Haiku Tunnel

Haiku Tunnel is a Damn Good Movie.

It doesn't involve anyone wearing spandex or leather, or flying, or shooting lasers from their eyes, or explosions, or any of the things I normally seek in a movie. But it was still a Damn Good Movie, worthy of Capitalization.

I picked it up in the rental store because it had a strange name. The cover had a picture of the starring comedian -- Josh Kornbluth, Neurotic Adventurer -- up to his nose in paperwork, with "An Office Comedy" stamped across his face in black ink. I'd never heard of the movie, or Josh Kornbluth, but I was feeling experimental so I figured "What the Hell?"

It was definitely worth renting. It features neither Tunnels nor Japanese Poetry (Though I'm sure we could find Haikus if we dissected the dialogue). It chronicles a hopeful novelist as he moves from being a Temp Worker to a Permanent Secretary (or "Perm"). He does very well his first day, as a Temp, and then everything kind of spirals out of control. There are many fine "Thank gawd I'm not That Guy" moments as you watch his priorities crumble in his inept hands.

It seems to be based on my ex-boyfriend's life. The last man I dated looks (except for the hair, my ex has a full head of hair, and a somewhat fuller stomach) and behaves precisely like the main character in this movie. He even had the same job -- Temp. Only he went onto permanent work at a charitable organization. Our Mr Kornbluth works for the Prince of Darkness, a Partner at the law firm Schuyler & Mitchell (S&M).

I didn't realize this parallel until halfway through the movie, when I stood up and yelled at the screen "Hey! I've dated that shiftless, lying bastard!"

This wasn't an abrupt change for me, as I had spent most of the movie yelling at the screen. In fact, as the movie wore on, I found myself yelling progressively worse insults at the main character:
"Stupid!"
"Why don't you just mail the stupid letter!"
"Idiot!"
"Lazy moron!"
"Deceitful jerk!"
"Yuppie-Spawn!"
"Aspiring Writer!"

It naturally enhanced the overall experience to leap to "Ex-boyfriend!"

But, of course, that's my idea of fun. (This is why, when I lost a bet a few years ago, my friend Joe was able to sit next to me at the A-Con Hentai Festival, without losing any body parts. Because the entire night was just an excuse to yell rude things at the screen).

To be honest, the only thing more enjoyable than yelling at the show, is throwing things at the show. If you see me in the Audience at a live performance, Enter at Your Own Risk.

But, of course, this is Frowned Upon In Polite Society, so I tend to stick to rentals. And occasionally, I find a funny one.

And this was a beautifully funny one, blissfully devoid of sappiness and moralizing -- without sinking to the crude level of Frat Boy Entertainment. A refreshing film in today's comedic landscape. And, just when you think there's no possible way for the movie to be better -- A They Might Be Giants song!

I think I'll watch a second time. Coincidentally, this DVD contains a preview for the Tao of Steve, which was also a surprisingly good movie that I picked up on a whim in the rental store. However, that one didn't feature any character types that I myself have dated.

Pun-tastic Classics

I've been reading Jack Kirby's New Gods collection and I just had to stop for a moment, because I got the point where Orion fights Dark Seid's underwater troops: The Deep Six.

The Deep Six

Peter David has nothing on Jack Kirby.

Recovering from Mom

It's been an interesting few days. Mom and Aunt Marilee were in town, and they are perfect stereotypical Middle-Aged American Tourists. They insisted upon running all over the city looking for sites to see and they just had to eat at Toby Keith's restauraunt. I still have three styrofoam containers full of food leftover from lunch yesterday. It could have been worse. Last time she was in town, Mom made me drive down to his ranch to take pictures of the gates. I wouldn't let her out of the car, for fear she'd jump the fence! I think I'm seeing the beginnings of a Elvis-level obsession here. Twenty years after his death, Mom will call me from Shady Pines to tell me how she saw him at the park with Bigfoot and Ghandi. *Shudder*
Anyway, they both left early this morning, and I had to wake up to see them off. So, I've had the entire day to waste as I see fit.

So, why am I only now posting on my Blog, at 11:30 this evening? I was extraordinarily busy today -- reading comics, reading blogs, reading message boards, etc...

Anyway, I had some time to wander, and peruse the archives, and I have some lovely new links for everyone.

Firstly, James Meeley of The Comics Asylum has a review of Flash #227 up that mirrors my own feelings fairly well. He's also a self-professed Kyle Rayner fan, and looking through his archives I can see he likes space-Kyle and laid out DC's coverage plan for Green Lantern as far back as February, which is pretty impressive, actually.

Then we have Bully, the little stuffed bull of Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun! I can't help but imagine a squeaky, child voice when I read his writing, but he's still worth checking out simply because of this post.

Somebody linked me to "Dr. Doom's Top Ten Euphemisms for Sex" (Posted October 9th, if you're willing to search the archives) on Progressive Ruin and it was hilarious, but I can't remember who or find the link again. Whoever it was, thank you.

And, because such a thing is a rare find: Snark Free Waters Yes, a non-snarky blog. Wow. They're doing a fun clone game right now.

On the message baords, I found a worthwhile interview -- Dave Gibbons gives a few behind-the-scenes hints about Rann-Thanagar War and a bit of teasing about the Green Lantern Corps ongoing.

Same site also has a very fun imaginary dialogue for anyone who has read the JLA: Tower of Babel storyline.

I also took some of the online quizzes everyone links to, but the answer codes won't instantly work, and I don't feel up to manipulating them so that they do.

I'd Rather Be Defending Dave Gibbons.

Tom over at the Fortress of Soliloquy has finally posted that massive Infinite Crisis post he promised. It was worth reading, but massive. He goes from the start of Countdown and ties it all together, though. Very impressive.

Anyway, because between Summatives (Finals) and Mom visiting I don't have time to analyze and defend Rann-Thanagar War (Yes, I know I'm the only one who liked it!), I thought I'd just acknowledge having read Fortress of Soliloquy by adopting the term "Blogohedron" over "Blogosphere."

That's all. Now I must clean furiously, and hide all of the things my mother disapproves of. (I'll put the comic book boxes in front of my "special closet." She'll never look behind them!)

My Sister Will Not Be Surprised.

(In case you're curious, I was linked to this via The Absorbascon)

the Prankster
(42% dark, 38% spontaneous, 31% vulgar) your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT



Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not
pretentious, but you're not into what some would call 'low humor'
either. You'll laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer
something clever to something moist.

You
probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly
likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways,
yours is the most entertaining type of humor because it's smart without
being mean-spirited.


PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher



The 3-Variable Funny Test!

"Hey! Waddya know... Ragnell wants to socialize!"

I must confess, I'm a little nervous about Netiquette. Particularly links. So, I put off showing my local blogiverse explorations with the Internet at large, worried that I might be impolite. I figured I'd just ask before posting any links.

I only asked one person -- Scipio at The Absorbascon -- because his humor is absolutely irresistible. If you read comics, or used to read comics, and want a laugh, visit him. He is very reliable in this area.

Anyway, when I was making my regular rounds and saw the Fortress of Soliloquy today, I noticed something. He linked to me. I did a double-take. Somebody actually linked to me. Somebody actually liked me enough to do that. It felt pretty cool. Now, I'm not sure what I did to deserve this honor (Probably the Donna Troy post. That went over fairly well), but I figure one good link deserves a few more. After all, that's how I find all of my blogs, by linking, then linking again, then linking again. Hitchhiking the Internet, I suppose. And it's a public service, now that Fanboy Rampage is closing down. Thus today's expanded sidebar.

Perhaps a quick tour is in order. So, without further ado, the Wonders of the Comic Book Blogiverse (I'm not fond of the term Blogosphere either) for less than thirty dollars a day:

Scipio at the Absorbascon is currently doing a beautiful series on the unintentional humor of Crisis on Infinite Earths. I've found some real gems in his archives, too. A fine place to waste an evening. He's a huge Thanagar supporter, but he's funny so we can forgive him.

Comics Ate My Brain caught my attention with some good Green Lantern posts. Now, granted, he's not nearly as obsessed as I am right now (Rest assured, when a better comic comes along I will begin to obsess over that -- I couldn't stop talking about Wonder Woman over the Summer. Autumn must be Lantern Season). He also has the most endearing nickname for his spouse.

Comics Should Be Good is hit and miss for me, mainly because of opinion differences, but they have some good features sometimes.

Marionette of Dance of the Puppets knows more about Wonder Woman than I can ever dream.

Double Articulation -- This man validates my sanity. Never have I seen anyone who reads more symbolism into comics than I do. This is a good site to get lost in.

Facedown in the Gutters is light on the Lanterns, but still highly enjoyable. He writes series posts. He just finished reviewing a box of random comics, and if you check the archives you can find his Costumes critiques. He also has similar music tastes to mine.

Tom Foss over at the Fortress of Soliloquy is still writing his Infinite Crisis #1 review, but in the meantime he nearly has me convinced to pick up Superman: Shadow of Apokolips. And he's the first Rann supporter I regularly visit. In fact, I envy his Rann posters. I haven't worked up the courage to ask to link to them yet. "Science over Savagery!"

"Seven Hells!" is another Thanagarian support site. Devon is some sort of Seer, evidenced by the accurate prediction of Infinite Crisis a year beforehand.

Shadow of the Written World is a LiveJournal written by the Earth-2 version of me, Morchades. I needed an alternate universe self to comment on my sister's journal (she only exists on Earth-2 and Earth-4), and the name Ragnell was used over there. I started using it for non-comics stuff, and it works out nicely. But the writing style is the same, and that's what matters. I included this link because, in honor of the upcoming holiday, I wrote the Scariest LiveJournal Entry Ever Written (for US citizens, at least) and I'm rather proud of it. I felt it should be shared with as many people as possible.

Tales to Mildly Astonish is not just comics, but a wide variety of oddness. I saw the subtitle and felt compeled to bookmark it. Worth it just for the Star Trek IV post

Two Guys Buying Comics is one I always check, even if I don't agree with some of the reviews. We're on the same page for Green Lantern, though.

What WERE They Thinking? is one of the most fun sites online. Warning: Some of those panels are Just. Plain. Wrong.

Your Moment of Kim is a peek into my older sister's twisted mind. She has stopped reading comics, so no reviews here. Enter at your own risk.

The Zeta-Beam is written by another Rann-Man. He won me over with his Legion of Super-Mullets post.

And there you have it: a tour of the Comic Book Blogiverse with access to plenty of back roads I myself haven't explored, should you choose a strange direction. Enjoy!

Last Line Round-up

I have squandered my valuable time with schoolwork. As a result, I have not written full reviews for nearly a month. And, with two speeches due this week, I don't have time to do full reviews this week. However, I felt a need to weigh in on Infinite Crisis. So, in the interest of brevity, I'm going to review the last bit of dialogue or internal monologue from each of the Crisis lead-ins and the first issue itself, along with the accompanying artwork. A good writer should be able to convey a lot in the last line, after all.

And of course there are Spoilers below. I'm talking about the last page here!


The OMAC Project #6
"It feels nothing."

This line was delivered by Batman. It, and the accompanying page, demonstrate one of the Major Laws of the DCU ever since Green Lantern: Rebirth -- Even when he comes to the correct conclusion, and does everything right, Batman is Still Always Wrong in Some Way. It's a frightening change from Morrison Uber-Bats.


Day of Vengeance #6
"Of course we're with you, boss, we're superheroes."

Just taking this line out of the mini-series makes the entire mini, placed against the entire tone of Countdown, 10 times better than when I actually read it. What a way to drive home the theme, Willingham. Good job with this one.


JLA #119
"Wait... You're..."

Martian Manhunter perfectly articulates the feeling conveyed by the entire DCU line this month.


DC Special: The Return of Donna Troy #4
"This is too much--too big! I need help!"

Thank you, Donna Troy, for setting the Women's Movement even further back. Wuss.


Rann-Thanagar War #6
"The Guardians' side, Poozer -- the side of the whole universe!"

Kilowog answers the question posed on the cover of Issue 1 in a way that beautifully defines the point of being a Green Lantern. A lot of people have been complaining about Gibbons, but I, for one, am glad the new GLC writer has such a handle on the Lanterns (and is willing to accept ideas from online ramblers!).

Note: This mini would have worked a lot better if this hadn't only been the last of the dialogue, but the last of the verbage for the entire mini. There was some useless narration on the last page that could have been replaced to better effect with the second half of Kilowog's line. But, I'm willing to forgive a lot with Dave Gibbons since he gives Kyle and his fans so much respect, and worked so hard to cram so much into so little space.



Villains United #6
"Aw, Hell. Lets just flip a coin."

I think the question this was answering is fairly obvious.


Infinite Crisis #1
"This looks like a job for Superman!"

After six months of cursing the darkness, this last page is way beyond lighting a candle. This is lighting the freaking Sun.

That line, and the accompanying splash page, made the entire issue worth it. It made the entire Countdown worth it. I'll even go so far as to say it made the Deathstroke fight in Identity Crisis worth it.
I got all tingly and giggly. I had to stand up, pace, then sit down. I couldn't read another book that night. It may sound corny and cliche, but somehow Geoff Johns can make the corny and cliche work very well. That's pretty talented in our society of cynics. I think he does it by surrounding the cliche in tragedy, so that it seems extra-special. I am loving this so far.

As long as I'm still hopped up on Care Bear Happy Tummy Rays...

This made me laugh today, so I will share the goodness and politely thank Scipio from Absorbascon.

On the Eve of the Metaplot

My hopes and predictions for during/after Infinite Crisis:

-- Taking Supergirl into outer space is a bad idea. Supergirl is evil.

-- Taking Alan Scott into outer space is a bad idea. Alan's source of energy is the same kind of magic used by all of the Guardians of the Universe's old magic enemies. Alan inadvertantly frees all of these old magic enemies, such as the Empire of Tears, from eons-long imprisionment, allowing fans to finally see modern stories about these guys and not just tantalizing references in old GLC Quarterlies.

-- Putting Guy Gardner and Kyle Rayner in command positions turns out to be a good idea.

-- Sardath's way of defeating Onimar Synn was a bad idea. Onimar Synn returns -- Seven Times as Big, Seven times as Yellow!

-- Power Girl becomes something very similar to Donna Troy.

-- Superman is holding Despero's consciousness.

-- There is also a crazy, evil, or both, Pre-Crisis version of Superman running amok.

-- The White Martians return, and become roving space villains. There will be many laughs from novice Green Lantern encounters with them "Telepathic shapeshifters with heat vision!? What whacked-out deity thought of that!?"

-- Johnny Sorrow returns.

-- Dark Seid will not return until after the OYG (One-year Gap).

-- Brainiac returns.

-- The Joker returns, in a very, very bad way at a very, very, bad time. Think No Man's Land bad.

-- Villains you didn't realize were gone return.

-- Villains you didn't realize existed return.

-- Heroes you didn't realize existed die. And for some unknown reason, you care!

-- Airwave, Larry Jordan, dies heroically, giving angst to cousin Hal.

-- Martian Manhunter dies.
- Without his emotional guidance, the next version of the JLA doesn't take, and the book is cancelled.

-- Captain Comet doesn't die, and becomes a recurring guest star in Green Lantern Corps.

-- None of the Earth Green Lanterns die, but scores of nameless alien Lanterns do.

-- Jay Garrick does not die.

-- Donna Troy does not die, but is never used as a love-interest again.

-- Pariah finally dies. And there will be much rejoicing.

-- Hawkman neither dies nor bathes.

-- Wally West does not die, but retires (maybe even conveniently loses his powers) to spend more time with the kids.

-- Either Connor Hawke (Green Arrow II) or Roy Harper (Arsenal) dies. I hope it is Arsenal.

-- Kyle Rayner does not die, remains active, but is unable to comfortably return to the metropolitan, or even global scale of heroics after becoming so used to the universal scale of policing.

-- Bart Allen becomes the new Flash.

-- Barry Allen shows up through time-travel, and nearly gets killed before (but also after) his appointed time to be killed.

-- Todd Rice (Obsidian, son of Alan Scott the Golden Age Green Lantern) gets his powers back, much to his father's annoyance.

-- Wally West and Kyle Rayner work together for one last time.

-- Colu (Homeworld of the Brainiac bloodline) suffers a major population loss. The disaster that occurs here is blamed on Donna Troy, but actually perpetrated by Supergirl. The damage could be a lot worse, but Kyle Rayner and a new Green Lantern from Colu manage to contain it.

-- Kyle Rayner deliberately performs an act of mass destruction, again, and is rewarded by the Guardians of the Universe for it.

-- Guy Gardner gets to hurt a lot of bad guys. There will be much rejoicing.


-- Vril Dox II, Brainiac II, will be technically counted among Kyle's Rogue's Gallery, but never become an actual supervillain.

-- The Spectre's new host is not Jim Corrigan, but somebody else.

-- Sasha Bordeaux becomes the only OMAC. She is never used by anyone but Rucka.

-- We see a new Atom-style shrinking hero, that goes by the name "Ion"

-- The new Blue Beetle is Hispanic, and never before seen.

-- Lex Luthor is not only thwarted, but forced to help the heroes again.

-- Star Sapphie dies, and we see a new Star Sapphire.

-- Black Adam turns on the Secret Society of Supervillains.

-- Dr. Psycho is thrown out of the Secret Society of Supervillains. This is actually pretty impressive.

-- Nevertheless, the Secret Society of Supervillains remains intact, with a slightly altered roster.

-- Brother I is defeated by an all-female team led by Wonder Woman, and including Fire and Sasha Bordeaux

-- Every member of the Justice League who was punked by Deathstroke (and they ALL got punked) in Identity Crisis gets to lay a smackdown on him. The damage dealt, and the speed in which it is dealt would ideally be proportional to how badly the Leaguer was punked. Meaning Slade walks away without so much as a concussion from a fight with Green Arrow that last two issues, but is nearly killed (and left in traction for the entire one year break) by Kyle Rayner in just two panels.

-- All of the Big 3 are MIA during the OYG:
- Wonder Woman does not die, but is tapped to mediate peace talks between Rann and Thanagar. She goes into space for a year.
- Superman goes into forced exile in a) the Fortress of Solitude, b) the center of the Sun, or c) the Phantom Zone
- Batman leaves Gotham top find himself. He tours the world, again, as Bruce Wayne.

-- John Stewart is one of the featured characters in 52.

-- John Stewart is absent from the Green Lantern ongoing due to his having inexplicably disappeared during the OYG (This will be explained in 52). Kyle Rayner, as one of the GLC troubleshooters, ends up staying on Earth for an extended period of time to help find him. This is why we've only heard of Guy Gardner as the star of the GLC ongoing, because Kyle is getting partnered with Hal for the next year.
- A year passes, and Hal Jordan still hasn't told his brother about what happened with Parallax. He is still reckless, repressed and in denial after the OYG. He is also still abnormally (for a Green Lantern) susceptible to mind control.
- Hector Hammond reaches in Kyle's brain and is unable to control him, but still manages to kick a few walls down.
- Geoff Johns and Dave Gibbons settle Mama Rayner's fate once and for all, because Johns can not bear to see loose plot threads. It will be very unpleasant.

---

Now for the good news -- An explanation for "Great Guardians!" that is funny, and affords Kyle a chance to flex his creative muscle. I just hope he writers this explanation into Recharge. It would be funny.

Halfway Through Management Training

How evil are you?

Green Lantern Fun

MEMORANDUM FOR GREEN LANTERN KYLE RAYNER

FROM: Green Lantern Salakk, Green Lantern Corps Administrative Liason

SUBJECT: Letter of Reprimand for Needlessly Destructive Tactics

1. On 26 September, 2005, you awakened a planetary-class entity from its hibernation inside of Talok IX, and indirectly destroyed the planet. While there were no direct deaths from the disaster, there have been serious effects on the Talok system. The rubble severed Talok VII from its inter-stellar trade routes, posing a serious threat to its economy. The primitive people of Talok V retreated to their caves when debris reached their planet. They have revived their darkness-worshipping religion. Both civilizations have culturally regressed by several decades.

2. You have been counseled that your actions have fallen short of the standards set by GLCI 37-6001 Dormant Cosmic Entities, GLCI 21-703 Necessary Force and GLCO 61-35 Pre-Mission Checklist. GLCI 37-6001 clearly states that “planetary-class entities hibernating in the cores of gas giants must not be disturbed under any circumstances.” GLCO 61-35 specifically instructs Lanterns to research the Central Threats Database before embarking on any mission.

3. You have displayed destructive behavior twice prior to this. You intentionally demolished both Oa and Solaris the Tyrant Sun. I have documented both occasions. If this trend continues, I will request disciplinary action under GLCJC Article 31 Reckless Disregard for Sentient Life, with the punishment outlined in Article 37 Incorporeal Imprisonment.

4. You have up to 3 duty days to reply to this Letter of Reprimand, but you will annotate with your signature that you have received it. I can be contacted at Extension 0001-7. Despite the above problems, your unorthodox method of problem-solving and unpredictable combat style make you a fine Green Lantern. You possess remarkable potential, if you can just get past this unfortunate habit of destroying celestial bodies.




Salakk of Slyggia, GrLn, GLC
Administrative Liason, Keeper of the Book of Oa

-----
Note: The above incident was entirely fabricated by me, and hasn't happened in any comic book I've read. Of course, given Kyle's record it's only a matter of time before we see something similar.

There you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen (and Kim): What I've been working on for so many weeks! Well, there's been a lot more paperwork (letters of recommendation, performance report bullets *shudder* and speeches), but this was the most enjoyable assignment yet.

Yes, this was an actual assignment from my comm-skills class at leadership school. We're studying documentation of disciplinary measures. He asked everyone in the room to name a fictional character, then assigned a paper for each. If I'd only had to do a Letter of Counseling, I would've done destroying Oa, but a reprimand is a pretty serious thing. I hope I made destroying a planet sound as bad as being late for work.

The poor guy next to me had to write a Letter of Counseling for Superman. That had to be hard, I mean, mind control aside, what has Superman ever done to deserve disciplinary measures? My choice was far easier to work with, and it's a good thing I'm obsessed with Green Lantern right now rather than Wonder Woman. I find it tough to reprimand Diana for killing a guy who so obviously had it coming ("You look good on your knees, princess." What a sleaze! He would have been dead right there if it had been Hippolyta!). As it was, it worked out nicely, and I could have used any of the Lanterns.

Why I Hate Donna Troy

I must confess, I picked up her miniseries in hopes of a Wonder Woman appearance, and discovered my true feelings for Donna Troy. I now continue to read out of morbid curiosity, and in the hopes that they will give her a personality. I am a fool. But at least I get to see Jade act in-character during it, and Starfire's pretty likeable there.

Anyway, due to the solicitation for Green Lantern Corps: Recharge #2 (First issue was a work of beauty, Kim -- Rest assured, Kyle remains Kyle!) and it's implications, I felt a need to outline my feelings about Donna Troy, who is scheduled to invade my regular reading more often than I'd like this fall. So, on with the Bile!

Mild Spoilers for JSA #77 below

1) Even less personality, on average, than Wonder Woman herself. Seriously, at least under certain writers, Diana leaps off the page. Even badly written, you have an idea of what she will do in a given situation. Mark Waid outright admitted he didn't understand the character, but he still managed to inject her with personality. With Donna, even writers who claim to love her can only manage to give us an overly emotional twit with watercolor substance, at best. Wonder Woman may have an inconsistently complex personality, but at least she has her interesting portrayals -- Wonder Girl/Troia is consistently vapid and weepy.

2) Her creation was a big mistake, and this is not simply my opinion. A DC Editor saw Wonder Girl on the cover of Wonder Woman and actually thought she was Wonder Woman's teen sidekick, when in fact she was just a teenaged version of Wonder Woman. From there, they had to create a distinctive personality. They seem to have failed miserably.

3) Gaudy Moon-shaped earrings. Yuck. I'm sorry, I am against jewelry on a superheroine (and yes, this includes Wonder Woman's star earrings, which, most artists mercifully leave out. Her bracelets are actually bracers, and a kind of armor, so they are acceptable), particularly stupid dangly jewelry, and Donna was decked out in JSA #77. They should've stuck with the armor on the cover of Return of Donna Troy #3, that looks cool.

4) Poor Choice of Pantheon -- The Titans as opposed to the Romans or Olympians. Anyone who hasn't read the Greek stories is totally unfamiliar with her Pantheon (unlike Wonder Woman's, which most people at least know some names from) and anyone who's read the old Greek stories know that Titans were the bad guys.

5) Depressing. Donna's natural state is weeping. Every time I've seen her spotlighted, it's a tragedy fest. Everytime she speaks, she's so firkin' serious! She smiles sweetly, but never cracks a joke! She's like some dreadfully melancholy Mary Tyler Moore. Please! Just because you're in the Greek-influenced Wonder-family doesn't mean you have to walk around like Antigone! No, I'm being unfair -- to Antigone. That play was much more optimistic than any Donna Troy comic I've read lately.
I suspect the only way the writers could think to add depth was with depression and darkness, forgetting that the best characters punctuate their angst with a sense of humor and optimism.

6) Her miniseries is late. Yes, I blame the character for this, because somehow she's attracted a large enough fanbase that DC believed this would work better as a miniseries than an Outsiders/Teen Titans crossover. As part of of an ongoing crossover, I believe it would be on time and I wouldn't be seeing the results of the mini-series before the resolution.

7) She's going to play a large role in Infinite Crisis. Crap.

8) Donna Troy was singlehandedly responsible for the FUBAR Wonder Woman continuity. If no one had insisted on keeping Donna in the Teen Titans, there would not have been a Wonder Girl who predated Wonder Woman! That would mean no need for a Golden Age Wonder Woman to inspire Wonder Girl. This removes any need for Byrne retcons, because Wonder Woman continuity would be streamlined according to the Perez reboot.

9) The above continuity situation led to the untimely death of Queen Hippolyta, whom Byrne retconned as the time-traveling, Wildcat-boinking, fun-loving Golden Age Wonder Woman! Hippolyta was the best character in all of Wonder-dom at the time, and due to an excess of Wonder-females, TPTB declared that one needed to die senselessly in a stupid crossover -- Of course, the one with the most actual personality gets the axe! And of course, the one with the least actual personality (Donna) gets resurrected while Hippolyta remains dead!

10) She is currently powered above Wonder Woman. This is unacceptable, UNACCEPTABLE! Donna must always be subordinate to Diana.

11) Whenever she appears, she robs valuable panel-time from far better female characters (Wonder Woman, Hippolyta, Wonder Girl/Cassie, Starfire, Raven, Jade, Maura Rayner) and adds nothing of value with her presence.

12) Hypocrisy in JSA #77. Donna spends 3 issues under mental memory manipulation that causes her to attack the Teen Titans and the Outsiders, and attempt genocide on a peaceful, innocent, technologically backwards race. She meets Hal Jordan in JSA#77 and despite the fact that he is very obviously Green Lantern again, and Alan Scott is at his side vouching for him, she still gives him attitude about having been Parallax. Okay, much fun as Rebirth was, Batman has the right to give him crap. Kyle Rayner certainly has the right to give him crap. Wonder Woman has the right to give him crap. Superman no longer has the right to give him crap, but he won't! The Flash has the right to give him crap. Hawkman has the right to give him crap. Green Arrow has the right to give him crap. Donna, fresh off of mind-control herself, has absolutely no right to give him crap about things he did while not in possession of his full senses! I really hope Kyle rips her a new one for this in GLC: Recharge #2 (if it is indeed her that is being referred to in the solicitations -- Jade is still running around, after all, and if Jason Todd can come back, so can Alex DeWitt!)

13)Current Taste in Men -- and this is the one I think Diana needs to beat some sense into her over!

Fiction is wish-fulfillment. It is the only way for women to get certain ideal types of men. You know, men who never appear in real life. There are several archetypes, for example, that women are attracted to, hoping to scratch the surface and find another archetype underneath -- a two-in-one deal. One of these is the introspective artist. Most women I know, when attracted to the introspective artist, are secretly hoping that he will turn out to be a masculine solar-hero archetype underneath his introverted outer self. Not in a deceitful way, mind you, but simply hidden strength. In my experience, most introspective artists have the emotional/moral fortitude of a shaved hamster. So, we turn to the comic books and books for our idealized men -- your rogue with a heart of gold, your sensitive hero, your vulnerable tough-guy...etc.. The only way to be assured of a decent man.
Kyle Rayner, Green Lantern, is the introspective artist who shows the hero when you scratch the surface. The man (as written by Morrison or Johns) is selfless, virtuous, kind, funny, has a will of cold iron at his core, surrounded by this incredibly romantic dreamer exterior that is just as much a part of who he is as his hidden qualities. He's really cute with coal-black hair and tree green eyes. He can paint a beautiful picture of you, and fight off an alien armada with his mind. He can make glowing green flowers out of thin air. I mean, even when he's written as really stupid, he's actually quite a catch -- especially for vain women like me who like to see themselves as inspiration for art!

And Donna Troy dumped him.

For Roy Harper.

Roy Harper.

Those of you who don't follow DC will be unfamiliar with Roy Harper, aka Arsenal aka Speedy (Green Arrow's sidekick. Let me reiterate -- Green Arrow's sidekick). He's a single father -- her mother is a supervillain, who nuked an entire country -- who irresponsibly continues to be a non-powered vigilante despite his daughter constantly being used to manipulate him or her mother. He's the sole parent and provider, but does very little to preserve his own life. He doesn't really even have the ability to plan for the future, which was a huge joke when he started dating Donna. Rather than stay with the baby, he frequents a strip joint often enough to know everybody's name. He thinks he's a total hotshot, when I'm sure Connor Hawke is actually a much better fighter. He never shaves and has an ugly red goatee. His hair is basically red stubble. I don't believe he showers. He's sleezy. He's easy. He makes me feel queasy.

And Donna dumped gentle, introspective, humble Kyle for this loser.

Who dumps a guy like Kyle "Custom Designed for a Romantic Relationship" Rayner for Roy "Nice boots, let's knock them!" Harper?

Who dumps any Green Lantern for that matter? That franchise has everything you'd be looking for in a man! Artistic Romantic? We've got Kyle Rayner, just waiting for someone. You want a responsible, moral father-figure? We have John Stewart. Looking for a one-night stand? Hal Jordan. Inexplicably attracted to Neanderthals, but wish for one who is loyal good-natured under the rough exterior? Yes, there's actually Guy Gardner (who, while he may be a jerk externally, was actually a pretty loyal and faithful boyfriend to Ice).

Jade, I can forgive -- Kyle flaked out and she got lonely. With Donna, he was right there. She left. And don't tell me was an editorial mandate, it's always editorial mandate, she's a fictional character! But, we have to take all behavior that is not explained away by mind control into account when considering the character -- and to have her run into Roy's arms when she just told Kyle she wasn't up for romance -- Yuck! Donna is so stupid.

People on certain message boards are supporting a resurrection of this failed romance, but the idea sickens me. She is unworthy of any Green Lantern -- even Guy Gardner! Hell, especially Guy Gardner, because he at least has enough class not to move in on a girl who's been totally mind-whacked after losing her entire family! In fact, I hope Guy Gardner kicks her ass in Recharge for putting Kyle's recently rebuilt heart in a blender and pressing the puree` button! He can be pretty protective, y'know.

Come to think of it, the last person in the DCU I'd want to get on the bad side of is Kyle Rayner, given the Guardian's treatment of him in GLC: Recharge #1. He's a big man at Oa right now, and the Green Lantern Corps is swelling to about 7200 members to be the police force of the universe. And we all know how ex-girlfriends of cops get treated when they get pulled over. "Ma'am, it looks like you have a broken *SMASH* taillight on your spacestation. 100 Deneb-buck fine"

I hope she hooks up with Roy instead, and runs off with him to Outsiders obscurity so I never have to see either stupid character again!

Or, she can become a Green Lantern villainess. Why not? She's already conflicted with the two lead characters of the franchise! And she was able to smash through Jennie Hayden and Hal Jordan's constructs easily. Though, I think Kyle would be the one to come up with a way around that.

Hmm... According to Phil Jiminez interviews, she is getting some new, important role in the DCU during Infinite Crisis that separates her from the Wonder Woman Mythos -- and Geoff Johns helped come up with it! Maybe she will be a new Green Lantern villainess after the dust settles. Donna Troy, Inter-galactic Outlaw! I think I could grow to like her evil. She'd at least have personality, if only evil personality!



And, now, as a reward for reading through that, some funny stuff:

Kyle Rayner Fans, try here, here, and here.

I feel incredibly guilty for laughing at this. If you are of a conservative political bent, I suggest you scroll to the Green Section before turning away in disgust.

I actually don't feel guilty for laughing at this at all.

Memorable Quotes from JLA.

Guy Gardner actually comes off pretty nicely in this 1998 Fan-fiction.

Aquaman comes off as impressive in the last JLA.

Management and Green Lantern Training

Wow, what a week! I just found out I get to go to Management Zombie Training on Thursday!

Thankfully, I'll have Wednesday Night to read Green Lantern Corps: Recharge. I am so excited because I love the Space Cop concept, and by all interviews that I've read, that is what Dave Gibbons plans to do! He'll be doubling the size of the Corps and partnering them up, even -- making so much more sense than having a bunch of lone Green Lanterns running around like Sinestro bait! And Guy Gardner partnered with Kyle Rayner sounds like Pure Heaven (TM) to me. They could be a classic buddy-cop team.
The only way to make it better is to make them bunk together too! It would be perfect. Can't you picture it? Kyle spills paint on Guy's favorite shirt, Guy drinks all of Kyle's coffee (the stuff he has to call John to import all the way from Earth!). Gardner on the top bunk, snoring, Kyle on the bottom bunk, kicking Guy to stop the snoring! And to top it off, they have to save the universe together in the morning!

Okay, maybe that's a bit over the top, but I am totally obsessing over Green Lantern right now and it is a good time to be obsessed with Green Lantern. Since Aug 31, Counting this week's JSA and JLA, I have had 4 doses of Green Lantern! Next week, it'll be 5! And 2 of those doses include Kyle! Who says he needs a solo title?

Yes, I admit I am only reading Rann-Thanagar War for the Kyle Rayner appearances. And yes, I do like that he's becoming Supercop, so there! He'll be back to moping to counter Guy's behavior in the GLC stuff, anyway. It's good to see him exhibit enthusiasm every once in a while (I still suspect Kyle's a Pisces, but there are enough ups and downs to indicate some serious Gemini influence elsewhere in his chart). The silly dialogue he's been given, however, requires a more in-depth analysis of its merits. I'll review RTW#5 later.

Interestingly enough, I just noticed something -- Sinestro and Fatality were in Villains United, Kyle Rayner is in Rann-Thanagar War, Guy Gardner is in The OMAC Project -- Green Lantern characters are appearing in 3 out of 4 minis leading into Infinite Crisis. And the fourth mini-series, Day of Vengeance, was directly caused by Green Lantern: Rebirth.
They are seriously pushing the GLC concept here. I have a feeling that instead of Amazons being the mass cannon fodder body count as usual, we're going to lose a lot of nameless Green Lanterns this crossover. So long as they keep the Core 5 they featured in Rebirth, though, it should be okay. No need, with this huge concept, to risk another Jordangate like right after Emerald Twilight. Everybody can have their favorite character in this franchise.

Anyway, headed to day shift as of Monday. Thus far I have been unsuccessful in my attempts to adjust my sleep schedule to that of a non-vampire, having gotten off work yesterday morning, slept until nightfall, ad then piddled on the internet -- but today I intend to stay Up All Day! And then to actually sleep during the hours of darkness!!

But first, breakfast.

Then, those Green Lantern: Mosaic back issues I picked up yesterday. I must become properly acquainted with John Stewart, and he hasn't shown up anywhere yet this month!

Comic Reviews for Sept 8th

Last week was a mostly mainstream week again. I picked up a couple of trades, but DC Crossover Crisis Mania is sucking me in like a Black Hole of Metaplot. I'm enjoying the ride, though. Hoping for a strange new world of wonders on the other side, as opposed to a bleak existance as a bunch of shredded particles like many DC fans are expecting.

Mild Spoilers Below

Superman #221 -- I'm the reverse of a regular fan here. I picked up Superman issues and The OMAC Project because I'd heard they would be tying into Wonder Woman. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the Superman books, and so this month I picked up the next issues of all of the Superman books to see how they were doing.
The last two issues (Action Comics #830 and this one) of the Superman line that I've read were narrated by supporting cast members. Out of 3 issues of non-Crossover Superman books in 10 years (Although to be perfectly honest, the last Adventures of Superman should count as part of the crossover), that's not promising.
Now, don't get me wrong, spotlighting supporting cast is wonderful at times. But I notice a tendancy to spotlight supporting cast as a method of characterizing the main character. Jimmy speaks about Superman in glowing generalized terms, and talks about learning from him -- "He continues to astonish me" "I learn about selflessness, decency, the sometimes unfortunate laws of physics, and most of all, the meaning of heroism."
To take an example I enjoyed more -- Lois in the narration of Action Comics #830 tries to impart a fraction of the wonder at being married to Superman to the reader. This is a really good piece of writing, so true to life that you could see the wife of a perfectly normal human being say it. However, preceeding this issue, it helps to highlight by repetition the deficiencies in that technique in Superman #221.

It's wasted characterization.

We really don't need to hear it.

He's Superman.

We know he's awe-inspiring.

We know he's a miracle.

We know he's a hero.

That's what makes him Superman, silly. Everybody knows that!

If we did somehow forget momentarily, and needed to be reminded, it would be far more effective to show us that he is an awe-inspiring, heroic miracle, or a miraculous, awe-inspiring hero, or a heroic, miraculous inspiration...etc...

Less is more for Superman narration. The splash that accompanies Jimmy's "meaning of heroism" comment (Page 6, Pg 11 counting ads), for example, is a nice piece of Ed Benes art that would stand up on its own as an example of Superman's heroic behavior. No need to stick cliched narration in the background to characterize Superman.

Or is this to characterize Jimmy? Well, I get that he's in awe of Superman and greatly admires him. Not only is that Jimmy Olsen's basic characterization, but its written all over his face in that very panel.

Anyway, I think Mark Veheiden overdid it on the narration for this story. I could have been a very nice Jimmy Olsen spotlight, if not for all of the little narration boxes gushing needlessly about Superman. If you read through the story and ignore all of the narration, the same point is made. Even better, because it is made without subjecting you to so many cliches. This is just more of the unfortunate wordy tendancy of comic book writers, most likely inspired by the success of Kurt Buseik's childlike wonder in and Astro City, and James Robinson's lyrical hero-worship in Starman. But those writers knew, for the most part, when to step back and let the pictures and dialogue tell the story. Their works were considerably more enjoyable for it.

This issue wasn't enough to justify buying another of Verheiden's issues for me. I'll stick with Action Comics, though, because Ms Simone has the golden touch right now -- which brings me to...

Villains United #5 -- The cover is very impressive. It features Deadshot and Catman fighting in free-fall. When you open the book, the first page is a splash that reinforces it perfectly, and helps carry the impression of a falling fast fight throughout the entire book. This is Gail Simone's writing -- being thrown out of a window and taking the bad guy (or, in this case, other bad guy) with you. Even the calm moments where people are planning or catching their breath are loaded with electric excitement. I ended this book unable to sit still for anticipation of the next issue.

I've heard Gail Simone's name thrown around on message boards for nearly every female character in comics, but the character this women needs to write is The Flash. Her pacing and energy are just what the Fastest Man in the World needs!

Ultimate Spider-Man #82 -- was ultimately unimpressive. More Black Cat? I can't bring myself to care very much. This book may be next on my chopping block.

Gotham Central #35 -- The only DC book without a Metaplot sighting! Of course, this is going to change in the near future.
I think Stacy's developing a little crush on the Boy Wonder here. That is so cute. I like Stacy here. A child-woman like her can get very irritating very easily, and dwnright offensive when handled badly, but in Gotham Central she's set off by the bleak landscape and contrasted by Maggie, Rene', Romy and Josie. Rucka plays her sweet nature up only rarely, and when it has a definite effect on the plot. He manages to make her very endearing and naive.
I also love Rucka's characterization of Robin. Tim Drake's a much more likeable boy here than we see anywhere else today. But he's still sly, he's playing Stacy's naivete to get a rare insight inside the GCPD. Not that I can fault him for it -- this mystery seems like a very personal attack on him on the surface (though I'm sure there's a completely different motive), and Bat-jerk has gotten them all kicked out of the precinct here. It would be a interesting replacement for the Batman-Jim Gordan relationship, if it were a Robin-Stacy relationship that got the Gotham vigilantes their inside info.

The Manhatten Guardian #4 -- This issue is all exposition, and takes us deeper into the mystery connecting the Seven Soldiers than any other issue in this series so far. He also made me seriously like Jake for the first time (I must admit, I was reading for the subway pirates at the beginning) here in the last two pages.
And now, for today's Sentance I Never, Ever, in a Billion Lifetimes Thought I'd Hear Myself Day: I badly want more Newsboy Legion flashback stories.
More Ali Ka-Zoom! In this, and in Zatanna #3, he was just plain cool.

Warning though, Guardian #4 is considerably more of a cliffhanger than Shining Knight #4 was. You will buy Seven Soldiers #1 if you enjoy this.

Fell #1 -- I started off not liking this (Despite the initial laugh at the first panel), but gradually changed my mind during the read. It was a good mystery, totally self-contained (in 16 pages!), that introduced enough of Detective Fell's little corner of the genre that I'd be willing to read more. And Ellis manages to do it without shortchanging characterization or plot for the sake of more setup. I'll buy a second issue of this. I wish there was more out like this.

That's all for now, I bought a couple of trades, but those are weekend reads. Until next time, I leave you with something fun to listen to:
Click on Instrumental when you go here.

Reflections at 9 AM

Background Music: "Daysleeper" REM

I miss Brunching Shuttlecocks. Archives just aren't the same. No new material. And I really liked that site. I also miss the "Dysfunctional Family Circus," and "It's A Dysfunctional Life" sites. They got me addicted to the internet

(Excuse me, I must forcibly remove the cat from the hamper)

Anyway, went to an Astrology worshop last night. Learned the neatest way to research. Unfortunately, it means I have to actually ask people what their signs are. (Excuse me again. *Turns and yells in the direction of the hamper* "KNIGHT!!! Rotten cat, first he slays my Dragon figurine...") Then I get to figure out what they have in common with each other.

It's actually a really fun game, though Aquarius fell flat, as only two of us knew any Aquarius. By wierd coincidence, both people had Aquarius fathers both on Jan 20. Wierd.

Other than that, it worked out really nicely. Even comparing people who seem very different from their Sun Sign description, we found they had common traits that matched the basic Sunsign idea. All of our Scorpio examples (And the group had 2 Sun-Scorpios, a Moon-Scorpio, and a Jupiter-Scorpio!), for instance, had a "Scorpio Nitro Button" which would cause the Scorpio in question to vomit Zeal when pressed, no matter how pleasant as the person seemed initially. We delineated them down to a basic phrase, summed up thusly: Still waters run deep... and muddy... with big alligators.

We did some exercises with observing the four elements, too.

Air was okay, but unremarkable.

I nearly burned my hair off with fire, but that didn't sour me on the element. Fire is bright and exciting.

And I have to tell you, water is one creepy element. Do what what we did. Get a bowl, fill it with water, and stick your hand in it. It's cold, and after a little bit of resistance, overtakes your hand as much as it can. It clings, and feels like its sucking you in. It distorts space and time when you look, because your hand is at such an odd angle from where it is above the surface. To your eyes, your hand seems to leave the water just a split second after you've actually taken your hand past the surface. The universe seems to be warped by water. It's really scary when you think of it.

And then you realize that there are people who are like water.

My personal favorite was Earth. We passed around a large rock we found outside, about the size of 3 hands. It was nice, felt comfortable in my hands. It had a good rough texture and a reassuring weight. The Rock had personality. It was old and simple and dropping it and chipping a piece off didn't hurt it or cause a wierd reaction.

There are people like earth too. Solid and dependable, and who don't get hurt by little accidents. Earth has personality, too.

I think people forget that sometimes.

That's all for now. Maybe next time I'll regale you with my revelation that John Stewart must be a Virgo.

Maybe not. We'll See.

Green Lantern Fun: Night of the Emerald Table

I have both King Arthur and Comic Books listed under my interests. I can attract bored fans of one of the other through my user profile. Upon realizing that some individuals will be fans of both, I said to myself: why not cater to this special random viewer with a beautiful fusion of the two interests?

DC Comics heroes and Arthurian Knights both have archetypical personalities that evolve as they are passed from writer to writer. Sometimes they fall in line with each other surprisingly well. It's a pleasant diversion this early in the morning when everyone else is sleeping.
Today we'll be playing with Green Lanterns, as I already made some initial parallels in a reply on the DCMB Green Lantern board. This mythos is a special challenge, because the characters all have the exact same power, and you actually have to differentiate between personalities to make parallels. Those of you unfamiliar with either set of characters may play with the links provided, or just muddle through and hope I don't make too many inside jokes.

And now, because I demanded it -- and you're obviously bored enough to be reading it:

The Knights of the Emerald Table!

King Arthur -- Alan Scott
Alan Scott, despite the ridiculous color scheme of his costume, is a character that oozes nobility and regality. In the DCU, he's the Alpha Hero of the JSA (in the retconned absence of any Golden Age Superman), representing all the ideals about the Golden Age. Kind of like King Arthur represents a Golden Age of Chivalry? I'm seen writers use both characters as a way to convey morality -- For example, Ron Marz's Alan Scott and TH White's King Arthur both had a very progressive view of the world compared to their respective generations.
Arthur and Alan have similar character evolution. Both begin as a typical warrior-hero with mystical help, both grew in power and prestige until they became so powerful and idealized that they had to be pushed to the background for most stories, and used as an example of how to properly behave -- to the point where, if it's unreasonable if they don't act, they are either quickly neutralized at the beginning of the story (King Arthur in the Sir Gawain story The Loathly Lady, Alan Scott in JSA storyline Injustice Be Done), or not there to begin with.

Sir Lancelot the Household Name -- Hal Jordan the Fan Favorite
Big Man at Court
Lancelot is the most famous of any knight, and I'm sorry, Kyle-fans, but Hal's the best-known name in the Mythos. He's widely considered The Green Lantern, the "Greatest of Them All" -- not just by fans, but in-story they describe him this way. He was company hot-shot in the old Corps and the old JLA. Lancelot is widely considered The Knight of the Round Table, company hotshot -- not just by readers watching his exploits, but in-story they constantly describe him this way. Interestingly enough, while both characters are considered by word of mouth to be basically Saints, both are plagued by excessive anger and guilt that cause them to fall short of their reputation at times.
Sir Lancelot's primary characteristics: Fearless, Passionate, Temper leads to physical violence, Tendancy to kill friends in berserker rage, Penitent
Hal Jordan's primary characteristics: Fearless, Passionate, Temper leads to physical violence, Tendancy to kill friends in corrupted state, Penitent
This was the easiest parallel.
Interesting Note: Lancelot's portrayal in Monty Python and the Holy Grail was pretty much the same as Sir Thomas Mallory's portrayal of the character in Le Morte D'Arthur.

Sir Gawain the Perfect Knight -- Kyle Rayner the Perfect Boyfriend (If you can cover the high insurance rates!)
Kyle's primary characteristic is that he's an artist. He thinks differently from the other Green Lanterns. Hal, Guy, and John are Alpha-male personalities, with a tendancy to be competitive. They had to learn cooperation, learn to follow orders because their personal pride told them they should be giving them. Kyle's pride isn't in his leadership ability. His pride is in his creations. Kyle, as shown most recently in Rebirth, has no problem with letting a more experienced person take the lead in a situation. He's a naturally cooperative person, rather than competitive -- this is probably why he, unlike John or Guy, got along so easily with Hal when they first met (in Emerald Knights, when Hal was himself).
He matches the Gawain we see in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, the Loathly Lady, and Chretien De Troyes' tales (Please ignore the character portrayed in Tristan's adventures, Pyle's adaptations, White's Once and Future King, and Malory's Le Morte D'Arthur, as he was under the corruptive influence of some big yellow bug monster, and therefore not responsible for his actions), A courteous respectful young peacemaker who holds his own in highly competitive society.
Both characters also have character defining stories that are set up to show them resisting a specific temptation a better known colleague succumbed to, and thus surpassing them -- but still not getting credit for it. In Green Knight, we see Gawain (different from Kyle in that he has a romance track record like Hal's) get propositioned 3 times by married woman he is obviously attracted to, and turn her down because he is a guest in her husband's household, contrasting Lancelot's affair with Guinevere under Arthur's roof. In Power of Ion, Kyle becomes omnipotent, but does not go crazy and try to remake the universe and bring his dead girlfriend back to life, contrasting Hal's actions as Parallax (which were not retconned out by that time -- we all know the intent of this story!)

Sir Kay the Seneschal -- Guy Gardner the Pig
If you'll look at any King Arthur stories from Chretien De Troyes onward, Sir Kay is extremely rude to everybody. I'm sure we've all seen Guy Gardner's defining trait. Interestingly enough, this is another character evolution parallel. Guy started out as a respectable person, just as Cei was respectable in the oldest Celtic tellings. As time went on, both characters were tapped by writers so they could demonstrate "The Wrong Way to Behave." Guy was never fully villified like Kay was in the Pereslvaus (A fun story, I'll admit, if you're in the mood for a lot of senseless gore and unintentionally humorous Christian propaganda!), but their usual function is the same. Chretean De Troyes and Keith Giffen both wanted to make the other heroes look good by comparison.
On the up side, what they lack in manners they make up for in strength of character: both are unflinchingly honest, trustworthy, and loyal.

Sir Tristan the Complete Jerk -- Abin Sur the Desceased
Because the best stories about both are their last -- Abin Sur because his death gives us Hal, and Tristan because he dies.

Sir Bedwyr Bedrydant (Bedivere of the Perfect Sinews sounds a lot better in Welsh) -- John Stewart of the Inconsistant Portrayal
John's been shafted on the personality end, no two ways about it. He's usually presented as another Octave of Hal Jordan, either less disciplined or more disciplined, depending on the writer. Your generic Green Lantern template.
Bedivere suffers the same problem. Your generic Knight template. I haven't seen any two writers portray either character consistantly.
I must say though, Background John makes me think of Background Bedivere more than any other Knight. Ever-present, never substantial or unique. Hopefully, as Geoff Johns gets more into Green Lantern, we'll see John with a definitive personality.

Sir Agravain the Overly Vain -- Sinestro the Especially Arrogant
Agravain, not Mordred, was Lancelot's Arch-Nemesis.
Nobody, but nobody, hated Lancelot more than Agravain. Agravain was selfish and jealous and glory-seeking at worst. At best, he was a staunch moralist seeking to re-establish the King's authority. He was a subtle enemy, though, spreading rumors about Lancelot's affair with the Queen and poisoning the court against the couple. In some adaptations, it got to the point that only Gawain the Sociable could talk the King out of killing Lancelot and the Queen. The feud was still so obvious, so bad that when Lancelot killed him, Agravain's own brother Gawain thought it was justified.
This hatred stemmed from two things: 1) He found the affair with the Queen insulting to his family (The King was his uncle), and 2) He thought Lancelot got attention that his older brother Gawain more rightly deserved.
Sinestro, with his subtle schemes, psychotic orderliness and unfortunate fixation on his former student, makes a good Agravain to Hal's Lancelot.

Sir Palemedes the Stranger -- Kilowog the Even Stranger
Both hold the unenviable position of "Alien Character." Palemedes is a Saracen from wherever Saracens came from. Both characters look distinctive from the rest of the Court (Palamides is the only black man at the Round Table, I beleive). Both are from foreign cultues, surrounded (At least, during the JLI era, when I got to know Kilowog) by people who think they are "just plain weird." Both are also highly intelligent, highly virtuous characters, despite being otherwise so different from their fellows. I do prefer the non-Propaganda Palemedes found in Gerald Morris' The Ballad of Sir Dinadin to the "I would like to be worthy of converting to Christianity" guy we see in Tristan stories. But most Tristan stories are in desperate need of a retcon anyway.

Sir Gareth Beaumains -- Arisia the Underaged
Gareth: Young knight infatuated with Lancelot (Hero worship to the point I question his sexuality)
Arisia: Young Green Lantern infatuated with Hal Jordan (No question about sexuality here)
The major difference here, apart from gender, is that while Gareth was killed by a berserker Lancelot, Arisia was spared Hal's rampage and killed later by Major Force.

Queen Guinevere -- Jennie Lynn Hayden-Scott (Jade)
This parallel is basically because of her relationship with Kyle. She played damsel in distress at at least one point in Marz's run, and in Marz's second run she was the unfaithful fiance`. Not very flattering, but as I've seen, neither lady has had a very flattering portrayal in a long time.

Sir Morded the Destroyer -- Todd Scott (Obsidian)
Not a Green Lantern, but still connected. I had to include Todd in this because his story so beautifully parallels Sir Thomas Malory's Morded. He begins as a good-natured idealistic hero (No joking, check out early Mordred appearances in Le Morte D'Arthur, from an unfortunate foster family -- Orkney was no paradise by most accounts, and the Rice family should have been under fire from Social Services. At some point, he meets a person who shatters these ideals -- Mordred met a hermit who prophesized that he'd killed his father, and then revealed that his father was actually his uncle! Todd met Ian Karkull. Then, he becomes a villain, and fights his father -- the man he blames for all of his difficulties.

Sir Dagonet, Court Jester -- G'Nort Esplanade G'Neesmacher
Enough said.

Fork in the Road (Comic Reviews for August 31)

I have come to a division in my path tonight. I can either clean my apartment or continue to fiddle around on the Internet. There are other choices, of course. I could play with my cat, but he is very busy staring into space. Either watching a ghost, or a bug. One would be as welcome as the other, I suppose. I could also sort my comic books, but that comes suspiciously close to cleaning. I could sleep, but I've found sleeping at 330 in the morning screws over my work schedule.

Blogging it is, then. I wonder if anyone will ever see this. I'm not normally this depressing, but there's melancholy music playing in the background. Maybe I need a little food. Low Blood Sugar is really depressing.

That's better, a little beef jerky and a switch from Simple Plan to Bruce Springsteen.

Might as well post the first comic reviews. There will be mild spoilers below.
NOTE: These reviews are specifically directed at my sister, because she has given up on Comic Books, and I want her to know what she's missing.

Week of August 31, 2005:

BPRD: The Black Flame #1
Roger's losing it. Big time. He was such a sweet, well-behaved homonculus before that Captain Zombie jerk got ahold of him. Now, he's gone from herbal man to wanna-be undead marine. Not cool.
On the other hand, it is always good to see Liz Sherman light up a bunch of amphibian demon-men.

Astro City: The Dark Age #3
That was it? That was the big crime of the Silver Agent? That? There's a little suspense at the end there, enough to get me to pick up the next book -- because I want to see what happened, but it's not like I can't wait to see what happens.
I am giving Buseik until the end of the actual story here, but so far I am deeply unimpressed. This Astro City's falling short of par.

Flash #225
This run was hard to top, but I think Johns ended it on a high note. It was what we predicted to happen, but he managed to make it entertaining and tie up a lot of loose plot threads. It was a very solid ending to a wonderful run.
I have to say that for Captain Boomerang II's mother, I was disappointed. I was sincerely hoping it would be Jenni Ognats. The lady they picked, I'm not ever sure how he got speed off of her. Oh well, Speed Force logic, I suppose. It's been screwy ever since Mark Waid created it. At least we have a Capt Boomerang who makes sense as a villain.
Also disappointed I didn't get to see Fiddler, Shade, and Thinker interact one last time in Johns' run, but that's what happens when you run out of time.
Oh, and Kimmy -- Piper is not evil. You can pick up Johns' trades in good conscience.

They are worth it for Professor Zoom! Finally! A fast villain that Wally can't just outrun!

Green Lantern #4
I was underwhelmed by the first 3 issues of this series. I think it was Geoff Johns workload that caused this, because no sooner than he drops the Flash than VOOM! Green Lantern lights on fire!
This issue was so much fun! Hal Jordan vs Kilowog -- In a mud pit! Hector Hammond: Pervert! Sonar in Chains! Blood and gore!

And Hal punches more people!

I love that.

The best part of Green Lantern: Rebirth was Hal hitting Batman (Oh, and Kyle not dying. I like Kyle, he needs to stick around!) I'd been waiting for that since the birth of the Batjerk personality in JLA: Tower of Babel. I think Hal should punch Batman again.

I think Hal should punch more people overall.

Write a whole one-shot about it. Hal Jordan Punches the DC Universe!
I can see it now! Batman! Supergirl! Wonder Girl! Batman! The Joker! Lex Luthor! Batman! Dark Seid! Lobo!
He just tours the whole DCU hitting people, until he gets to the JSA HQ -- where he swings at Alan Scott--
And finds his hand stopped in mid-air. "Hal, we have to talk."

That would be beautiful, just beautiful.

JLA: Classified #11
Ellis' Perry White in Issue #10 was the best portrayal of Perry White I've ever seen. A cross between Jameson from Marvel and Rourke from Transmet. So entertaining that I think Ellis should be contracted to just write the Daily Planet scenes in all of the Superman books.
That said, this issue was just blah. That's all, jsut blah. Nothing really happened, I was hoping for more Wonder Woman dialogue, what with her on the cover, but was sadly disappointed. I'll be picking up #12, though, in hopes of more Perry.

Seven Soldiers: Shining Knight #4
My first thought upon finishing this comic was "I'd like to have Grant Morrison's baby."
Then I realized that would make me fat.
Seriously, though, this Seven Soldiers thing is that good.
Morrison throws a plot twist in there that I, as a major fan of King Arthur stories, have seen at least once (I believe more than twice, though) before, and I never saw it coming. Bt it makes perfect sense, and totally redefines how you consider the characters.
I liked Justin before, but was iffy if I wanted this new Shining Knight to replace the Golden Ager -- as I am not an advocate of killing off characters that were created before my parents, and killing off the Golden Age Sir Justin was likely if they had a replacement. And I liked seeing Sir Justin in Stars and STRIPE. He was pretty cool.
But after this twist is revealed, I say kill him, or freeze him in ice again, or drop him in the timestream. Push him to the sidelines again, because Morrison's revamp is the Shining Knight I want to see around.
I want to see Sir Justin in Wonder Woman! Right now! Kill Cassie or Donna (again) if you need to make room, but do so post-haste!

Wonder Woman #220
Was depressing. I love what Rucka has done with her, he's defined Diana so incredibly well. This series has actually been fun for me for the first time in years. (Speaking of which, Kim -- I've got the first trade of Rucka's run for you, btw, and will be sending it to you with copies of all of the issues of Shining Knight as soon as I am awake when the post office is open).
A heavy issue was appropriate after what happened in Wonder Woman #219. And it was very good that, after Wonder Woman #219, Rucka had her running around not killing villains to establuish that she wasn't turning into Diana the Punisher. But this issue, and I think it was probably the art, did not carry the same energy as Rucka's others at all. Batman's reaction was disappointing (If you're collecting Batman sightings, don't bother, he's just in a couple panels -- but she's narrating to him through the entire story), but understandable. This was the least of his Batjerkiness this year.
I still advise reading it, because a poor Rucka-written issue of Wonder Woman is still better than any issue since George Perez left the book! This was just below Rucka's usual standard, and I think it's the somber art. Next issue, we are promised an OMAC tie-in, which much fighting and blood, so the energy and action should be back then.

I love Rucka's action-oriented Wonder Woman. I love what the whole DC line is doing with female characters. 2005 should be called "Year of the Woman" or something, because their females have kicked into high gear lately! I hate to say it, but it was certainly worth losing Sue to the Refrigerator to get a decisive Diana in this crossover. I will be supremely unhappy if they kill Diana ("I don’t give a damn ’bout my reputation") and replace her with Donna ("Who can turn the world the world on with her smile!").

New Avengers #9
Notable for a really neat scene with Emma Frost. Emma's inside Sentry's mind, trying to find his false memories. It's very cool to see her at work. I hope Joss Whedon isn't really turning her evil again, but I scanned Astonishing X-Men and sadly, it looks like it. It's a shame. She's a really good character, and I've loved her as a complex heroine since her Generation X days. I was very sad to see this, and couldn't buy Astonishing X-Men because of it.
Then I found this article that talks about her during Morrison's run. Now I'm angry. How is it just as DC is making its goody-goody women more of a presence in their universe that Marvel decides to make one of its most decisive females evil again? How screwed up is that? Especially after the Scarlet Witch debacle!
Plus, it worries me that the writer doing this is set up to direct Wonder Woman. I've got my fingers crossed, though.

Powers #12
Bendis is losing me, I'm afraid. Overexposure, maybe? Or he could jsut be overworked. This is one of the last Marvel titles on my pull list. They keep being replaced by DC stuff. Today, I was in the store and saw House of M #6 was out, but that the clerk forgot to pull it for me. I was reading ti for potential Quicksilver sightings, but I went "nahh..." and just left it on the shelf, in the middle of the crossover! Didn't even scan it.

Guess I'm getting over my completist issues. That's good for my wallet.

Supreme Power #18
JMS drops a bombshell that doesn't really get any reaction out of me. Compared to DC right now, this book isn't impressing me anymore. Won't be picking up the spin-off miniseries, or the relaunch.

This is My Sister's Fault

My sister, Kim has been bothering my to create a blog or live-journal or something like that for several months now. She basically wants more links to her site.
Click here to make my sister happy

I resisted because I didn't want to share my thoughts online, but I've earned a lot of free time. You see, I'm a vampire. I don't drink blood, mind you, or have particularly sharp teeth -- and I have a sunburn on my shoulders. But I'm beginning to believe that I will burn up in direct sunlight.

I blame work. I am working on Mid-shift -- that's the Graveyard shift for you civilians, and so have not had the opportunity to see Amaterasu's face on a regular basis. I find myself slipping into bed as she's peering over the ridiculously low Midwest Horizon, and I'm usually in the bathroom as she bids us farewell in the evening. It's becoming disconcerting.

I used to be quite a social animal. I was never a drinker or a dancer, but I was out every night -- playing games, talking to my friends, watching TV at my ex's house, chatting it up at the comic book store, chatting it up at the New Age shops in town, volunteer work at the School of Metaphysics... *Sigh* That's pretty much petered off with my new schedule. Everyone else is going to bed when I hit my stride, and I don't get cable TV. So I find myself killing an inordinate amount of time on the internet.

Lately, I've gotten back into message board posting due to DC Crisis on Infinite Wallets crossover, and I got the itch to do my own reviews after Morrison's Shining Knight #4 (Which was unbelievably awesome!). So, here I am -- For all the Internet to see.

No, I am not going to take my top off.