lane WHO?)?

It's just...linkwank. *sigh*

TRY HARDER, COMICSDOM.

"Try harder?" You're kidding, right. We fight about that sort of shit all the time, its just that that community only ever pays attention to livejournal so they miss the really fun Comics fighting on the boards and the blogs. The really interesting stuff isn't even the linking (which Fandom_Wank only notices because it crosses over to livejournal, I bet) but when the pros fight fans. Yeesh, all that community has to do is watch Graeme or Shane's posts on Blog@Newsarama for a little while and they'd find better drama than just the link stuff. Or visit the DCMB.

They don't even have the order of favorite arguments right, do they? No Silver Age vs 90s characters at all. No Joe Quesada. No Marvel vs DC either.

Sweet Gods, I'm actually going to buy Wizard again!

Well, DC Comics tried very very hard to keep it under wraps, but someone leaked the February solicits two days early. (Spoilers ahead)
Now, for those of you who are behind the rest of the class, the 2006 February DC Comics Solicits are important because they are the last issues before the entire product line leaps forward for one year, with the exception, of course, of Infinite Crisis, because they are cocky enough to show us the results of the end of that storyline before actually showing us the end of that storyline.

They took it down but it was too late! Several specimens from the Online Message Board Sub-culture seized onto the news. And there was copying, and pasting, and oh yes, Panicking.

Much Panicking.

Because what should have said "Final Issue" (I'm looking in your direction, Supergirl) did not (Which doesn't necessarily mean that it's not ending, we'll see when the March solicits come out for sure). And two books that should certainly not have said "Final Issue" did.

And for the first time since I started reading comics, I will not be reading The Flash.

Because it's not even offered.

And those sneaky butts didn't even say "Final Issue" for January's solicits!

No, the title "Finish Line" didn't imply anything! How many times have those Rotten Bastiches promised us Superman would die! Or that This would be the End of Superman!

And how many times have they followed through?

Three!

Three Lousy Times! In over 60 years of publishing!

So naturally, when I see "The End" or "Dies" or "Finished" I tend not to believe it unless it actually contains the words "Final Issue."

They're just trying to scare us, that's all. They are just trying to scare us.

Wally will survive. Wally will most definitely survive. Killing another Flash is just way too obvious.

They can relaunch the series without replacing Wally.

Yes, they can.

And hey, they can replace Wally without killing him!

Yes, they can. They did it with Starman!

And Green Lantern!

Hell, they did it twice with Green Lantern!

Oh, wait...

Anyway, I'm not even mildly afraid for Wonder Woman. The entire DC Editorial staff doesn't have the collective cajones needed to off a character that big.

Well, Grant Morrison probably does. But they have him distracted with Seven Soldiers right now.

However, this and other news will be forcing me to pick up Wizard #171 while I am on vacation. In November. In the Land of Snow and Mountains. Visiting a place that is 30 minutes from the nearest comic book store in the Summer.

Yes, I am going to drive 30 minutes (realistically, though, it will be an hour for snow) to the middle of a city that hasn't seen progress since the Coal-Mining Era, from the middle of a valley that believes the Earth is Flat and there is a straight drop to Oblivion beyond the Pocono Mountain Ridge that surrounds them, to spend six entire dollars on a magazine, which will probably feature at least six pages on two-dimensional breasts.

But it will have a confirmed cancellation list from DC Comics.

The official announcement of the new Green Lantern artist (and perhaps some preview pages!)

And of course, the announcement of Ron Marz's new DC project. Now, nearly everyone knows I'm not much of a Ron Marz fan (No offense to the man, I've seen his posts online and he is the very personification of class -- and I hear he sings well too!) -- his writing has skill, but it's not really my cup of tea. But, hearing this announcement should lay to rest a rumor that plagues my thoughts.

Well, actually, several rumors which plague my thoughts:
1) That there will be an "Ion" series launched in March
2) That Kyle Rayner will be getting his own on-going series again
3) That Kyle will be internalizing his powers during Infinite Crisis and leaving the Green Lantern Corps
4) That Kyle will be fed up with the Guardians and leaving the Green Lantern Corps that he worked his ass off to restart
5) That Kyle will be taking the name "Ion" again, and possibly the powers
6) That Ron Marz will be writing for DC "a title that has never been seen before, starring a character that has"
7) That Ron Marz will be writing Kyle Rayner as Ion
8) That Kyle Rayner will be dying.

On the bright side, though, if this is true: It means Kyle lives. And, as I think Kyle Rayner was the best thing to ever come out of Ron Marz's head, I'll at least be buying the first storyline, to see if I like what's going on.

But, I hope Marz is playing with a different hero (or heroine -- Hey, maybe we'll get to see a male love interest die gruesomely! No, that wasn't a cheap shot. His record and his thoughts on killing off supporting characters is well-documented! I just think he should get a fair shake and a chance to stuff a man in a fridge to prove he's not a misogynist, okay? Okay, I just wanna see a male supporting character stuffed into an appliance to even the score. But Ron Marz is the man to do it!). Because I like how Gibbons and Johns are writing Kyle right now, and I want to see where they take him.

I'll find out a week from Wednesday.

Meanwhile, Midtown Comics has Green Lantern #5 on it's confirmed shipping list. Maybe we can finally see what Hal Jordan's been up to. And it should put to rest another rumor that has been plaguing the DC Comics Message boards this week.