Monday, August 21, 2006

JLA Lineup Spoiled

I don't know where he found it, or if it's a hoax, but some joker on CBR (in addition to a commenter here) found the revealed lineup JLA#1 cover and sweet Venus, is it hideous. It has to be a real Turner drawing. Any imitator could only improve on his style. Anyway, below the cut, the cover I saw on CBR (which will be subject to serious, serious mocking and criticism once the actual issue comes out and its not a spoiler), and my personal letters to the characters.

Potential (Very likely) Spoilers

Spoilers



Dear Diana,
Enclosed is a Victoria's Secret Gift Certificate. Get a big enough bra.

Dear Bruce,
Enclosed is a laxative. You look a bit stuffed up.

Dear Clark,
You seem to have been replaced by a beady-eyed imposter. You may need to look into that.

Dear Dinah,
Are you going to be able to be in the JSA too? Because that would rock, to see you in three teams at once. I think the record is Wally West, and that was two team books and a solo book. You could totally bury that if you could swing a miniseries too.

Dear Kendra,
At least this cover wasn't by Chaykin.

Dear Mari,
Welcome back from limbo. You've gotten quite a push lately, so there's a bit to live up to. Watch out for Green Lantern. I don't think you've dealt with him yet.

Dear Roy,
I'm happy you got your break and look forward to reading your adventures. Please remember to smile pretty for the camera, and turn around as often as Uncle Hal does.

Dear Jefferson,
Congratulations on your new job. I'm surprised you found a hairstyle that makes the Afro look good in retrospect.

Dear Hal,
I love you. You are one of my favorite Lanterns. Top 2, at least. I would enjoy seeing your butt your clumsiness your work any other time. I'm a HUGE fan. But get the fuck out of John's book, you rotten spotlight hog.

Dear stupid, garish, Silver Age android,
Rust and die. The real Red Tornado is Ma Hunkel.

52 comments:

  1. A few thoughts to go along with this cover--

    -Wonder Woman looks like a zombie with two sets of breasts.

    -I don't want Hal and Dinah on the JLA, despite the fact that they are two of my favorites ever. Also, Hal should get his hand off Dinah's ass.

    -Androids shouldn't have muscles. (Poisonivory's observation, not mind.)

    -DAMN that is one fugly cover. Even beyond the drawing style, there's just no composition.

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  2. Not to mention he has ALL of those BEAUTIFUL men and can't get them right... Hal's hair should be parted to the side, so that boyish bit of bangs hangs playfully over his right eye. Clark's face.. Damn, Clark's face is just too damned bony. Damn. Jefferson looks like a black Luthor. It's the bald head of Evil, the way he draws that chin.

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  3. Is there something really really wrong with Vixen's fingers, or it is just my imagination?

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  4. I'm not going to comment on the art because, well, it speaks for itself, feh.

    As for the lineup, I'm pretty happy with it, but I am not counting on it, much as I want/hope Roy really is on the team for real. Because I seem to recall reading an interview with Meltzer during which he said not to get attached to the first group of characters because it would take a few issues for the team to be set. So even tho I'd heard rumors about Roy being on the team for weeks now, I'm taking a wait and see approach.

    --Shelly

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  5. Samuel L. Jackson's on the Justice League!! "Get these %$&ing snakes off my $%&*ing satellite!!"






    Wait... Black Lightning? Turner's limited facial range probably needing a reference?

    OOooohhhhhh.

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  6. Anybody else notice that there's a character there for every era of the League (and an Outsider and a Teen Titan thrown in for good measure) except one?

    Apparently, the JLI does not represent.

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  7. I think that Canary was on the JLI for a while. Wasn't she one of the ones guffawing when Guy got one-punched?

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  8. Actually, I believe she bolted when Justice League turned into JLI and everything went to comedy. It's like Dr. Fate and Capt. Marvel, they don't really count because they were in the more serious portion of the run.

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  9. Here's another weird thing. When I started reading, every team in the DCU had a speedster. Now, as of this cover, No team in the DCU has a speedster. Not even the Legion of Superheroes!

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  10. Yes, but she's rooted in another era of the Justice League. You've got your Red Tornado and Black Canary, and Hal from the Silver Age, Vixen from Detroit, Hawkgirl (who was a member of the really, really, really terrible Joe Kelly "Obsidian Age" replacement league), and then the three mainstays who, with the exception of Batman who almost doesn't count, were totally absent from the JLI days.

    Even omitting the ones that are dead, there's no Fire (busy in Checkmate, so that gets a pass), Mr. Miracle, or Captain Atom. And from the European side of things, there's no Animal Man, Metamorpho, or Power Girl.

    And, most importantly, no Flash and no Martian Manhunter.

    Which would be perfectly understandable, except for, seriously, the Red Tornado? Rex Mason gets passed up for a chumpy robot in a high collar?

    Kids these days.

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  11. Now, as of this cover, No team in the DCU has a speedster.

    Except for the JSA...and the Outsiders...

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  12. Dorian -- Good point on JSA. 'Cept right now its disbanded.

    And knowing the Outsiders' lineup would require that I read a book by Judd Winick.

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  13. Chris -- I'm surprised how underpowered this team looks without Flash and Martian Manhunter, but it does. Under Morrison's relaunch they had a Lantern who could hold an exploding sun with his mind and make complex energy cionversion machines without having the slightest idea about the physics principles behind them; a shapeshifting telepath with just about every power Superman has; and the fastest person on the planet.

    Replacing them is the weakest of the Green Lanterns (NO resistance to mind control), a woman who can fly and hit things, an android that keeps falling apart, an archer, someone who yells really loud, and a woman who can mimick animal traits. At least Black Lightning has the Jenny Sparks thing going on.

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  14. This has got to be some kind of variant cover that somebody somewhere got their hands on because the first cover, I believe, is supposed to be a 50/50 split of the poster that everybody's seen with the invitations being handed out to the gaggle of heroes.

    Interesting line-up, though, and one I can live with. I like that Roy is part of the team. Vixen and Black Lightning are two of my favorites, so I'm happy about them. Agreed, though, about the Red Tornado. Not my favorite character.

    And, agreed, also, on the hideousness of this cover, particularly Wonder Woman. The Wonder Woman Barbie on my shelf has way more life in it than the drawing. Ewww...

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  15. The more I look at this cover, the less impressed I am with it. My biggest problem with it isn't even Turner's art.

    It's that awfully terrible logo. It was neat when DC just did text logos for a month a few years back, but that? Not working at all. It's got no pop. It's boring and it's ugly.

    I still say that Rian Hughes, Dustin Nguyen, JG Jones, Kaare Andrews, Paul Pope, Daimon Scott, Frank Quitely, Jock, and Dave Johnson need to form a 52-style cover-creating supergroup. Comics would never be the same with that much concentrated awesome in one spot. Comic covers should be good and eye grabbing. This is just a generic "Hey look guys!" shot. No pop.

    I'm iffy on the roster. No Flash hurts it, as he was the consistently awesomely written during the Morrison/Waid/Kelly-era (my favorite JLA era), as does the addition of Hal. He's got his own book, and where is John Stewart? Red Tornado is a non-issue. I liked him in Young Justice, but those days are long gone. Vixen is kind of eh as a character, Hawkgirl is pretty cool, and Arsenal is kind of a non-entity for me. I was never a big Green Arrow/Titans fan so the only thing i know about him is that he's a good shot and he's got a daughter with Cheshire. Canary's a-ok, and it's nice to see her in the JLA now that she's not a founding member any more.

    I get the feeling that all the unnecessary baggage Judd Winick tossed at Black LIghtning is still in effect, so I'm curious as to how they'll handle that. I might check out the first issue for Ed Benes and Sandra Hope (one of the few inkers I follow!)'s art, but that's about it. Hopefully they've got a good colorist.

    (needs more Flash, and that's a Flash Fact.)

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  16. I hate to say it... but when I first saw Black Lightening on that cover I thought it was a really awful redesign of Static. :p

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  17. 1. The only DCU character Turner draws really well is the Tim Drake Robin (see IDENTITY CRISIS#5 and Superman/Batman#26 covers for proof.) His Batman is OK.

    2. GLad to see Arsenal on the team, but they should have kept his Outsiders outfit. I'd rather see him used as DCU's equivalent to Bullseye instead of just an archer.

    3. Guess Dinah's the one leaving Birds of Prey, huh?

    4. Kendra's not on the JSA? Sand will be bummed out..

    5. Every Justice League needs a Flash. It's just...the law or something.

    6. At least Vixen doesn't have that Wolverine 'do anymore.

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  18. I love the idea of both Roy and Dinah on the team! I hope they manage to stay on the roster long enough to have at least one rolicking mother-n-son adventure.

    I'm not entirely sure that Roy is that thrilled at having Dinah and Hal with him on the team, though. Man, at least when Wally made his Justice League debut he got to do it over in the JLE without any of his old rolemodels to watch him when he screwed-up.

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  19. In addition to Black Canary Batman was a JLI member. Hawkgirl did her couple of issues as well.

    Granted, there's no characters that only appeared in that time-period. But there are no characters that specifically represent the the Gerry Conway pre-Detroit league (Which was basically the ZATANNA and FIRESTORM and (very small type) friends show) or the Morrison/Waid JLA, either.

    Now, I love the Giffen/J.M.D/ league and I'd like to see it referenced more. But it's decently well represented here, at least in terms of membership. If, sadly, not tone. The original Gardner Fox league only has two representatives, fersinstance.

    (P.S. I'm not much given to prognostications of Doom. However, I'd wager a C note that this book'll suck like a factory full 'o Hoovers 'till the next creative reset.)

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  20. Hal Jordan:

    "I have more muscles on my stomach then most men have."

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  21. I guess I'm the only one who likes the Silver/Bronze Age Red Tornado - although it may be that I'm the only one who was old enough to read the Silver/Bronze Age Red Tornado the first time around.

    Better start working on a post ...

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  22. God, Turner's faces are looking suspiciously Liefeldian these days.

    Has Roy always been left-handed? His bow appears to have no string, and I think he might be holding it upside-down (can't tell what side the arrow's supposed to be on).

    Also, he's about to shoot Hal.

    In the head.

    -http://sollie7.livejournal.com

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  23. I think it looks like a good team. Could be used to tell some interesting stories, and uses a lot of characters that would just languish otherwise.

    Cover's ugly, though, but it's just a cover.

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  24. lineup sucks. drawing sucks. costumes suck. i kinda didn't hate issue zero, so i guess that's looking like the high point of the series.

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  25. Also, he's about to shoot Hal.

    In the head.


    I'd buy ten copies, Turner cover or not, if this happened.

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  26. Michael Jackson!

    Oh no wait, that's Superman.

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  27. Black Lightning? I thought that was Static.

    This team could be taken out by Dr. Psycho holding a chunk of kryptonite.

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  28. Why the Red Tornado hate? He's just an andrpid trying to make his way in our wacky human world!

    Plus, you know he'll just throw himself at a kryptonite bomb in 8 or 9 issues.

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  29. Holy Crap, my Roy Harper guess was on the money!

    Though I'm having a hard time believing Batman would approve Hal Jordan.

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  30. Dan,

    Bruce and Hal rekindled their friendship in GL # 9. So I doubt Batman would have any problem with Hal's being in the league now.

    Tom

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  31. Keeper:

    Much as I think Ma Hunkle is One Of The Greatest Characters Ever, and much-deserving of her own movie, I have a fondness for her android successor, myself.

    Back in the Satellite Era, J'onn J'onnz was the silly, lame, slightly-embarassing character that everyone just wanted to go away. That whole "Brooding Alienated Outsider Trying To Fit In But Doomed To Always Be Apart" schtick that made J'onn so popular in the '80s and '90s?

    Reddy invented that.

    (Well, okay, three-quarters of the Marvel Universe invented that, but Reddy imported it to Earth-1.)

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  32. Not such a bad line-up.

    There's a tad too many of'em, for my tastes, but my biggest concern is that ugly-ass cover. :-p

    Oh yeah, and Black Lightning needs the hair. Bring back the hair, dawg.

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  33. Bruce and Hal rekindled their friendship in GL # 9. So I doubt Batman would have any problem with Hal's being in the league now.

    Heck, the whole "I'll take my chances" moment from Infinite Crisis #6 where Batman take GL's hand was Bruce's way of saying "Remember that time you destroyed the entire universe in a mad attempt to remake it in your image? No big."

    Oh, and I LOVE the android. Clearly Ragnell has not read enough Young Justice.

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  34. So I'm not the only one who thinks that Turner is channeling Liefeld?
    Brrrrrr! I'm with Ragnell, I love Hal, and the prospect of Hal's butt shots always thrill me, but what the heck? Bring in John Stewart for crying out loud. Sheesh! Oh, and Bring in Ralph too. And Martian Manhunter. SOMEBODY has to eat all those leftover oreos.

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  35. Gah, please tell me that's the variant edition. I've never payed more than cover price for a variant in my life, but if Turner is on the standard covers, I might have to shell out 10 bucks just to avoid having to look at that. I think the blurry scan probably helps it, too. I'm not looking forward to seeing in detail each individual rib on Wonder Woman or every bone in Clark's inexplicably Kurt Russell-like face.

    The line-up looks pretty good to me, though. Isn't there also supposed to be another member of two joining later down the road?

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  36. What's up with Vixen's hands, which look like brown talons.

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  37. Good gawd, what a boring masthead!

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  38. I said my good bye's to JLA when Morrison left. His run was masterful. He truly got the characters. I tried to read the Joe Kelly issues when Doug Manhke was handling the art but it left really inconsistant. I'll give this a low expectations try.

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  39. I've got a special message for Wonder Woman:

    The Joker called.
    He wants his CHEEKBONES back.

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  40. Also: are you blogging from the future, Ragnell? On your main page, this entry is on top of the others and dated Wednesday the 23rd.

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  41. The teeny masthead makes sense. Been to a Boirders books lately? It's the only way to tell what is on their stands. I eagerly anticipate the return of Go-Go checks!

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  42. GAH! Horrible cover!

    Turner's popularity has always baffled me, even moreso with this effort.

    Once again, he draws a woman, in this case Wonder Woman, with the trademark Barbie® waist, and the extra-tall torso. The transvestite-like face is enough to kill the whole look for me.

    Vixen, aka "Edward Scissorhands" is no different: extremelly elongated midriff and torso.

    Is that a tornadic effect under Red Tornado, or some kind of coccoon?

    And what's with all the "street level" heroes? This is the JUSTICE LEAGUE, guys! Black Canary and Speedy? Black Lightning?

    Oh, and I'll second the call for a speedster.

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  43. I'm reasonably sure that that's the variant cover, the regular one'll ship with the same logo that was on #0. Anyway.

    In most of the Sattelite-Era JLA stories I've read (Which, admittedly, isn't that many, when compared to the amount of Batman-throws-a-car-battery stories), Red Tornado whines all the frigg'n time and is generally really, really annoying.

    Could be I just wasn't reading the right ones.

    Also, if the Justice League really DID have Static? I'd be crazy excited.

    Now if it had Static, Firestorm, Metamorpho, the Demon, Mr. Miracle, and Hate-Face... THAT'S the League the fans are demanding.

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  44. Why do we even care who is in the new league? It's being written by Metzer. Judging from his past work all the characters are going to be unrecognisable and unlikable, and the plots are going to be hackneyed offensive and nonsensical.

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  45. I've gotta say, though, that Meltzer's Justice League of America #0 was pretty terrific. He really seemed to nail all of the different eras, not to mention throwing an old Earth-2 fan a bone with the whole Earth-2 discovery bit (a possible future story). Still, the lineup on the issue #1 cover is pretty disappointing.

    As for Red Tornado, Chris is right. When he wasn't being obliterated or dissembled, he was whining about how he'll never be human, or know what it's like to be human, humans hate him, blah, blah, blah. Marvel's Vison character (created about the same time) seemed to get past alot of that after the first few years of whining about Not Being Human....but not Red Tornado.

    I guess we'll see if Meltzer will keep up the tradition or actually do something interesting and inspiring with the character.

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  46. Judging from his past work all the characters are going to be unrecognisable and unlikable

    You're thinking of Mark Millar. Meltzer's characters are incredibly likable, including his villains (Calculator as Evil Oracle? Brilliant. Captain Boomerang and Son? Great.) and he's got a good grasp on characters.

    It's his plots that need work (like having a plot, in the case of Archer's Quest).

    And all you Red Tornado haters really do need to pick up some issues of Young Justice (just the first one has great Reddy moments, for example.)

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  47. Why are the women looking off to one side? Wonder Woman and Black Canary seem to be averting their eyes from the viewer, instead of directly confronting our gaze like most of the men. The men whose bodies are turned to one side are at least angling their heads our way. Hawkgirl can't even bear to do that! I can't tell what Vixen's eyes are doing, due to the resolution of the scan.

    Maybe they're all looking away because they're embarassed to be drawn by Michael Turner. Perhaps Dinah, Diana and Kendra are hoping Adam Hughes or J.G. Jones will rush in from the wings and knock the pencil out of Turner's hand.

    Interesting that the only other character who can't confront the reader is Red Tornado, an object, and the superhero equivalent of a Pinto.

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  48. Steven -- I read Young Justice. Yes, I read the storyline with Traya. No, it did not endear the character to me.

    At best he made a few Spock-style jokes.

    But most of the time he's meant to be like Data -- only he didn't have the exotic attractiveness and he whined.

    I want the REAL Red Tornado, not this Silver Age angst machine.

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  49. So, to play devil's advocate... Ragnell, you want Ma Hunkel running around in her homemade costume as the rest of the League fights Starro or Despero or Darkseid? How do you adapt the original Tornado to fit into the modern comics continuum? (Manhunter does not count.)

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  50. Well, I didn't say I wanted her as part of the JLA... Actually, she should definitely stay in the JSA and have an active successor over THERE...

    It's more an "I hate seeing the damned android thing" and I don't want to read about him.

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  51. I really miss Wally West. How long is DC planning on keeping him cooped up? Maybe he'll come back and be on the team, because the JLA really needs a Flash, and I can't stand Bart right now.

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  52. Dear Clark,
    You seem to have been replaced by a beady-eyed imposter. You may need to look into that.


    Pun not intended, I assume. It still made me happy, though.

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