Monday, December 19, 2005

The Green Lantern Curse

(True Love, Unrequited Love, Cute teenaged crushes.... Apparently, you can't even look at a Green Lantern's butt without stumbling and breaking your ankle)

Kilowog

Arisia -- Kilowog had a crush on the adult Arisia. We all see how well that worked out.

Salakk
Iona Vane -- Erased from existence.

Arisia
Kilowog -- Died, resurrected after she died
Hal Jordan -- Possessed by Giant Yellow Bug Monster from Outer Spaaaace!

Brik
Hal Jordan -- Again, possessed by Giant Yellow Bug Monster From Outer Spaaaaace!

Katma Tui
John Stewart -- Failed to save Xanshi, worked for Controllers, paralyzed twice

Ash
Ash's Wife -- Killed by vampires

Kreon
Boodika -- Lost hand in Emerald Twilight, last seen seen strung up and insensible on Manhunter Homeworld

Boodika
Kreon -- Crap beat out of them both in Emerald Twilight, last seen strung up and insensible on Manhunter Homeworld

Alan Scott
Rose Canton -- Suicide
Molly Mayne -- Sold soul in Underworld Unleashed, apparently got it back but is cursed to age normally while her husband remains youthful.

Hal Jordan
Jennifer (College/High School Gilfriend) -- Disintegrated in Coast City
Carol Ferris -- Mind regularly taken over by Space Aliens, on and off again villainess.
Iona Vane -- Again, she was erased from existence.
Kari Limbo -- Died in Coast City disaster
Olivia Reynolds -- Last seen flirting with Icemaiden. While this is not tragic, it is pretty damned interesting.
Rose Hardin -- Ended up on the Mosaic World the night before the papers were due at the bank to prevent foreclosure on farm. Cannot return to Earth without losing farm now. Fate uncertain with Mosaic Retcon

John Stewart
Katma Tui -- Hacked to pieces in an 8-Page story where she had 5 lines, 3 of which were bitchy. Resurrection retconned away.
Rose Hardin -- Dated John after Hal, continued to be trapped on Mosaic world. Found happiness there, right after John went back with a resurrected Katma Tui. Fate uncertain with Mosaic retcon.
Merayn -- Unable to be taken seriously on Earth for all of her qualifications, apparently turned evil (or at least, bitchy)

Guy Gardner
Kari Limbo -- Died in Coast City disaster
Torah Olafsdotter -- The only proper love interest for Guy Gardner was sacrificed to make a lame villain look more dangerous, on a mission Guy wasn't even on!

Jade
Brainwave -- Went evil, got better, went evil again, got better again
Kyle Rayner -- Shall with start with the time his heart was torn out and used to house the souls of the Justice League, or when the girl stabbed him through the same heart? Or how about the worrisome number of times he's been kidnapped and tortured?
Lucas Simon -- We can only hope...

Kyle Rayner
Alex DeWitt -- Still defrosting
Adara -- One night stand, committed suicide the next morning.
Donna Troy -- Depowered. Ex-husband and son slaughtered. Totally Mindfucked. Died. Came back to life, still mindfucked. Another failed marriage.
Jade -- Lost powers, regained powers but apparently lost mind, cheated on Kyle with loser, was cheated on by loser, still dated loser afterwards
Terry Berg -- This one's pretty impressive, because Kyle never actually had a relationship with him. Terry just had a schoolboy crush on Kyle, and Kyle gently turned him down right off. And then he got the shit beat out of him. Wow. Kyle's powers of tragedy are truly impressive.

8 comments:

  1. I think Kyle's curse is inversely proportional to his power. So yeah, he gets to sleep-conjure and rebuilt disintegrated rings and make constructs in different colors. Unfortunately this means copping a feel will cost your life.

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  2. Honestly after how many times Hal Jordan got hit in the head I'm surprised he remembered Carol's name.

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  3. I thought Terry's last name was Berg? But no matter. What's really important is that Jack T. Chance never had to deal with this sort of relationship trouble.

    But then again, he was the baddest Green Lantern of 'em all.

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  4. Oops, you're right!

    (But I'm sure when Jack gets back he'll find a nice girl and... Man, I can't even type that with a straight face. Never mind, you're totally right there.)

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  5. Sure seems like there is a lot of passing around of girlfriends going on between John, Hal, and Guy. Rose hardin, Hal and John. Kari Limbo, Hal and Guy. Do ladies just love the ring?

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  6. It's part of the ring's curse. On the other hand, it comes with a free frogurt.

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  7. Calvin -- That was during the 80s, I understand a lot of this sort of thing happened back then.

    Tim -- The Frogurt is also cursed.

    Kali -- I have insurance...

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  8. They're swingers!

    Hmm, insurance...

    ...evil thoughts...

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