Quick Note

I've seen three posts today that suggest DC characters have been replaced by Skrulls.

Wrong universe. DC characters get replaced by Manhunter robots, which are currently active and being led by an old Superman baddie. Adjust your theories accordingly.

Friday Night Fights: Hal vs. Hal

Because Bahlactus demanded it:

An Open Letter to Geoff Johns From Your Average Green Lantern Fan

Dear Sir,

I've been a Green Lantern fan, a "Fantern" to use the embarassing vernacular, since I was a teenager. For the past few years, with few exceptions, Green Lantern Fandom has been calm and peaceful by comparison to the 90s. Bringing back Hal while keeping Kyle active was a beautiful idea that made majority of fans I interacted with happy. Yes, there were problems with lateness and people worrying about their favorites and John not being used but on the whole the majority of the Fandom put aside their differences, their personal insults, their undying character loyalty and geeked out in reasonable harmony for several years.

Today I have been checking the message boards, the blogs, and the livejournal communities. There is obsequious praise for yesterday's Sinestro Corps special, as well as conspiracy theories, personal attacks, ancient grudges, whining, complaining, and creator-bashing creeping into the conversation as anxiety sets in. Increasingly, criticism of the book is met with dismissal and personal insults by the fans who enjoyed it. While it is still quite tame in comparison to how things erupted in the 90s, I perceive that a second Hal-Kyle Fan War is inevitable and the fandom risks returning to the dark ages of insanity and obsessiveness.

So far, the only drawback I can see to that is that last week I wanted to post a rant for Friday Night Fights which pointed out that all of the Green Lanterns were alive, well, and active, show a picture of Green Lantern punching out the Flash and end with "Eat it, Flash-fans!" I could not find a picture that captured the sentiment and so I put it off a week. Too late now.

Other than that, though, this is good. It was really getting boring around here. Everyone but the John fans were so fucking happy (and the John fans were generally fucking quiet) that it was like being in the Twilight Zone. Things were getting so sickeningly good-willed that I was afraid to enter a Green Lantern fansite for fear of encountering a truckload of nerds gathered around the Central Power Battery, holding hands and singing Kum Ba Fucking Yah.

Seriously, I can't deal with that sort of thing.

This most recent story is a step towards proper interfan relations, and I wish you luck in bringing us back to the fandom I knew and fell in love with as a punk-ass kid.

Thank you for working so hard to bring the true nature of Green Lantern fans to light, and please disregard the previous hate letter that I sent when I was afraid you'd fuck Kyle up badly. I was actually very impressed with how you handled the matter, and found that my sometimes favorite Lantern was treated well. Also, that letter isn't written in real blood anyway.

Sincerely yours,
A Rabid Kyle Rayner Fangirl

P.S.: Bring Back Katma Tui

P.P.S.: Now, motherfucker.

Sinestro Corps Special

I'm not pissed.


Yes, they did screw with Kyle.


No, it didn't piss me off. Actually, I don't think Kyle fans have nearly as much to be annoyed with as John fans do or Hal fans did.

That doesn't mean it was a miss, I can wait to see how everything plays out.


Although what's really funny? Its actually a combination of some of the stuff we guessed. (I'll admit this issue also combined those with one idea I had that I left out of the post because I couldn't make it funny, and one thing that never occurred to me but really should have.) Also, that list helps a lot because it goes to show that there is a lot worse they could have done. I should try that again next time it looks like they're screwing with a character I love. Softens the blow.

Or maybe it was that I spent two and a half extra hours at work, only to have my car's battery die and need to be replaced. I was so unbelievably happy to actually get comics that nothing could have pissed me off.

Anyway, feel free to sound off with your reactions in the comments. I want to discuss this one but I'm not sure where to start other than to say that Kyle had better get a hug when this is all over.

From Green Lantern: Mosaic #6

This one's been on my mind since the September DC Solicits came out. Can't imagine why.

30 Ways to Piss Off Kyle's Fans

This week I got caught up in the Flash and other matters, so I nearly missed my chance to discuss this quote:

Van Sciver remarked, “Kyle Rayner fans may not like us after June.”

Its June 24th, and Sinestro Corps (supposedly) comes out on the 27th, so we only have a few days to guess at what he means. True, this is assuming that we can trust him (Hey, for all we know, Hal fans are the ones getting screwed over again), but some people are taking this as a fairly big clue as to Kyle's fate. The going rumor, of course, is still that Kyle will be taken over by Parallax. I'm sure there are some people reading this very post who are taking this as the only logical option.

But Ethan Van Sciver is not necessarily referring to that. There are numerous ways to screw over that character that do not involve creating Kyllax. Come to think of it, there are numerous perfectly harmless additions one can make to the character that will royally piss off his fanbase anyway. Anyone remember when Winick retconned him to Half-Hispanic? Kylefans had a collective shitfit. Given the nature of fandom, I don't doubt that there was racism involved in some objections. However, the retconning of his father from potentially evil government spook to superspy good guy in hiding was also involved, so I wouldn't say that's a definite reason someone would object.

Personally, I was more annoyed at the diversity cheat there. You think that fucking counts, Winick? He looks white. He has an Irish name. He was raised Irish. He doesn't even KNOW the other side of the family! YOU STILL OWE US A HISPANIC CHARACTER WINICK!!!

*Ahem*

Anyway, there's a lot of stuff that Johns can do to piss off Kyle fans, and we have only until Wednesday to get our theories out there before Green Lantern fans get shifted to a completely different track of mind (mainly, how to get revenge for whatever they've done to our precious Kyle). So, without further ado (and with the assistance of Kalinara), I present...

30 Ways to Piss Off Kyle Fans

1. Kyle is possessed by Parallax.

2. Kyle voluntarily hosts Parallax, figuring he can control him. He fucks this up big time.

3. Kyle loses his powers and is fired by the Guardians for it.

4. He returns as the new Star Sapphire.

5. Sinestro kills Kyle and stuffs him into Hal's refrigerator.

6. Kyle Rayner meets an alternate universe version of himself and gets involved in a relationship with her. They both die horribly at the hands of each other's enemies.

7. Kyle loses his powers and the use of his legs. He's a non-powered supporting cast member for the next ten years, then gets his powers back to become a twice a year guest star.

8. Kyle loses his powers and has to use a yellow ring. Within the next year he loses it, and discovers he has alien heritage and funky powers from that heritage.

9. Kyle gets kidnapped on the first page and taken out of the action until September.

10. Kyle's mom returns as Parallax. She becomes Ion after killing Kyle and sucking out his powers.

11. Kyle is not only 50% Irish, 50% Mexican, but he's part Kenyan, Australian, Cherokee, and Japanese. But he still looks white, so he gets panel time.

12. In their most thoughtful (sadly) attempt yet to appeal to female readers, DC brings us its newest retcon: Kyla Rayner.

13. Rather than retcon, Kyla Rayner is a plotline designed to appeal to transgendered fans.

14. Either way, she's getting married to Connor Hawke in October. There will be three special wedding issue tie-ins, and Superman jumps out of the cake again. Female readers are pissed because he's wearing all of his clothes again.

15. Kyle is de-aged to 15 and officially becomes the Kid Sidekick.

16. Kyle is ambushed by 6 of Hal's enemies. 3 of them back off, saying that Kyle's a child and not a Green Lantern, the other 3 attack with full force and kill him.

17. An announcement is made in the DC Nation column that Brad Meltzer will write a new miniseries: Kyle Rayner Gets His Ass Kicked Across the DCU.

18. Kyle sacrifices his power and his life to reignite the sun, and returns as the Spectre.

19. Kyle is out in the middle of a battle with Hal. He warns Hal to watch out, because the enemies are targetting him as the stranger one, but Hal doesn't heed his warning and a stray strike fries Kyle. In his last moments he bequeaths his powers to Hal.

20. Sinestro fakes Kyle's death to cover his capture. While Kyle is being tortured on Qward, Hal and Donna Troy start to date. This leads to a wedding in December, with three special one-shots, Superman jumping out of the cake, and Donna calls off the wedding because of a telepathic link with Kyle they'd never displayed before. Hal saves Kyle, who then goes into a coma for a few years. Upon waking from the coma, Kyle has brain damage and is unrecognizeable as a character. He dumps Donna.

21. Kyle gives up art to join the military.

22. Kyle discovers he has the ability to warp reality. After learning that the fat guy in Austin that Judd Winick wrote was merely a creation of that power and his unconcious desperate need to have a father figure, Kyle loses his mind and subtly attacks the JLA. He kills Oliver Queen (Nobody minds) and causes the Justice League to disband. Later, he remakes the world according to Hal's wishes, and when he's called on that he whispers "No more superheroes..." -- Okay, forget this one. Its just too mean.

23. It turns out that Kyle was secretly sent by his father (or some thing pretending to be his father) to kill Hal. This complicates things at the Oan water cooler.

24. Kyle is fired from the Green Lantern Corps for insubordination, but he wants to help Hal. So he takes some of Ganthet's plans and puts them into effect, starting an intergalactic war. He's captured by Amon Sur and tortured with a power drill. The entire scene is creepily sexy. He's brought to Oa for help afterwards, but Soranik lets him die for no good reason.

25. Kyle is found burned to death at the artist's retreat. An investigation proceeds, causing Hal to track down an old villain who raped Kyle but had his mind wiped in response. It turns out that this has nothing to do with the actual murder. Torah killed him for jealousy and used that flamethrower she carries around to cover her tracks.

26. Sinestro manages to steal Kyle's powers, but Hal rescues him and leaves him at his apartment while he tries to stop Sinestro's master plan. While he's gone, Carol gets possessed by Star Sapphire again. She goes to Hal's apartment to kill him, but finds Kyle instead and chops him to pieces in the kitchen.

27. Parallax possesses Kyle and forces him to fight the rest of the Corps. By the time he shakes him several lanterns are hurt, which causes great angst on the part of Kyle. He goes into seclusion into September, when he emerges to fight an alternate universe Hal who was never freed from Parallax. He's beaten to death during the battle, and doesn't manage to stop his enemy.

28. In the first few pages, Ganthet calls Kyle to Oa, takes him aside and says the words fandom will remember for decades: "Kyle, I am your father."

29. In the last few pages, Sinestro corners Kyle, and in the middle of the fight says the words fandom will remember for decades: "Kyle, I am your father."

30. In the last few pages, Sinestro corners Kyle, and in the middle of the fight says the words fandom will remember for decades: "Kyle, I am your mother. Its complicated."

Aww Hell.

Again. (Its funny, the last time was over linking too.)

Still, the comment thread there is surprisingly fun so far. They're talking about the wedding and the covers and ignoring the fight most of us got sucked into.

Edit: Okay, fun except for this one:

*blinks*
So this isn't about Dinah? Or the neverending debate about just how much of a w00bie Deathstroke is? Or who tops in the true pure love of SupaBat (Lois Lane WHO?)?

It's just...linkwank. *sigh*

TRY HARDER, COMICSDOM.

"Try harder?" You're kidding, right. We fight about that sort of shit all the time, its just that that community only ever pays attention to livejournal so they miss the really fun Comics fighting on the boards and the blogs. The really interesting stuff isn't even the linking (which Fandom_Wank only notices because it crosses over to livejournal, I bet) but when the pros fight fans. Yeesh, all that community has to do is watch Graeme or Shane's posts on Blog@Newsarama for a little while and they'd find better drama than just the link stuff. Or visit the DCMB.

They don't even have the order of favorite arguments right, do they? No Silver Age vs 90s characters at all. No Joe Quesada. No Marvel vs DC either.

Still missing the point.

Loren over at Suspension of Disbelief did an overlay test and discovered that the Power Girl cover was altered before release to give her a smaller breast size.

However, her lifeless posture, incorrect anatomy (the breasts are still anchored to her ribcage -- boobs don't work that way!) and utterly vacant expression remain.

Good god, DC, its not about the fucking cup size. Its about when your artist doesn't bother to draw the rest of her because he thought big breasts got the character across.

They don't.

Next time you kick Turner in the butt, make him fix the rest of the cover too. Or better yet, don't hire his lazy ass!