Disney actually got the Prince thing right once.

All the fantasy Disney sells aside, being one of their main female characters seems like something of a pain. If you don't start out trapped in a hellish nightmare at the hands of some person who hates you for no good reason, you will soon find yourself trapped in a hellish nightmare at the hands of some person who hates you for no good reason. While this traumatic and life-altering encounter with dark occult forces is happening, you have to be nice to everyone. If you succeed in being caring and noble, you get to marry a hot guy who has a lot of money and power. Any fame or fortune you accrue on your own is written off as due to your beauty and passivity, and referenced in a lifetime of feminist essays condemning you and conservative essays praising you. Any cool stuff you do is drowned in an ocean of pink marketing. After all is said and done you don't have any real fans beyond the little girls who like your pretty dress and hair, because most of fandom better remembers the villains because you need to be a cipher that little girl viewers can project themselves onto. And your name will be inextricably linked with whatever elements in your story give the worst message about life and romance. Given a choice, I suppose I'd really rather be a fairy godmother (which has the advantage of great power without any real responsibility) or a wicked villainess (where I know I'll be going down at the end but at least it will be spectacular.) But if I absolutely have to be the Princess and go through this shit, that prince had better be fucking worth it. Sadly, a prince worth all this trouble is fairly rare even in female fantasies.

You know how stupid it is when they stick a cipher love interest, the girl with no personality beyond attractiveness that is offered up as a prize for the hero at the end of the movie into the story? Well, it sucks when they do it to male love interests too. Out of the Disney/Heroes line we don't ahve much. We have very few quality men, a couple who manage to be okay, and a few who are downright horrible. Aladdin and Hercules get top billing, so they have actual character. The Captain in Mulan struck me as a hell of a guy (he's mean at the beginning because he's a freaking Basic Training instructor), but he's a bit humorless if I recall correctly and isn't actually a prince by marriage or birth. The Disney Scale of Princes seems to range from uninteresting (You're an okay guy, Prince Charming, if only because they didn't develop you enough to give you character flaws) to douchebag (I'm looking at you, Lesser Beast--I sincerely hope Hank McCoy is coming to kick your ass in the first crossover). There's really only one guy who seems to be worth going through a fairy tale for and surprisingly enough, he gets paired off with the princess who suffers the least amount of trauma (Maleficent's scary as hell, but a little finger cut, ten minutes of mind control and a nice nap really don't compare to that stepmother who's been the only mother you've ever known trying to kill you because you're growing up prettier.)

I suppose when they decided the princess was going to spend most of the movie asleep they realized the prince was going to need to be someone worth watching. They managed it for me at least, every time I see this guy onscreen I am grinning. And even though he's like Aurora and needs to be very dignified and attractive so he's not allowed to be anywhere near as emotional and funny as the fairies or the kinds, there is just something incredibly likable about Prince Phillip. Maybe it was just relief that after the completely uninteresting princes in Snow White and Cinderella, Disney finally up and delivered a decent man. The Prince gets a personality in this film.



He gets an awful lot of personality, actually. He's super-adorable, full of life and enthusiasm for everything. He's excitable and impulsive, and 100% Angst-Free even when brooding in Maleficent's dungeon. He's had his entire life planned out since birth, but it doesn't seem outwardly to weigh on him. When he decides against following the Plan to marry that princess he's never met in favor of trying for the cute peasant girl with the really nice singing voice, and tells his father he doesn't come off as rebellious or confrontational. On the contrary, he's very cheerful and affectionate, and doesn't even bother to argue with the old man. He's also allowed to be frightened, discouraged, and humiliated. When he first shows up, he's a little boy making a face at a baby and he seems to retain some of that boyish quality over the next sixteen years. He approaches life with an upbeat sense of humor. When you meet him as an adult, he gets thrown from his horse into a puddle (he was trying to follow that wonderful singing he heard in the forest) and takes it in stride. And when he's drying off and a bunch of Aurora's animal minions steal his coat, hat and boots he takes that rather well too.

The first meeting scene is fascinating to me, and it was never because I liked the song. It's the interaction here. Aurora's caught with stolen goods. Phillip does the creepiest thing possible, and then actually manages to recover and befriend her. And I don't mean the writers just have her be charmed by him being a jerk, I mean he manages to pull out some serious diplomatic skills and switch to the right foot after starting off on the wrong one.

I'll give you that here it helps that the audience knows his story. Initially when he heard the singing, he set out to try and find it but was thrown into a stream. While drying off he sees some of his clothing literally walk away from it, and follows it to find the singer he'd been curious about before. So we know from the start he's not just a pervert who wanders the woods looking for strange girls, but Aurora doesn't.



I love how he does that thing where he sneaks up on her in the forest and starts to dance and sing along with her, and then immediately apologizes when he realizes she's scared. The way I read the buildup and approach is that he mistook it for her specifically playing a prank on him (what would you think if your clothes walked off while you were bathing and you found someone dancing with them?) and tried to prank her back a little. But Aurora hasn't actually thought about where the men's clothing came from, and is so wrapped up in her fantasy that she doesn't even notice when she's caught by an actual human dance partner instead of clothing animated by a couple birds. She is just stupified when she hears "Mr. Owl" singing in a human voice. When she pulls away Phillip realizes he's completely uninvited here, has inadvertently done some incredibly creepy and intrusive, and has to perform some damage control while angling for an invitation. He apologizes, goes out of his way to appear nonthreatening, and serenades her with her own song. He never once asks her why she took his clothing, or mentions it. He doesn't make excuses beyond "I didn't mean to frighten you." (He still smiles a bit too much when telling her that. He was anticipating startling her a little bit, just not so much he'd ruin her day.) He's got every right, mind you, to just stop and hold out his hand and demand she give the items back but if he does so he destroys her game and takes over her territory. So rather than be overbearing and change the rules to suit him, he presents himself as a part of her fantasy, willing to go along with her rulebook. Notice that he doesn't add his own lyrics to the song, or change the tune. He just sings what she's been singing, in a male vocal key. He's signalling her that yes, he's bigger and a stranger and armed but he just wants to join her, he doesn't want to spoil her fun.



The whole scene is a dance (I wouldn't be surprised if it were adapted directly from the ballet, which I've sadly never seen) where he tries to retain her attention without frightening her again. Phillip's a prankster sort of character, overly eager and thoughtless at times (later in the movie he picks his father, a very short King, off of his feet and dances him around until the old man yells at him), but he seems to understand that it's his fault when he crosses a boundary and that it's up to him to change his approach and defuse any potential harm. And while this should be the bare minimum standard of behavior for men of all walks of life, we're looking at a person of royal birth interacting with a peasant (as far as he knows) in the 14th Century. Watching Phillip empathize with and charm Briar Rose the peasant maid he found with his missing boots by playing her game tells us a lot more about Phillip than watching him empathize with and charm Aurora the princess by playing her game.

Of course, my impression here may be affected by the other example of an early Disney Prince following that beautiful song to meet the singer. Phillip is considerably less threatening than the Prince in Snow White, who climbs over the wall to her house, doesn't apologize, and then proceeds to sing his own song about how much he loves her at her window.



I saw that for the first time as an adult, overlooked the few seconds with the white horse, and didn't recognize the prince as the guy climbing over the wall. I thought for a second the Prince was going to meet her by saving her from the creepy robber guy who climbed over the wall into her private garden. But no, that's the Prince, armed, vaulting over the wall and sneaking up on a pre-teen girl with a really eager smile, then chasing her into her house. I can only conclude that he's kind of a dick. He seemed almost gleeful when he asked if he frightened her, and he moves forward when he asks. He doesn't seem to take into account that he is older, much taller, armed, and looks to be of a different class.

But he has the Magic Singing Power that charms birds and potential spouses so this doesn't hurt his chances with her.

Snow White seems a lot more frightened than Aurora does, probably not just Snow White's Prince comes on extra-strong but he's a nobleman in full finery chasing some poor servant girl in rags. Aurora's prince is at least humbly clothed enough that the girl he's approaching isn't struck by a terrifying feudal class gap (mistaking royalty for peasantry is probably easy when everyone is clad in the course kind of clothing you get when your asshole of a king bans the latest in fiber-making technology). Snow White's prince doesn't adjust his posture or draw back to signal he's not a threat, or continue to play according to her rules. He calls for her to come back and then changes the song. He tries to take command of the situation rather than let her set the rules and boundaries.

Prince Phillip, having the benefit of a couple decades thought on what sort of hero little girls might like, approaches Aurora on her terms even when he missteps. Both heroes intrude on the dreaming heroine, but Phillip adjusts to Aurora's dream. And while Phillip's quick apology keeps it so the girl is just startled and doesn't run away immediately, eventually she does run off when she realizes how much time she's spent out in the forest and that her "Aunts" are waiting at home. Phillip handles this better than the other prince, too. He runs after her to keep within earshot, but stops at each barrier (a tree branch, a stream) and calls after her rather than trying to overtake her. And since he didn't just scare her off earlier, she changes her mind when he asks for clarification. ("When will I see you again?" "Never, never!" "Never?" "Well, maybe someday" "When, tomorrow?" "Oh no, this evening." -- Aurora's a bit spacey. Not stupid, mind you, I think she's smarter than the godstooges. Just spacey. I like her.)



Now, we do have to take into account when analyzing both these meetings the Laws of Disney Love. The First Law of Disney Love states that only True Love can break spells like these. As in any fairy tale, there's a strong implication of the hand of fate in these meetings, that this ignites a spark of True Love. True Love is the necessity of the spell, and while even in fiction I've rolled my eyes at the "one destined mate" interpretation, the "True" part certainly means that there is no greed or jealousy or self-glorifying objective in mind. That either Prince could break the spell tells us his interest in the girl goes beyond a roll in the hay, he's genuinely interested in her as a companion. So dickish as Snow White's Prince is, he's got decent intentions but handles them badly. He's not evil, he's just a jerk. But he has mind control singing powers so he doesn't really need social skills. I wouldn't marry him, though. (And judging by the Wicked Queen's reaction, mean old witches are immune to mind control singing powers, so I'm good there.) Prince Phillip is much, much better with people so he comes off as a better catch, so to speak.

That's not to say Phillip wasn't one of those guys with just one thing in mind. Marriage. He's approaching her on her terms but he fully intends to coax her into his world, and he reveals that when he gets back to the castle. He announces to his father, King Hubert, that he plans to marry a peasant girl he met that afternoon and is meeting again. So, Phillip's ultimate goal is marriage while Aurora is just happy to meet a nice boy at the moment. I will say that I can see where they are both coming from. Aurora is unaware that she's a princess promised to a man already so she sees nothing but an open and optimistic future. Phillip's life has been planned out since birth, and if he wants to take control and direct it he needs to be decisive and present his father with a solid alternative. He can't just say "I met a nice girl I'd like to court" in this case, he has to have the long goal in mind to justify tossing away his father's plans. So he's got a goal he hasn't brought up here, but he's not so much deceiving her as waiting until they know each other a bit better to bring it up. It is not a harmful goal to her, his motive is fairly understandable, and he's being pretty considerate of her situation.

In real life I would call it pretty offputting to decide right away you're going to marry someone, but taking into account Phillip's situation, the time period and that the Second Law of Disney Love states that you get only one song to decide you want to spend the rest of your lives together, I'm willing to accept this here.

Phillip's got a lot going for him but his biggest strength is his people skills, and he's certainly a social person. He's re-introduced to use at the "16 years later" mark bribing and joking with his intelligent (and non-speaking) horse. Most of his humor comes through interacting with the horse and defusing tense situations with Aurora and his father. He knows exactly what he needs to say to them. More impressively, Phillip knows exactly when he needs to keep his mouth shut, as when dealing with Maleficent in a situation that I'm certain launched a thousand bondage fetishes. He doesn't try to trick her or talks his way out of it, or even insult her (though she does make him angry enough to pull against his chains). It's obvious that anything he says can make things worse for him, or even reveal information that she can use against him and his family. When he gets rescued, he keeps quiet rather than look a gift stooge in the mouth and sets to action.



I really like his design. He's more angular and masculine than the previous princes but a bit softer than the modern wave. Otherwise he's got this really earnest, innocent face. He has an earnest smile he reserves for Aurora and the King, a very innocent and sweet look. And then he has this mischievous smile that reminds me of Harrison Ford in Star Wars. He also gets to blush, be annoyed and do all these "oh shit" reaction shots when fighting Maleficent.

We like to make fun of Phillip for getting help against Maleficent from the Fairy Godstooges, and don't get me wrong, they were the driving force for good in the movie and the reason he made it, but he did put in an incredible amount of effort there. They arm him, but he's the guy who's probably never fought in his life but uses the weapons competently. He fought the goblin guards en masse without help (it took a ton of them to catch him unarmed in the first place while Maleficent watched him beat them up, must be a fairy thing) until they started with ranged attacks like boiling oil, tumbling rocks, and loads of arrows. He went through the thorns alone without getting help until his cloak got caught. Then when Maleficent showed up, the godstooges got cold feet and booked it (except Merryweather, who got pulled back from helping him because apparently fairy lives are more important than human ones) and he stands up to her alone for way longer than he should have been able to. She basically pummels him with fire repeatedly, driving him to a sheer wall (which prompts a little advice from Flora, but not any sort of levitation or protection), then to the edge of a cliff. When she takes out the shield and scares off the horse, then they come foward to enchant the sword and give him a bit of help. The character is brave as hell and a pretty badass fighter. I think he edges out all the modern princes except Hercules in this territory too. And he gets points for standing up alone to freaking Maleficent while much more powerful people ran away from her.

Phillip is a pretty straightforward and positive character but he does have one flaw that's not immediately obvious, and is very important in the story. His father Hubert, who in the previous scene had been willing to take out a sword at the thought that Stefan was going to let his daughter back out of the marriage deal (and I bash Stefan a lot, but he is a considerate father who realizes that Aurora's going to need some serious adjustment time), doesn't really do that much to stop Phillip from calling it off. He orders him to marry the girl, gets laughed at, then feebly tries to chase his son's horse down the courtyard to get him to talk it over. Then he sighs and goes to tell Stefan it's over with. Then he's utterly shocked to see Phillip and Aurora at the end. He's dumbfounded that Phillip seemed to have changed his mind. Earlier, Maleficent predicts that after 100 years in the dungeon he'll still go out to free Aurora. And not only that, this guy goes right from escaping the Forbidden Mountain to cutting down the thorns and trying to fight through a fricking Dragon to get at that girl. This is, of course, all evidence that Phillip is very much in love. This is also evidence that Phillip is one stubborn son of a bitch.



I am absolutely certain, from these traits, the lack of a curse placed on Phillip, and Hubert's appearance that Phillip also got gifts from the faeries.

"I give the gift of Beauty."

"I give the gift of Cheer."

"I give the gift of Courage."

"And I give the gift of Obstinance."

"Ah, yes... Thank you, Mistress Maleficent. That is just what I wanted in a son."

"Psst, Leah... leave her off the invite list when we finally have a child."

The Fairy Godstooges

In this corner, wearing the purple and black villain robes, hailing from the Forbidden Mountain, the reigning Champion of the Fairy Dueling circuit for SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS running! The Ruler of Rue! The Sovereign of Spite! The Queen of Mean HERSELF! The one! The only! The MAGNIFICENT... Maleficent!!!

And in this corner, wearing the red, green and blue... elderly... lady robes, hailing from the... Garden of.. Innocence, our challengers! The Witches of Wonder! The Steadfast Sweat--no, wait that's Sweet.. The Steadfast Sweethearts! The Helpers of.. Happiness? Who wrote this?

Eh, forget it. Meet Flora, Fauna and Merryweather.



These three are are the three Good Fairies who were invited to the christening (because they're somehow more fun and fashionable than freaking Maleficent? What the fuck? That's like inviting Carrot Top instead of Frank Sinatra), and who assist and direct Aurora and Philip's fates towards the necessary happy ending. They're very likable because they are well-intentioned, cute, and funny little old ladies. I believe most watchers initially write them off as sidekicks because they aren't the Prince or Princess, and they supply much of the humor in the movie, but the truth is these guys are our Protagonists. They are the ones with the power to challenge Maleficent, no one else can. Not the Princess, who is well-removed from the action during this. Not her parents, who are completely helpless during this whole mess. And not the Prince, who is heroic and lovable, but would have died a dozen times in the final sequence if not for Flora's magic. The majority of the movie follows the actions and viewpoint of the three Good Fairies, and though you're led to empathize and root for Philip and Aurora they aren't spotlighted and developed nearly as much as the four fairies. The entire story is Maleficent and these three trading magical blows. It's a duel. The Princess is Maleficent's weapon of choice, an emotional blow, while the Prince is a physical weapon that Flora, Fauna and Merryweather use. Flora arms the Prince, sends him to the tower, saves him from Maleficent's goons and landscape alterations, and enchants the sword (that she gave him) in the final scene. It's possible didn't even need to aim. Instead, he's aimed BY Flora after being picked up and loaded.

That's right, the Prince and Princess in this movie amount to a pair of dueling pistols, and the protagonists are actually the comic relief/mentor characters. Is it any wonder I love this film?

This is a serious underdog setup. These women are very powerful and good-natured beings, but they are so abysmally stupid it takes all three to stand against Maleficent. It's arguable they cause more harm than good to the royal family and the kingdom in the long run.

No, I'm not being too harsh. I love these characters, they are pleasant and friendly and great for a laugh without descending into Annoying Sidekick territory, but they are horrifically stupid and you can tell from the start. They state that they can only give one gift apiece, so naturally you'd think it better count. The first gift is given by Flora (the tall one in red), self-appointed leader and most idiotic of the group. She gives Beauty.

Now Beauty is a pretty stupid and frivolous gift to begin with. It is almost always only ever given to girls. (I think Flora also gave it to Philip, though.) To an extent it makes sense, because Beauty gives her family something to bargain with at least. A beautiful girl can fetch a husband with lots of land and increase the family's fame. Except Aurora's already fetched a husband, they appointed one the second she was born. So the little bit of usefulness from beauty is not so useful even in this case.

But no, in this case Beauty is even stupider than it sounds. Why?

Meet Aurora's mom.



Now there's a small chance she might look like her father, but really... was it really necessary to make absolutely certain of that beyond making her intelligent or lucky or superstrong or I don't know, invulnerable to sharp pointy objects like spindles?

So right away Flora lets us know that she's as dumb as a bag of rocks. The other two still follow her, possibly because she's the largest and the oldest. Flora does seem to have the most courage and responsibility of the group. She is just so unbelievably superficial, though. She may be the most powerful of the group (at least she's the one with the courage and ability to use her powers during a crisis), but she gives the gift of Beauty.

Fauna, in the green, might be the best of the lot. She's the quiet one of the group who likes children and taking care of others. She avoids conflict while Flora and Merryweather bicker in the background. She usually only speaks to try and calm one of the others down, encourage them or coo over babies and cooking and other sweet little old lady interests. I worry that if she hadn't been allowed to take care of Aurora she'd have stolen someone's baby and replaced it with a shape-changed rat. (Seriously, she tries to burp cake batter while she's reminiscing.) She gives a more sensible gift in song, which manifests as the standard Disney Princess superpower where you can attract animal minions and potential husbands with your Siren's voice. Snow White has her animal minions to find shelter for her, Cinderella gets mice to sew her dresses and Venus in Agents of Atlas can stop wars. Aurora just has the animals steal stuff.





Merryweather in the blue is probably the smartest of the group, but her temperament is akin to Buttercup of the Powerpuff Girls. (Come to think of it, Flora parallels Blossom and Fauna parallels Bubbles.) Not very good for leadership. She complains mostly. She's a bit cranky and always ready to mix it up with Maleficent. She blurts out in the first scene that the reason Maleficent wasn't invited was because she wasn't wanted (and again, why the fuck would you not invite her? She's got Style, wit, and the vindictiveness to fuck you over badly when you snub her), which can't possibly have helped matters. We never find out what she considers an appropriate gift for a newborn, because she's the one who has to cast the counterspell that mitigates Maleficent's death-curse to just a long sleep.

Filling out the hierarchy of intelligence in Sleeping Beauty, I'd put Fauna and Merryweather on the same rung, a step above Flora. Unfortunately, Flora is the leader because she takes initiative. She's always willing to do something, and it's usually something stupid. After they try to lessen Maleficent's curse, they have a little meeting and some tea. Flora's first idea is to turn the girl into a flower, because that's certainly less vulnerable than a little girl is. Ultimately they decide on Flora's second idea because no one else has anything to offer. See, rather than raise her in the palace surrounded by guards and living a life of luxury where she'll never find herself in the same room as spinning equipment, the safest thing according to Einstein here for Princess Aurora is to live as a peasant girl raised by the Three Fairy Godstooges in the middle of a forest where she can get into all kinds of shit. I suppose that wouldn't be so bad, if the girl was properly warned. But rather than tell her that someone wants to kill her and she needs to avoid Viking Vampire Batwomen, any form of magic that is glowing green, creepy looking ravens, and spinning wheels, they tell her NOTHING except not to talk to strangers.


How they intend for her to meet the true love who's supposed to break the spell if she's not allowed to ever talk to a stranger, or she's never to meet her intended husband until after the 16 year mark has passed I'm not sure. But this is the plan they go with, and apparently it's successful because Aurora makes it to the appointed day without being killed, found by Maleficent, or ever speaking to a stranger. Or at least anyone stranger than she is. (More on Aurora later.)

Of course, after 16 years of living as a mortal without magic, Fauna has never learned how to bake and Flora doesn't know how to sew a dress. And Aurora looks exactly like her mother except with a lighter shade of hair, so good use of a blessing, Flora.

Now Maleficent set a spell deadline of sunset on her 16th birthday. Flora's plan is to hide the girl until it's safe, and so far it's worked well. So, do they wait an extra day to bring her to the palace? Do they wait at least until AFTER dark to leave the cottage? No, they bring her to the palace about 30 minutes early so that Maleficent can lure her to a spinning wheel and get her by the deadline. Oh, and those idiots send her off alone to pick berries, and then leave her alone to cry, on the day that a sensible person would be watching her like a hawk because they've reached crunch time.

Not only that, they make it 16 years without using their magic and can't wait another fucking day before fighting over the color of a freaking dress and attracting the attention of Maleficent's pet raven.

Nevertheless, stupid as they are, they and Maleficent are the movers and shakers in the film. The humans can't do really anything. So Sleeping Beauty--the movie where the heroine spends not even 20 minutes awake during the film--turns out the be the movie in the Disney line that has the most active, powerful, and influential female characters. It has one hell of a female villain, and her true challenge comes not from the brave hero or the meek princess, but from three energetic female characters of equal power.



Not only that, they managed to develop and give screen time to the male love interest in this movie. He turns out to be one of the most likable and least douchey princes in the Disney line. Amazing what you fit in there without wasting all of your time on irritating sidekicks and princess angst.

The Magnificent Maleficent

One of the few light Disney movies in my horror-loaded DVD collection is Sleeping Beauty. I've been fond of this one since I was a little girl, even though the joke is that the heroine spends the entire movie asleep while the Prince does everything. But the makers of this movie found a way to remedy that and get the little girls in on the action in this story, and in doing so they created what must be the most memorable villain Disney ever produced: Maleficent.



I had a greater than average interest in fairy tales even for a little girl, but princesses never came close to the top three appealing aspects of fairy tales for me. My imagination as a child was ruled by a triumvirate of Fairies, Witches, and Dragons. (Cats came in fourth.)

Maleficent is a Fairy Witch who can turn into a Dragon, which has to be the Greatest Parlor Trick in History.

And she has Style. (I like Style.) Check out the Viking Vampire wardrobe. She's the Fairy Godmother from Hell and is not afraid to look the part. And on top of her black and purple super-batbitch ensemble, she's got green magic energy and a wicked looking pet raven on her wicked looking magic staff. And the makeup, from the eyeshadow to the lipstick it just screams Mistress of All Evil. It's so perfect. The sort of villain that makes you think "If I ever fall from grace I want to look like HER when I land." I don't know of anyone who as a little girl didn't freaking adore this character.



Her powers don't stop at Divine Fashion Sense. She can turn into into a dragon, teleport, call upon the powers of Hell, turn into a freaking dragon, send a frost, show the Prince a holographic light show, turn into a fricking dragon, blast people with green sparks, put people into a trance and compel them to do things like touch spinning wheels, oh and did I mention? She can turn into a fucking dragon!

The whole story happens because Maleficent, who apparently has a thing about being left out, isn't invited to a big party celebrating the birth of the local princess. All the other fairies get to go, but she didn't get an invite so she's pissed off, and so she decides to act out every nerdy girl's revenge fantasy and show up to scare the shit out of the popular kids. She gets in before the third fairy gives her gift, makes everyone horribly uncomfortable, forces them to admit she was purposefully uninvited, and curses the brat to die at the tender age of 16. In doing so, she freaks out the King, she freaks out the Queen, she prevents the third invited fairy from giving a proper gift (thus depriving the princess of two of the four gifts she would have been entitled to if Maleficent had gotten an invite--and no doubt Maleficent would have given one hell of an interesting gift if she wasn't pissed off), she scares the King so badly that he destroys every spinning wheel in the kingdom causing hardship for anyone who wanted to make clothing, and she sets it up so that the Princess isn't properly raised and trained as a ruler when she comes of age. And when the time comes to cause the curse, she manages to enact it, freak out the girl, traumatize the fuck out of the Prince she marries (watch him after the big battle, he's got a light smile but his eyes are really wide, and he doesn't want to explain anything that happened to his father--I think he's pretty shellshocked), and destroy a good amount of the scenery. All while looking fabulous beyond measure.

Not only that? She is apparently killed by falling down a cliff. She falls down a cliff and there's a scene where purple and black smoke rises up from the bottom and the Prince looks over the ledge to see not a big dragon body or a slender fairy witch body, but her cloak with a sword through. There is no body at the end of this movie. They even do a scary close-up on it. The woman physically transforms into flying creatures and green light, casts illusions, and teleports, but the other fairies act as if she's dead after falling down a cliff, sending a cloud of purple and black smoke upwards, and leaving no body. Idiots.



Now she does have some pitfalls. Turning into a dragon was scary and all, but if she really wanted to fuck up the Prince she'd have gone with a molten liquid, a choking gas, or some illusion to separate him from the fairy helpers (because she can change into gaseous and energy shapes). Flora saves Philip from several ranged attacks during the escape, but none of the Fairy Godstooges dare to directly counter Maleficent's spells, so this could been something they couldn't counter in time. She captures the Prince but doesn't kill him (in her defense, I suppose that some other destined true love might've popped up without him able to break the spell at some point, or some other fuckery would've saved him so he could save the day without her noticing--these are the rules of fairy tales, after all), and she leaves an axe in the freaking prison cell with him. Sure, she has him chained up so he can't reach it, but really all he has to do is ask one of those dumbass goblin guards to hand it to him and they probably will.

Oh yes, she has the dumbest Henchmen in Disney history. An army of dimwitted goblin soldiers that I believe joined the Air Force after she finally fired them. At least, I'm pretty sure I've worked with the idiot who was on patrol duty and missed the three brightly colored fairy women against the greenish brown landscape. These geniuses were told early on to look for a baby, and 16 years later they were still checking cradles.



Bad hiring practices and mild mistakes aside, as the hierarchy of intelligence in Sleeping Beauty goes Maleficent's at the top. She is very clearly smarter than anyone else in the movie, especially her trifold sparring partners: Flora, Fauna and Meriweather.



But more on these morons later.