Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Stupidest Idea I've Ever Heard

So, someone spoiled Green Lantern Corps #60 for me. I don't really mind, because what they spoiled turned out to be the Stupidest Idea I've Ever Heard.

It's the sort of idea you'd think I'd get angry about, but I didn't. I was simply too baffled at the Stupidest Idea I've Ever Heard. Of course, I probably wasn't angry because the Stupidest Idea I've Ever Heard isn't racist, sexist or really offensive on any of those levels. It takes a certain amount of logic to come up with an offensive idea. You have to be adhering to certain stereotypes and actually attempting to craft a half-assed story. It takes a special cluelessness about humanity or malice to offend. It takes a small amount of intelligence.

It takes no intelligence to come up with the Stupidest Idea I've Ever Heard. It is in no way offensive to me as a person, or even as a fan. It is just something so pointless and wasteful that I feel sorry for the person who came up with it. The person who came up with it works in the entertainment industry. That person is paid to come up with ideas to entertain us. That person needs ideas in order to pay for food and rent.

That person is so clearly out of ideas, the bread and butter of their chosen business, that I can't help but feel sorry for them.

Indeed, I fear this is worse than simply being out of ideas. The Stupidest Idea I've Ever Heard can not have come from a simple lack of creativity. This can only have come from a complex lack of creativity. A lack of creativity so intense that it has collapsed in on itself and pulls ambient creativity into it. A lack of creativity that has grown into a Void That Swallows Creativity.

And as Creativity is sucked into this Black Hole of Banality, another substance is emanating from the Void That Swallows Creativity. It is the opposite of Creativity. It is the opposite of Light. It is Anti-Creativity, and whenever it touches Creativity it renders all present incapable of detecting Story Potential as it rends the fabric of the universe.

If that's too melodramatic for you, perhaps the following story will illustrate what I think of this latest plot twist and the direction the Green Lantern franchise in general has taken since the middle of Blackest Night:

I was walking along one day when I saw a water truck parked on the side of the road. In the cab sat a man with a canteen. His skin was cracked and dry and his lips were parched. He was moaning quietly about his thirst.

I asked the man if his truck was out of water and he told me no, it was full.

So I asked the man if the water was undrinkable and he told me no, it had been tested and was perfectly potable.

So I told him to drink.

He shrugged, bent over, and lifted the back of his pants. Then he poured the water underneath the fabric. It ran out of his pants-leg and collected in a puddle at his feet.

Then he looked at the canteen and sighed, and sat on his wet behind. He'd been drinking like that all day, but he was still thirsty.

I'm worried about the Green Lantern creative team. They could die of thirst despite having an abundance of water, because they insist the proper way to drink it is through the ass.

Someone can still set them straight, though. Unlike the Wonder Woman creative team, who insist that the perfectly potable water is poisoned and that it doesn't matter because no one's known how to get water from the truck since World War II.


  1. That was really, amazingly bad.

    I'm really not sure if DC Editorial *wants* people reading their books, at this point. That sounds melodramatic, but these big, publicized events are set up to repel new readers instead of attracting them. It's weird.

  2. ok screw it, what the big reveal? not gonna buy the comic anyways, so it's not gonna be spoiled on me.

  3. I feel your pain, Ragnell. This is exactly how I felt after what happened to New Krypton in "War Of The Supermen" last year.

    Maybe it will come back, though. Holding out hope.

  4. I was completely stunned at the end of that book. Not so much for the end result, but for the horrific character development for John Stewart. Wasn't he an architect who sought redemption after the result of Cosmic Odyssey?

  5. You must be confusing him with another John Stewart. This John Stewart is a gung-ho Marine, that is all he is. Semper Fi!

  6. Well...offing Mogo was bad enough, although I'm not completely convinced that he's actually dead, or can't be reconsititued or something.

    But man, poor John.